Shit My Relatives Say.
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15-04-2017, 12:42 AM (This post was last modified: 15-04-2017 01:06 AM by JesseB.)
RE: Shit My Relatives Say.
I'll start with some harmless ones I was told as a child and see where that goes.

Mom "If you put salt on a birds tail it can't fly" (hands her 3 sons salt shakers, kept them busy for hours).
Mom 2 "Broccoli is ice cream" (entourage kids to eat veggies)
Dad while I was trying to make a salad, he woke up from his drunken stupor walked into the kitchen and said "Peice of shit you better watch yourself" about a dozen times pumping his fists, and when I threw away an empty bag of salad said "What did you just throw away" on the 3rd request I sad "an empty bag" (knowing that anything I say to a bully will only make it worse for me), he asked "and empty bag of what?" My reply "an empty bag of empty bag" (he went and checked the trash, then came back up to me puffing his chest and showing how much taller he is than me) "Piece of shit you better watch yourself" (as I finished making my salad then walked as calmly as I could to my room to eat my salad).

Well shit. I've heard my parents say some crazy shit too but at the moment I can't think of any good examples....
OH Once a guy flipped my dad off in DC traffic and no fucking joke my mom jumped out of the car into traffic to scream at the guy "You should be ashamed of yourself, why don't you show your wife and daughters what you just did" lol (I like to imagine their entire family flipping of my mom as a result) Oh and I flip people off in traffic, sometimes pretty often. Depends on how dangerous and dickish they are being.

AH again on this one mom (not picking on her I barely talk to my dad he's a bigger idiot than she is though),
"It's just wrong the kinds of things they are teaching kids in school" Me: "Like what evolution?" (she cringed at the word evolution) Mom: "No I mean teaching kids to have sex and turning them all gay"

My parents have the flag on EVERYTHING in their house, they have a giant painting of George Washington in the living room AND a declaration of independence almost as tall as me in the living room, they have a constitution in their library (which they've never fucking read) They have said "America is a christian nation" le sigh, has railed against free speech many times (mostly with regards to any mention of Atheism or any non Christian religion). They think the US is a Theocracy (not joking) They don't say it should be, they think it already is.....

My mom keeps telling me I should find a 200 dollar apartment somewhere (cause... that's possible.... Facepalm )
They have told me I could become a millionaire by working as a walmart greeter and not spending any money ever (Not joking they question the purchase of soaps, toothbrushes, food, and pretty much every other thing needed to survive and classify them as "indulgences" They have told me I should never try to make money, and "It is always bad to spend more money" (Trying to convince me I shouldn't move to an area where I can find better work), just work as a walmart greeter (they are obsessed with getting me to apply for that position) and save every penny. (OH and my dad makes like a quarter million a year, and has for almost as long as I can remember.... if they practiced what they preach they really could be multi millionaires and not living paycheck to paycheck. They have no concept of the cost of living for anyone who makes less than them, and think that everyone is worthless cause they don't save enough, but my parents are exempt from saving cause they are special and perfect)

OH and my favorite "Oh honey, college isn't for everyone" (going on to claim I was a retard and trying to prove it by asking me to instantly memorize some random paragraph, which was the legalese on the back of one of their bills). They often do things like this, giving me outrageous things in order to prove I'm not a retard and overload me with requests and take a hostile tone that tends to compromise me emotionally (retard being their word for almost 30 fucking years. Not mine. They finally stopped saying it when I started throwing it back in their fucking faces, now they try to claim autism or schizophrenia both of which are also bullshit also when they say crazy or autistic its in ways that imply retarded. they have no understanding of what autism or schizophrenia are and it shows.... so I know what they are really saying to me)

OH THAT REMINDS ME "You have to understand the thing about Jesse, he's autistic so he doesn't understand when you tell him things" (Since their back was turned to me they didn't see me giving them double fuck you fingers behind their back. My disagreeing with their insanely stupid bullshit is not the same thing as their failure to fucking understand kindergarten level concepts)

(It's important to note I don't call people other than myself a retard. This is my own thing thanks to how I was treated, similar to calling myself a monster ect. None of it is fucking true, sometimes you have to be vocal and throw shit back in peoples faces, holding a mirror up to their shitty behavior to get them to see it. Calling someone a retard is about the shittiest thing one person can do to another. I don't condone it and will fucking be very hostile if it happens in my presence, for obvious reasons)

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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15-04-2017, 04:29 AM
RE: Shit My Relatives Say.
(14-04-2017 03:36 PM)Larai19 Wrote:  I thought I'd do a thread dedicated to my relatives and the lovely things they say.

