Shit your pants stories
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02-12-2015, 03:41 PM
RE: Shit your pants stories
(02-12-2015 12:55 PM)Bucky Ball Wrote:  I lived a deprived life, so I have *oopsy-poopsy in da pants* stories ... the closest I came, was once when I was first in the hospital watching monitiors, I had to go hook up the leads on some patient who had either pulled them off, or was new. I had on a really nice pair of new perfectly white leather bumpers (tennis shoes). So he wanted to get out of bed, which he wasn't supposed to do, and after sitting him up on the side of the bed, and whatever, I look down, and there on my nice new right shoe was a big fat turd. New white bumpers were no longer so perfectly white. Just then the docs walk in, and we all spotted it at the same moment, and all burst out laughing. Weeping

And this is why I don't work in the medical field.

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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02-12-2015, 04:44 PM
RE: Shit your pants stories
There was an old as fuck Red Cross volunteer in the ED - he would take walking patients from the lobby to their rooms. Super sweet. Did I mention old as fuck? We were always afraid he was going to code. One day we kept finding small pieces of poo on the floor in the halls. We finally figured out the culprit when we saw a piece fall out of his pants leg. I felt sorry for him.


Only time I remember shitting my pants was when I had a nasty stomach virus - I don't remember much of the ambulance ride. My ex came home after I stopped making sense when he was talking to me, walked in the apartment and called 911 when he saw me. I vomited and shat at the same time for over 12 hours - at some point I was no longer capable of sitting on the toilet and just laid in the floor. Didn't really mess up my undies too bad - at that point all of it was clear liquid anyway. I puked on the hospital floor as they were about to move me from the stretcher to the bed. When the doc walked in he didn't even see it to know he was standing in it.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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02-12-2015, 05:09 PM
RE: Shit your pants stories
(02-12-2015 12:45 PM)yakherder Wrote:  
(02-12-2015 11:53 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  I believe you can still be fired for saying it on the radio, and non-cable tv.

The risk of someone hearing the word before they reach the age of 18 is just too high to risk allowing it to be said on public television. All it takes is one slip of the tongue, and the life of an innocent child is completely ruined.

Why do you think Atheism is on the rise?

Swearing corrupts young minds.
Corrupt minds rebel against god and become Atheists.
Atheists swear and the process repeats itself.

It's not facts, readily available information in a new age of interwebz etc.. etc.. causing Atheism to rise, it's swearing. And gays.
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02-12-2015, 05:28 PM
RE: Shit your pants stories
Closest I've ever come to 'shitting my pants'/being killed was on my motorbike.

Allow me to paint you a picture it'll be quicker and easier.

[Image: Untitled_1.jpg]

So remember we drive on the left here.
I'm the orange oval.
Red is sitting the middle of the road turning right (which is normal and fine). He can't turn because he has to wait for blue. Green is turning left but he can't go because he has to wait for me (orange). So he's sitting there waiting for me to pass. Pink rocks up and is suppose to wait for me to pass before turning BUT because red is a massive SUV he can't see me (whereas green could) because I'm hidden behind red.
So pink turns right and pulls out right infront of me. I'm going like 120km/ph on a motorbike with no safety gear on except my helmet. I only just missed him. Seeing a car pull out right infront of you while you're going reasonable fast on a motorbike has got to be the most terrifying thing in the world.

Sure pink didn't see me because of red. BUT they should have seen that green wasn't going and taken a second look as to why, especially because there was a big SUV blocking their vision.
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02-12-2015, 05:40 PM (This post was last modified: 02-12-2015 05:43 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Shit your pants stories
Too many to count. Suffice to say I keep a spare set of clothes at work and they gave me a corner office next to the head.

And how have we gone 3 pages without George Brett's story?




#sigh
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02-12-2015, 05:45 PM
RE: Shit your pants stories
(01-12-2015 11:36 AM)jennybee Wrote:  
(01-12-2015 10:55 AM)Erxomai Wrote:  So one of the podcasts I listen to regularly is Will Sasso's (Mad TV) Ten Minute Podcast.


