Should I tell my Mother I am Agnostic?
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12-08-2016, 07:29 PM
Should I tell my Mother I am Agnostic?

I am normally not one to post my problems online however this is just upsetting me deeply. To make things short my mom is a Christian, I however have recently become Agnostic, leaning to Atheist due to many facts of the world, and my mom does not know I am. I love my mom, and I never wish to change her beliefs as I respect hers, however, I feel if I tell her that I am Agnostic/Atheist she would be upset, disappointed or even worried. I do not want to pull that on her as she has always been there for me while my dad was...well he is just an asshole to put it blunt but he lives in another state. I have no one really to talk to as I only have two friends, one who is a Christian and the other, well, I am not completely sure.

I just do not know what I should do...


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12-08-2016, 07:54 PM
RE: Should I tell my Mother I am Agnostic?
Maybe.

- When you say that your mother is Christian what type and how devout? My mother is a pretty liberal Christian so it wasn't a big issue. Others had less happy endings. It depends greatly on the parent and their religious convictions.

- How dependant are you on her? If things go poorly how much do you stand to lose?

You're right, she will be upset, disappointed and worried. That's normal and unavoidable. You've just rejected what she considers to be core values that she tried very hard to instill in you. Depending on your mom you can expect anything from some awkward conversations on up. Hard to know how badly she'll react without knowing more about her.

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12-08-2016, 08:04 PM (This post was last modified: 12-08-2016 08:15 PM by BlackWolf.)
RE: Should I tell my Mother I am Agnostic?
Well, she is like those Christians that are open-minded to most things but closed-minded on Christianity. I mean she does respect other religions but kind of feels Christianity is right.

I am very dependent on her as I am not great at functioning in life. If things go south, then the worse that could happen is she will try to quote the bible and the whole hell thing.

See the reason she believes is due to an experience she had at 12 she had a feeling that the holy spirit was in the room with her. Now as an Agnostic is it possible? Maybe. However, I would look at facts first, mainly in Psychology. But who knows as I cannot know what she felt.


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12-08-2016, 08:39 PM
RE: Should I tell my Mother I am Agnostic?
(12-08-2016 08:04 PM)BlackWolf Wrote:  Well, she is like those Christians that are open-minded to most things but closed-minded on Christianity.

I am very dependent on her as I am not great at functioning in life. If things go south, then the worse that could happen is she will try to quote the bible and the whole hell thing.

OK, doesn't sound too bad. If you browse the "Recovering from Religion" section you'll find some true nightmare stories. I feel kinda like I cheated by having a sane family when it came to that. Since I missed out on that part you might want to wait for some forum members with more "colourful" pasts to chime in.

Quote:See the reason she believes is due to an experience she had at 12 she had a feeling that the holy spirit was in the room with her. Now as an Agnostic is it possible? Maybe. However, I would look at facts first, mainly in Psychology. But who knows as I cannot know what she felt.

Nope, you can't know. That's why anecdotal evidence is useless. None of us can know what the other actually experienced. There are many psychological explanations but none of them are terribly important. She believes because it's real to her.

Given what you mentioned in your intro I'm guessing that she may have an inkling that this is coming. It may be better that she hears it from you first rather than stumbling over it later. Don't want her to hear it from Facebook.

Honestly, only you can answer this one. From the way you describe her it doesn't sound like the worst case will be worse than some nasty hellfire and brimstone sermons.

If you decide to do this do everything reasonable to avoid needless confrontation. It'll be messy enough as is.
- Pick a good time. Some time when you're both in decent frames of mind. Not rushed, tired or irritated. When you're both mellow after a meal is a decent time.
- Try to keep your head. This is going to be emotional and you need to avoid knee-jerk reactions that can escalate into something truly ugly.
- Try not to challenge her beliefs any more than this already will. Sounds like you have this covered already.
- Don't get sucked into a deep argument about your beliefs. You can discuss later after the initial shock has worn off.
- Leave off the black and anything else that ticks her off for this occasion. No need for extra provocation.