When my 96-year-old mother-in-law was suffering from dementia several months before she died, my wife and I had to baby-sit her in the evenings when she was at her worst. She couldn't carry on reasonable conversations, so we usually sat with her and watched TV, at least until she couldn't handle that either. From her comments, it became clear she was following less and less of what was happening on the shows we watched, and often asked the same questions over and over or confused the commercials with the shows themselves.

Anyway, one time we were watching a show on the Disney Channel together when she asked me, "Is that a real talking dog?"
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15-04-2017, 04:30 AM
RE: Shit My Relatives Say.
(15-04-2017 04:29 AM)Thoreauvian Wrote:  
(14-04-2017 03:36 PM)Larai19 Wrote:  I thought I'd do a thread dedicated to my relatives and the lovely things they say.

When my 96-year-old mother-in-law was suffering from dementia several months before she died, my wife and I had to baby-sit her in the evenings when she was at her worst. She couldn't carry on reasonable conversations, so we usually sat with her and watched TV, at least until she couldn't handle that either. From her comments, it became clear she was following less and less of what was happening on the shows we watched, and often asked the same questions over and over or confused the commercials with the shows themselves.

Anyway, one time we were watching a show on the Disney Channel together when she asked me, "Is that a real talking dog?"

as horrible and painful as that must have been.... it is a little funny....
(my grandma had that too, pretty sure my mom does too, that's hard as hell to watch)

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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15-04-2017, 04:43 AM (This post was last modified: 15-04-2017 04:55 AM by Thoreauvian.)
RE: Shit My Relatives Say.
(15-04-2017 04:30 AM)JesseB Wrote:  (my grandma had that too, pretty sure my mom does too, that's hard as hell to watch)

We lived right next door, and had taken care of my mother-in-law since she was in her mid-seventies. She had a cell phone to call my wife (who didn't otherwise work) anytime she needed something. In the last year, when her memory was shot, she would forget when she had called and what she had asked, so she ended up calling over and over again. Her record, according to our count, was 33 calls in one afternoon and evening.

You lose the person you knew long before she dies.
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15-04-2017, 04:45 AM
RE: Shit My Relatives Say.
(15-04-2017 04:43 AM)Thoreauvian Wrote:  
(15-04-2017 04:30 AM)JesseB Wrote:  (my grandma had that too, pretty sure my mom does too, that's hard as hell to watch)

We lived right next door, and had taken care of my mother-in-law since she was in her mid-seventies. She had a cell phone to call my wife (who didn't otherwise work) anytime she needed something. In the last year, when her memory was shot, she would forget when she had called and what she had asked, so she ended up calling over and over again. Her record, according to our count, was 33 calls in one afternoon and evening.

You lose the person you knew before she dies.

One of my customers called me that many times, she doesn't have dementia she's just really fucking annoying.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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15-04-2017, 04:57 AM
RE: Shit My Relatives Say.
(15-04-2017 04:45 AM)JesseB Wrote:  One of my customers called me that many times, she doesn't have dementia she's just really fucking annoying.

My mother-in-law was also annoying even before she had dementia, so perhaps the dementia amplified some of her worst personality traits.
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15-04-2017, 05:25 AM
RE: Shit My Relatives Say.
(14-04-2017 03:36 PM)Larai19 Wrote:  And the last one I can't remember what brought it up but my mother tried to convince me that night is caused by really dark clouds forming together.

I would probably be masochistic enough to ask her- do you believe the Earth is round? If so, what happens when the Earth rotates and you are opposite the sun?

I should probably have a full bottle of Tequila on hand before I attempt this. Big Grin

Gods derive their power from post-hoc rationalizations. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
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15-04-2017, 06:02 AM
RE: Shit My Relatives Say.
(15-04-2017 04:45 AM)JesseB Wrote:  
(15-04-2017 04:43 AM)Thoreauvian Wrote:  We lived right next door, and had taken care of my mother-in-law since she was in her mid-seventies. She had a cell phone to call my wife (who didn't otherwise work) anytime she needed something. In the last year, when her memory was shot, she would forget when she had called and what she had asked, so she ended up calling over and over again. Her record, according to our count, was 33 calls in one afternoon and evening.

You lose the person you knew before she dies.

One of my customers called me that many times, she doesn't have dementia she's just really fucking annoying.

You won't have that problem once you become a Walmart greeter. Tongue

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15-04-2017, 09:50 AM
RE: Shit My Relatives Say.
(15-04-2017 06:02 AM)Chas Wrote:  
(15-04-2017 04:45 AM)JesseB Wrote:  One of my customers called me that many times, she doesn't have dementia she's just really fucking annoying.

You won't have that problem once you become a Walmart greeter. Tongue

Perhaps not, but I'm sure I'll find new levels of exotic hatred for the species at that job.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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