A couple of ten minute episodes has been them taking Skype calls from listeners who share their Shit-your-pants stories.


I don't have any specific stories. I've sharted a few times, of course. I've had to leave my undies in a men's restroom a time or two.


How about you? What are your Shit-your-pants stories?
Drinking Beverage

Did you just leave your sharted on undies in the stall for the next person? Hobo

Well, my story I would not tell if anyone was around to see my face. I had just gotten back in the country of the Dominican Republic where I am retired from a month in the USA at the home of my family. My sister in law.s cooking always gives me the shitses. My car was laid up. The guy I left it with had had a problem so he left it with a mechanic and I had to go after it. I live on a hill and walking down hill for over a mile is not hard at all, but I never walk up, but half way to the mechanic shop I started to have that feeling that I had to go NOW! and I was passing a bar which was not open. But I saw people around the back door and waddled (by then) around back. No, I would not be allowed to use the bathroom I was told by the bossman. SO I waddled on down the street. It was too late. I felt the gush and kept shuffling. I came to a pizza place which was not open yet either ,but the woman in charge though she could probably smell me allowed me in to use the bathroom. I was wearing shorts as I always do in this climate and some shit had slid down my leg by then. I quickly sacrificed my handkerchief and then washed out my undershorts and used them to clean up my legs and between them. The underwear as well as the handkerchief stayed in the waste basket. Most of the thirds world one does not put toilet paper in the toilet, it goes in a waste basket alongside the john. So the two sarticles of clothing at least had a place to go.
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02-12-2015, 05:57 PM
RE: Shit your pants stories
(01-12-2015 11:04 AM)jennybee Wrote:  I never shat my pants in public, but I did get my period earlier than I was expecting when I was hiking once and I didn't have any tampons. I'm sure from my pants, I looked liked my vagina was hacked by Jason.

At the airport in New Orleans I was behind a well dressed chic 20 something lady who had a red smear in her pants from obviously her period starting unexpectedly. Being an older man I did not wish to embarrass her any more than necessary, so I pointed it out to the mature lady behind me thinking she would subtly tell the lady about her problem, but the old gal started laughing and pointing until the afflicted one saw that she was the point of the laughter and realized her problem. When we got down to the plane loading area she was there with changed slacks, the laugher was no where in site.
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02-12-2015, 06:08 PM
RE: Shit your pants stories
(02-12-2015 05:28 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  So remember we drive on the left here.

Well there you go. Drinking Beverage

#sigh
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02-12-2015, 06:11 PM
RE: Shit your pants stories
(02-12-2015 05:57 PM)DerFish Wrote:  
(01-12-2015 11:04 AM)jennybee Wrote:  I never shat my pants in public, but I did get my period earlier than I was expecting when I was hiking once and I didn't have any tampons. I'm sure from my pants, I looked liked my vagina was hacked by Jason.

At the airport in New Orleans I was behind a well dressed chic 20 something lady who had a red smear in her pants from obviously her period starting unexpectedly. Being an older man I did not wish to embarrass her any more than necessary, so I pointed it out to the mature lady behind me thinking she would subtly tell the lady about her problem, but the old gal started laughing and pointing until the afflicted one saw that she was the point of the laughter and realized her problem. When we got down to the plane loading area she was there with changed slacks, the laugher was no where in site.

Luckily, I was by myself in the woods when it happened. So for the most part, no one saw me. It was in the summer so I didn't have a coat or hoodie or anything to cover myself up with either which sucked. I did shuffle pass two people on my way back to my jeep. I know they saw Blush but luckily they didn't say anything. I just kept walking my dog and tried to get out of there as soon as possible. Hobo

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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03-12-2015, 07:34 AM
RE: Shit your pants stories
(02-12-2015 05:40 PM)GirlyMan Wrote:  Too many to count. Suffice to say I keep a spare set of clothes at work and they gave me a corner office next to the head.

And how have we gone 3 pages without George Brett's story?




Did he tell that because he knew the camera was on him? What a strange, funny thing to have on video. Big Grin

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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