Should I Stay or Should I Go
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04-06-2015, 05:05 AM
Should I Stay or Should I Go
I have no idea what to do. For months I've been trying to make a decision about my job and living situation. I have until mid July at my ex's aunt and uncle's house. My ex has already signed the divorce papers. At this point, he's waiting on me to make a decision about where to work. I told him I wasn't signing shit until I made a decision - "You owe me. You can keep me as your legal spouse a little longer and put me on your health insurance until I get coverage from my new employer." When I reminded him that our son would also be uninsured, that I kept him on my plan, and that it costs the same on his plan to add just the child or spouse and child, he relented.

Option A. I could go back to work for my former employer - they treat their nurses like shit and are among the lowest paid in the country. I'd still have my parents up my ass about "finding a church home." However, I'd be able to have my son more often, wouldn't pay my ex a dime of child support, and would be doing significantly less driving.

Option B. I could stay at my current employer - who pays me significantly more and treats it's nurses sooooo well - continue to learn my job and apply for CRNA school next summer. I'd have my own space and more easily pick up overtime shifts. I love this city. However, I'd see my son less and I would still do a significant amount of driving. While rent is expensive, the apartments I'm looking at in Huntsville are only $300 less per month - my paycut would be waaaaaay more than that (although it would be a 2 bed/2 bath in Huntsville vs a 1 bed/1 bath in my work city. Otherwise rent would be double)


Basically, more time with my son but 2+ years in a shit job vs fantastic career and less time with son. I could use some insight, 'cause I'm at a fucking loss for what to do.





"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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04-06-2015, 05:15 AM
Should I Stay or Should I Go
That's a toughie. It just depends on how much time you do get with your son. Will it be enough? If so, go with option B. If not, then go with option A.

You will never get the years back once he is grown. Again, this is a tough decision.
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04-06-2015, 05:20 AM
RE: Should I Stay or Should I Go
Going back to your former employer is as bad an idea as going back to your ex husband..


The problems that were, are still going to be the problems that are.

I assume you left both, for good reasons.

Trust your own judgement.

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04-06-2015, 05:43 AM
RE: Should I Stay or Should I Go
What do you want to do?

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04-06-2015, 06:18 AM
RE: Should I Stay or Should I Go
#2, definitely. Just make the extra effort to see your son, but build a future for yourself too. Your son will grow up and you will have to keep living with your decisions.

If you visit less, maybe you can do daily phone calls. You might actually be a bigger part of his life that way, and learn more about him, too.

And more money may come in handy with the kid too....

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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04-06-2015, 06:19 AM
RE: Should I Stay or Should I Go
It's a tough one, but I'd opt for option B. Life's too short and you gotta do what's you feel is best for yourself, which in the long run will be best for the kid as well. Either way you come across as a genuine person and I'm sure you'll do what's best. Good luck.

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― José Martí
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04-06-2015, 06:38 AM
Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go
It's better for kids if their parent is not miserable. Can you deal with a shit job and nagging parents -and be happy?
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04-06-2015, 07:31 AM
RE: Should I Stay or Should I Go
Toughie. I don't think there is a good answer here as you're unlikely to be happy with either choice. You either hate your job or don't see your kid as much.

I have no great insight, but jobs are temporary and kids are forever. I guess it comes down to how much it will hurt both of you to spend less time with him.

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04-06-2015, 07:32 AM
RE: Should I Stay or Should I Go
If it were just a matter of the pay, I'd say stay in Huntsvegas and tough it out for your son. However, being treated like poo is no good for you or your son. Take the good job but spend every spare second with your son that you can. That might mean wearing the tires off your car, turning down some OT and possibly even delaying CRNA school. You'll be happy in the better job but will sacrifice some $ and delay your career a bit. But it seems like the best compromise.

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04-06-2015, 07:38 AM
RE: Should I Stay or Should I Go
Is your former employer your ONLY option near your son?

Is it possible to live between these two options?


how much less will you be seeing your son if you go with option b?


I would exhaust any third option out there. other employers, other towns to live in, etc.


if none of that works then go with the choice that will make you happy in the long run.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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