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[jame123]

uoting Christopher Hitchens:

"What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Unitarian?"
-Someone who knocks on your door for no reason.

[mBear]

[Observer]

The UN was planning a world wide survey with only one question to see how well they where doing.

The question went as follows:
“Give your honest opinion about the food-shortage in the rest of the world.”

The survey was a big failure...
In south America and Russia they did not know what “honest” was
In China and Cuba they did not know what “your opinion” was
in Africa they did not know what “food” meant
in Europe they had no concept of “shortage”
and in the US they never heard of “the rest of the world”

[cfhmagnet]

A priest, a pedophile and a rapist walk into a restaurant and the hostess says, "Just one tonight sir?"

[Kikko]

[Speiraz]

This isn't a joke, but it's funny. I just saw a Christian that said Christianity isn't a religion

O_O

[No J.]

At the end of the tax year, Revenue Canada office sent an inspector
to audit the books of a local hospital.

While the auditor was checking the books he turned to the CFO of the
hospital and said, "I notice you buy a lot of bandages. What do you do with
the end of the roll when there's too little left to be of any use?" "Good
question," noted the CFO. "We save them up and send them back to the
bandage company, and every now and then they send us a free box of
bandages."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way.
"What about all these plaster purchases? What do you do with what's
left over after setting a cast on a patient?"
"Ah, yes," replied the CFO, realizing that the inspector was trying
to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We save it and send it back to
the manufacturer, and every now and then they send us a free package of
plaster."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could
fluster the know-it-all CFO.

"Well," he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins
from the circumcisions you perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the CFO. "What we do is save
all the little foreskins and send them to Revenue Canada , and about once a
year they send us a complete prick."

[Danny]

'It's In The Bible'

There was this Christian lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business so she did a lot of flying. But flying made her nervous so she always took her Bible along with her to read and it helped relax her. One time she was sitting next to a man. When he saw her pull out her Bible he gave a little chuckle and went back to what he was doing.

After awhile he turned to her and asked "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?"


The lady replied "Of course I do. It is the Bible."


He said "Well what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?


She replied "Oh, Jonah. Yes I believe that, it is in the Bible.


He asked "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?"


The lady said "Well I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven I will ask him."


"What if he isn't in heaven?" the man asked sarcastically.


"Then you can ask him." replied the lady.

http://www.jokecenter.com/jokes/Religion/201.html

[gaglamesh731]

A priest and a rabbi play golf.

First hole.
The priest hits a hole-in-one the rabbi misses.
The rabbi exclaims : "To hell with it ! , I missed "
The priest says : "Be careful , my son ... god will be angry"

The Second hole.
The priest hits a hole-in-one the rabbi hits a sand trap.
The rabbi exclaims : "Son of a bitch !! , I missed "
The priest says : "Be careful , my son ... god will be angry"

The Third hole.
The priest hits a hole-in-one the rabbi trows the ball off the course.
The rabbi exclaims : "Goddamnit !!!"
A bolt of lightning from the heavens kills the priest , followed by a voice "Me-dammit , I missed"

[Danny]

'God granting miracles'

A religious man is on top of a roof during a great flood. A man comes by in a boat and says "get in, get in!" The religous man replies, " no I have faith in God, he will grant me a miracle."

Later the water is up to his waist and another boat comes by and the guy tells him to get in again. He responds that he has faith in god and god will give him a miracle. With the water at about chest high, another boat comes to rescue him, but he turns down the offer again cause "God will grant him a miracle."

With the water at chin high, a helicopter throws down a ladder and they tell him to get in, mumbling with the water in his mouth, he again turns down the request for help for the faith of God. He arrives at the gates of heaven with broken faith and says to Peter, I thought God would grand me a miracle and I have been let down." St. Peter chuckles and responds, "I don't know what you're complaining about, we sent you three boats and a helicopter."

http://www.ahajokes.com/reg28.html