Should I spend £1000 to attempt to turn my life around?
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
01-02-2014, 06:16 PM
Should I spend £1000 to attempt to turn my life around?
This is a serious question which I am seriously considering doing. My life sucks at the moment and has done for the past 4/5 years. I have social anxiety disorder and have had it since I can remember. I also have recently been diagnosed with severe depression however this has now improved and is now mild.

I am very nearly 21 years old, I have never had a girlfriend, I am a virgin, I don't have any friends currently and I am having no fun in my life as I have nobody to hang out with.

One of the main issues which has given me social anxiety and contributes to it continuing is my blushing and rosacea. My face goes bright red when anxious, embarrassed, exercising etc. You can pay for laser treatment for this but it would cost alot of money.

Another thing is that I am quite an ugly guy, I have acne scars, I am only 5ft6, so I want to spend money on buying fashionable clothes so I can improve my appearance and make me more confident around others. I know this might be shallow, but lets face it, appearances matter in life.

I really want to have a GF and have sex with women and when I see an attractive woman or people my age having fun with friends, it really hits home to me and it makes me realise that I really need to change my life around and that I have missed out in life so far.

Another thing to consider is that I am a student and although I have £2000 of my own money saved, I am worried that I should be saving this money for the future and that I am already spending £15,000 a year on education so I cannot throw my money away.

On the other hand though, if it will turn my life around and make me happy then you cannot put a price on that, and that you cannot take money to the grave with you, and we only have once chance in life so you need to not waste your life.

Do you think this is a good or bad idea, and why?

Thanks

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth." - Henry David Thoreau
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
01-02-2014, 06:35 PM
RE: Should I spend £1000 to attempt to turn my life around?
I don't see any issue with getting yourself some new clothes. Hire a personal shopper to help you pick styles and colors that will match you well. That way, you don't spend a ton if money on clothes that you may end up being unhappy with.

I agree that sometimes sprucing up your outer appearance can give you an inner self confidence, but ifyour issue is chemical, and not just how you feel about your appearance, it could be a short lasting confidence. If you haven't tried it before, maybe try seeing a talk therapist. They can help you sort through a couple of things, and can usually tell you if you need to see a psychiatrist about a chemical imbalance. It could be that you don't need to see a psychiatrist after all, but going to a therapist... I can't tell you how helpful they can be!

I'm not sure what to say about the surgery. Do you know how much of your savings that would eat up? Part of me sees it as a good investment. It will be a lasting improvement that you can enjoy for the rest of your life.... But if it is going to take most of the money you have socked away, I can't say if it's the best idea NOW.

As far as wanting a girlfriend, and sex. I'd try as best as you can to set that aside for now. I know, it's impossible lol. But I truly believe in the old saying: you have to be able to love you, before you can love others. Once you get a few things worked out with you, the sexual relationships will follow, because you're happy, and confident with yourself.

Keep me posted?
Hug
Emily

Edit: I see you said you were diagnosed with depression, so it seems you've got therapy figured out, ignore that part Wink are you using anti-depressants, or talk therapy combined with lifestyle changes to battle it?
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
01-02-2014, 06:48 PM
RE: Should I spend £1000 to attempt to turn my life around?
Depression is a cycle. You feel sad so you focus on your problems and this makes you feel more sad.

Anti-depressants break that cycle and give you a chance to sort out the problems that caused you to originally become depressed.

Sorting out whatever problems that are mentally holding you back from being confident in yourself and around women is all part of the process of recovering from depression and moving onto the next part of your life. With any luck in a few years time you won't need to wear good clothes to be confident in yourself, but if you need it now then this sounds like a good idea to me.

And remember, if the operation is a success and you sort out your blushing and rosacea, you will always look back on it for the rest of your life and be glad that you spent that money.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
01-02-2014, 07:07 PM
RE: Should I spend £1000 to attempt to turn my life around?
There are topical medications that may help with the scarring if it's not too bad. Ask your doctor about trying Retin-A or something similar. There are different types, some cause a lot of peeling some not so much. Ask a medical professional if that is an option for you. There are also places that could do some exfoliation treatments to help with your skin. Perhaps a really good skin care program along with some topical meds would help and would be cheaper than laser surgery.

As for clothing, have you figured out your style yet? Get a couple of things that you like and wear them to see if it works for you. Don't just go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. Once you find what you like, you can add to it.

I think it's good that you are looking for other steps to become more confident. Good luck and keep us posted.

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
01-02-2014, 07:23 PM
RE: Should I spend £1000 to attempt to turn my life around?
Thanks for your advice. I am thinking that although it is going to be expensive whatever method I use to treat my rosacea, acne scaring and getting good clothing, I can always pay if off in the future by working most days of the summer in a summer job. I know you really shouldn't do this, as people always say they will do something in the future in return for something now and they never do, but I feel as if this is an exception, as I need the results asap as my youth and freedom of university will not last much longer. I think I will go for it, ill wait and see what some others say as well though. I really wish my parents would contribute some money towards this, as it is partly their fault im in this situation, for example my mother has SA yet didnt do anything to help me overcome it, and never took me to preschool or anything so I was always behind in social development, but thats a whole other topic.

"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth." - Henry David Thoreau
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
01-02-2014, 08:29 PM
RE: Should I spend £1000 to attempt to turn my life around?
Look into finding a dermatologist. Try out some different medicines before you revert to laser treating your complexion.

I wouldn't blow all of your money on clothes, etc. Thrift shop, find clothes you are comfortable in, clothes that suit your personality, not clothes you see other people wearing that you may not be comfortable in yourself.

Try something different with your hair, hit up the gym a few times a week, eat really healthy; you'd be surprised at how the smallest things like pampering yourself and having a nice diet can improve your self esteem.

Overall, set your goal to find confidence. You need to be comfortable with yourself before you can race out into the world to satisfy yourself. Becoming comfortable with yourself could possibly improve your social anxiety.

Smile
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Ferdinand's post
Post Reply
Forum Jump: