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09-03-2013, 09:17 AM
RE: Share A Joke

An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church.



He is amazed to find a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap.

On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.


Then the priest comes in.


Excitedly, the Irishman begins..."Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."


The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."

"People don't go to heaven when they die; they're taken to a special room and burned!" Evil_monster
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09-03-2013, 09:21 AM
RE: Share A Joke
(31-01-2013 03:07 PM)panterasr9 Wrote:  Sarah Palin wrote a book.
That's not really the joke.....
The real joke (sad to say) is that lots and lots of people actually bought it!

"People don't go to heaven when they die; they're taken to a special room and burned!" Evil_monster
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09-03-2013, 10:08 AM (This post was last modified: 09-03-2013 10:28 AM by Chas.)
RE: Share A Joke
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.


This made him ... a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

OOOOOOOoooooooooh!

"People don't go to heaven when they die; they're taken to a special room and burned!" Evil_monster
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11-03-2013, 08:30 PM
RE: Share A Joke
Research shows that
there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. * This kind of sex happens
when
You first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. * This is when you
have been
With your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex
Anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have
been with
Your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have
Sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex * This is when you
have been with
Your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say
'F*ck you.'

The 5th kind of sex is called: Catholic Sex. * Which means you
get Nun in
The morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex. * This is when you cannot
stand your
Wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And; Last, but not least, The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security
Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

Smurf Sex - tee hee

Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
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19-03-2013, 08:27 PM
RE: Share A Joke
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen
mask over his mouth and nose. A student nurse appears and gives
him a partial sponge bath.
"Nurse", he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the nurse replies, "I don't know, sir. I'm only here to
wash your upper body and feet."
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from
worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls
back the covers.
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently
in the other.
She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, sir. They
look fine."
The man slowly pull off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,
"Thank you very much, that was wonderful. Now listen very, very closely:
Are-my-test-results-back?"

Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
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21-03-2013, 05:59 PM
RE: Share A Joke
Classic...




Throughout history conversions happen at the point of a sword, deconversions at the point of a pen - FC

I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above the monkey's. - Mark Twain in Eruption
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23-03-2013, 03:25 PM
RE: Share A Joke
A man visits a surgeon and asks to be castrated.

The doctor is reluctant, but after the man signs a release, he performs the surgery.

After the operation the doctor asks the man: "what made you decide on such a drastic procedure"?

The man says: "Not at all -- I married a Jewish lady and she insisted on it".

The doctor says: "didn't she say: circumcised?"

The man says: "oh, yes, that is the correct expression!"
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24-03-2013, 07:26 PM
RE: Share A Joke
The Siberian express suddenly stops in the middle of nowhere.

The conductor gets off at the back and yells forward to the engineer:

"Ivan Ivanovich, why did we stop?"

The engineer yells back:

"We are exchanging engine, Sergey Sergeyevich!"

The conductor yells again:

"What for, Ivan, Ivanovich?"

The engineer: "For vodka, Sergey Sergeyevich!"
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01-05-2013, 09:51 PM
RE: Share A Joke
[Image: atheistzilla.jpg]

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03-05-2013, 11:29 AM
RE: Share A Joke
What's the difference between a golf ball and a G-Spot?
A man will spend 20 minutes looking for a golf ball.

Blond and Brunette were talking about hygiene:
Brunette: I had a Brazilian.
Blond: You slut! ... How many's a brazilian?

Breathing - it's more art than science.
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