Shit your pants stories
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03-12-2015, 07:35 AM
RE: Shit your pants stories
(02-12-2015 05:28 PM)earmuffs Wrote:  Closest I've ever come to 'shitting my pants'/being killed was on my motorbike.

Allow me to paint you a picture it'll be quicker and easier.

[Image: Untitled_1.jpg]

So remember we drive on the left here.
I'm the orange oval.
Red is sitting the middle of the road turning right (which is normal and fine). He can't turn because he has to wait for blue. Green is turning left but he can't go because he has to wait for me (orange). So he's sitting there waiting for me to pass. Pink rocks up and is suppose to wait for me to pass before turning BUT because red is a massive SUV he can't see me (whereas green could) because I'm hidden behind red.
So pink turns right and pulls out right infront of me. I'm going like 120km/ph on a motorbike with no safety gear on except my helmet. I only just missed him. Seeing a car pull out right infront of you while you're going reasonable fast on a motorbike has got to be the most terrifying thing in the world.

Sure pink didn't see me because of red. BUT they should have seen that green wasn't going and taken a second look as to why, especially because there was a big SUV blocking their vision.

Saw the same thing on an episode of the Brady Bunch. Drinking Beverage

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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07-12-2015, 10:39 PM
RE: Shit your pants stories
It was a couple of days after I had arrived for a week long visit to my Dad's house. He was in the only bathroom available, and I felt like I usually do. All of a sudden, and within seconds, an urge came over me to get butt relief. It wasn't diarrhea, but it wanted out right away. I went over next to the door and did the dance of discomfort for a few minutes. I tapped in the door a couple of times and groaned, and tried to hold it as best I could. The whole turd just came right out in a smooth slip and plop. It felt like mud and straw. Due to that, I now look in amazement at how we managed so many years not to poop ourselves in that small house. I also think it's amazing that supposedly my grandfather and his five or more siblings never pooped their cloths during the night, as they had to step over one another in the dark to go out side and use the one outhouse.
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08-12-2015, 12:00 AM
RE: Shit your pants stories
Wul...I'm totally flabbergasted! What's with you people shitting in your pants. Huh I haven't shit my pants since I was a baby. When I saw the title of the thread I thought it was about super scary stories that scared the crap out of people, but not fuckin literal "crap". Blink

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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08-12-2015, 12:02 AM
RE: Shit your pants stories
(08-12-2015 12:00 AM)dancefortwo Wrote:  Wul...I'm totally flabbergasted! What's with you people shitting in your pants. Huh I haven't shit my pants since I was a baby. When I saw the title of the thread I thought it was about super scary stories that scared the crap out of people, but not fuckin literal "crap". Blink

That would be a clever thread too! Thumbsup

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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08-12-2015, 08:34 AM
RE: Shit your pants stories
(08-12-2015 12:00 AM)dancefortwo Wrote:  Wul...I'm totally flabbergasted! What's with you people shitting in your pants. Huh I haven't shit my pants since I was a baby. When I saw the title of the thread I thought it was about super scary stories that scared the crap out of people, but not fuckin literal "crap". Blink

I was not going to tell a story till I read this reply. This one's for you, dancefortwo Big Grin

Many years ago I worked at Sears in the service department. When the warehouse man went to lunch I'd help cover the loading dock for customers picking up appliances and such. One of my co-workers who I also drank with was there, and we both went up one day when the warehouse bell rang.
The customer had a dishwasher and a trash compactor to pick up. We go racing back with hand trucks, as we are constantly goofing around anyway.
We both get our boxes on the hand trucks, he the dishwasher and I the trash compactor.
We proceed to race our way back up through the racks, taking corners on one wheel and laughing all the while. On the home stretch it turns into a footrace. he executes the perfect "pick maneuver", bumping the back corner of the box and sending me off the course right up onto a stack of carpet rolls.
Here is where it all happens.
1) trash compactors are both narrow and very heavy. Not stable.
2)I do not want to have this thing crash on its side within earshot of the customer around the corner.

Keeping in mind the two points above, I apply all my herculean strength to keep this thing upright and in control as I go sailing into the carpet rolls.
Now is when the malevolent stealth diarrhea chooses to reveal itself.
It had lurked undetected by normal means, up around a few corners. My great efforts sent it out like a wad of Walmart shoppers rushing the door on Black Friday. I had no chance. Some escaped into my chones.
My buddy said the look on my face was priceless. he looks back and I looked shocked, as if somebody had just stepped on my puppy dog intentionally.
I recover my composure and stiff leg my way through the customer interaction, loading it up on his truck, initialing the receipt, and then go wash out my underwear and dry it as best I can. Up till then he had no idea of the source of my expression but he laughed long and loud at my expense.
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08-12-2015, 08:59 PM
RE: Shit your pants stories
I think the only time I've ever had leakage of bodily fluids is when I was nursing my babies. Guys may not know this but nursing mothers have a let down reflex that releases the milk. It's triggered by the sound of a baby crying, not necessarily their own babies, and other sounds. For me the sounds that triggered the release of milk was rain, a purring cat, the hum of a refrigerator and even stranger, the sound of a barista mixing up lattes and other drinks.

So one time I was in Starbucks...........

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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08-12-2015, 09:26 PM
RE: Shit your pants stories
yep my sisters all had babies near the same time and I remember one of them would press on her boobs firmly when her sister's baby started to cry. Sort of a double dutch girl thing.
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08-12-2015, 09:50 PM
RE: Shit your pants stories
I'm shitting my pants right now. Yes
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09-12-2015, 12:03 AM
RE: Shit your pants stories
Underestimated the power of milk of magnesia. Shit once before I left my girlfriend's house thinking I was in the clear I headed home. The urge was to powerful and to painful to fight long and I was alone in my truck so I just suffered the blowout and cleaned up the aftermath after I got home.

Damn near sharted in my undies Monday night while taking a piss and trusted a fart. Life is dangerous when experiencing butt pee.
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11-12-2015, 07:20 AM
RE: Shit your pants stories
(02-12-2015 04:44 PM)Nurse Wrote:  There was an old as fuck Red Cross volunteer in the ED - he would take walking patients from the lobby to their rooms. Super sweet. Did I mention old as fuck? We were always afraid he was going to code. One day we kept finding small pieces of poo on the floor in the halls. We finally figured out the culprit when we saw a piece fall out of his pants leg. I felt sorry for him.


Only time I remember shitting my pants was when I had a nasty stomach virus - I don't remember much of the ambulance ride. My ex came home after I stopped making sense when he was talking to me, walked in the apartment and called 911 when he saw me. I vomited and shat at the same time for over 12 hours - at some point I was no longer capable of sitting on the toilet and just laid in the floor. Didn't really mess up my undies too bad - at that point all of it was clear liquid anyway. I puked on the hospital floor as they were about to move me from the stretcher to the bed. When the doc walked in he didn't even see it to know he was standing in it.

There are a lot of great stories, but you get an imaginary gold star for also involving puke!

It was just a fucking apple man, we're sorry okay? Please stop the madness Laugh out load
~Izel
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