Share A Joke
22-02-2012, 07:07 PM (This post was last modified: 22-02-2012 07:11 PM by aurora.)
RE: The joke Thread
MORE ZEN TEACHINGS
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.
2. Sex is like air. It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.
3. No one is listening until you pass wind.
4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
8.. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
12. Some days you are the dog, some days you are the tree.
13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
14.. Good judgment comes from bad experience ... and most of that comes from bad judgment.
15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women. Neither one works.
17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
18 Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our arse - then things just keep getting worse.
20. Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
3.Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
4. Law of Random Numbers - I f you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
6. Variation Law- If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
7.Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
10.Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
11..Law of the Theater & Sports Arena s - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.
12. The Coffee Law - A s soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
14.Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.
15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.. But don't make an appointment, and you'll stay sick.
"If all the world's a stage and all the men and women are the players, then I suppose I am the audience"
Shuty, B. (2013) No Hope for Humanity, Lulu Publishing, US
The following 3 users Like aurora's post:3 users Like aurora's post
Erxomai (22-02-2012), craniumonempty (07-03-2012), horseloveridge (19-07-2013)
|Messages In This Thread|
The Joke Thread - Soldieringon - 03-09-2010, 04:04 PM
RE: The joke Thread - Soldieringon - 03-09-2010, 04:23 PM
RE: The joke Thread - Soldieringon - 05-09-2010, 06:20 AM
RE: The joke Thread - Dregs - 07-09-2010, 07:11 AM
RE: The joke Thread - guyron - 08-09-2010, 05:35 PM
RE: The joke Thread - thecajunathiest - 03-10-2010, 08:54 PM
RE: The joke Thread - Naters - 27-10-2010, 05:00 AM
RE: The joke Thread - malikai - 03-11-2010, 07:32 PM
RE: The joke Thread - freethinker1 - 10-12-2010, 01:52 PM
RE: The joke Thread - jame123 - 20-12-2010, 07:42 AM
RE: The joke Thread - mBear - 21-12-2010, 12:51 AM
RE: The joke Thread - Speiraz - 29-01-2011, 10:42 AM
RE: The joke Thread - freethinker1 - 25-06-2011, 07:44 AM
RE: The joke Thread - That sly kid - 10-07-2011, 10:50 PM
RE: The joke Thread - aurora - 22-02-2012 07:07 PM