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01-10-2013, 05:43 PM
RE: Share A Joke
I apologize in advance for these:

My boss told me to push the envelope, but I argued that's not a good idiom, since no matter how much you push, it's still stationary.

Also, what did one sail boat say to the other sail boat? "I like the cut of your jib."

If something can be destroyed by the truth, it might be worth destroying.

[Image: ZcC2kGl.png]
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24-11-2013, 04:59 PM
RE: Share A Joke
God visited a man and told him he'd have to give up drinking, smoking and sex to be able to get into heaven.
The man said he would try his best.
God visited the man a week later to see how he was doing.
"Not bad" said the man. "I've given up smoking and drinking but when the wife bent over the lounge suite and I caught sight of her long slender legs, I pulled her skirt up, pulled her knickers to one side and made love to her right there!"
"They don't like that in heaven" said God.
The man replied, "Yeh, they're not too happy about it in Harvey Norman either!"
(NB: Harvey Norman is like a Walmart)

Cool
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25-11-2013, 09:13 PM
RE: Share A Joke
Big Grin
[Image: they_see_me_rollin_they_hatin_by_insanit...4q2dp0.jpg]

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05-12-2013, 07:52 PM
RE: Share A Joke
[Image: j-l_o_709768.webp]

[Image: Hitchhikersguide_zps7678fbae.jpg]
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05-12-2013, 08:05 PM
RE: Share A Joke
[Image: 803a971d.png]

"Presumably man with hair on fire can be used to cook eggs and bacon..."MorondogLaugh out load
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05-12-2013, 08:12 PM
RE: Share A Joke
Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob.
So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north.
After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible
blizzard.

They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who
answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house
all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid
the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Jack said. 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if
the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light. 'The lady agreed, and
the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an
attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined
that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on
the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that
good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up
north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' said Bob

'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out,
'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your
name?'

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy,
I'm afraid I did.' 'Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything

"People don't go to heaven when they die; they're taken to a special room and burned!" Evil_monster
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06-12-2013, 12:54 PM
RE: Share A Joke
List of scientists that became creationists after studying the evidence

“Happiness is not the absence of problems; it's the ability to deal with them.”
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10-12-2013, 07:32 AM
RE: Share A Joke
[Image: 2eb14b068816e2e9d0b79fb2729b24.jpg]

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10-12-2013, 03:50 PM
RE: Share A Joke
(10-12-2013 07:32 AM)Revenant77x Wrote:  [Image: 2eb14b068816e2e9d0b79fb2729b24.jpg]

Destroy a ring. Ha! Laugh out load
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17-12-2013, 05:36 PM
RE: Share A Joke
Sean is the vicar of a Church of England parish on the border of Northern Ireland and Southern Ireland and Patrick is the priest at the Roman Catholic Church across the road.

One day they are seen together, erecting a sign which says,

"THE END IS NEAR.
TURN YOURSELF AROUND NOW.
BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE."

As a car speeds past them, the driver leans out his window and yells,
"Leave people alone, you religious nutters. We don't need your lectures."

From around the next curve they hear screeching tyres and a big splash.

Shaking his head, Father Patrick says, "Dat's DA terd one dis mornin'."
"Yaa," Sean agrees, then adds, "Do ya tink maybe DA sign should just say "BRIDGE CLOSED"?

Humankind Dodgy (a total misnomer)
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