At the end of the day your mom needs to understand two things: You're still you and you still love her. Use hugs shamelessly. Hug

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12-08-2016, 08:53 PM
RE: Should I tell my Mother I am Agnostic?
My mom is okay with me wearing all black, she was always okay with that. She is just proud that at 24 I have never done drugs or had sex and never been in jail for a crime. Like when I came out about being bisexual (later on down the road I realized I was straight) she was just a bit like "No your not." or "it is just a phase."

Honestly I know that it is not that bad. I have heard a lot of the stories from Seth's Podcast and I know my mom would never kick me out or anything crazy but still I just want to be able to tell her and she just be okay with it and not be disappointed of just the simple fact I am viewing the world from a scientific point of view. And Facebook...yeah my mom does not even know how to turn on a computer.

Thank you by the way.


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12-08-2016, 09:18 PM
RE: Should I tell my Mother I am Agnostic?
(12-08-2016 08:53 PM)BlackWolf Wrote:  My mom is okay with me wearing all black, she was always okay with that. She is just proud that at 24 I have never done drugs or had sex and never been in jail for a crime. Like when I came out about being bisexual (later on down the road I realized I was straight) she was just a bit like "No your not." or "it is just a phase."

Your mom sounds pretty level-headed.

Quote:Honestly I know that it is not that bad. I have heard a lot of the stories from Seth's Podcast and I know my mom would never kick me out or anything crazy but still I just want to be able to tell her and she just be okay with it and not be disappointed of just the simple fact I am viewing the world from a scientific point of view. And Facebook...yeah my mom does not even know how to turn on a computer.

Thank you by the way.

No problem.

Count yourself lucky on the computer front. I spent 18 months teaching my mom how to use a mouse and still have to do tech repairs when she accidentally closes a window. Weeping

Very glad to hear that your mom isn't the sort to go ballistic over this. That isn't always the case and I didn't want to suggest that you tell her if she was likely to react poorly.

At the end of the day she's your mom and you're her daughter. That wins out over religion in all but the worst cases. In the meanwhile you can expect some hurt feelings and possibly some fiery sermons. Nothing to be done about that though.

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12-08-2016, 09:28 PM
RE: Should I tell my Mother I am Agnostic?
Haha yeah. But yah. Oh and I am a guy not a girl haha xD And an only child too so she may try to tell me about hell a lot.


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12-08-2016, 09:43 PM
RE: Should I tell my Mother I am Agnostic?
Damned avatars Facepalm I suspect that you already know that I am a human, not a sundew.

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12-08-2016, 09:58 PM
RE: Should I tell my Mother I am Agnostic?
(12-08-2016 07:29 PM)BlackWolf Wrote:  
I am normally not one to post my problems online however this is just upsetting me deeply. To make things short my mom is a Christian, I however have recently become Agnostic, leaning to Atheist due to many facts of the world, and my mom does not know I am. I love my mom, and I never wish to change her beliefs as I respect hers, however, I feel if I tell her that I am Agnostic/Atheist she would be upset, disappointed or even worried. I do not want to pull that on her as she has always been there for me while my dad was...well he is just an asshole to put it blunt but he lives in another state. I have no one really to talk to as I only have two friends, one who is a Christian and the other, well, I am not completely sure.

I just do not know what I should do...
First: Welcome!

Sigh. (Please don't take this the wrong way.)
but you are yet another person who thinks agnosticism is a middle ground between atheism and theism. It isn't. Period.
Agnosticism/Gnosticism and Atheism/Theism are apples and oranges.
It is also important to note Atheism and Religion are not mutually exclusive.
You can be a religious atheist, although christians just can't wrap their minds around that concept.

If you tell you mother you are an agnostic, you have not told her whether you believe the theistic claim or not. You have told her you don't know which answer is correct.
Most of us atheists are in that category, we don't know either.
We are atheists because the evidence presented by theists (like your mother) is not good enough to believe anymore.
Whether a theist believes in shiva or thor or zeus or zoroaster or allah or yahweh or jehovah or (insert god claim here). Their evidence is just not good enough.

Most of us were theists at some point. And I would say that most of us on this board were christians too. We don't hate, as a rule, christians or any theist. There was even a christian moderator here but he is just a regular poster now.
Most people are generally good people regardless of their stance on the theistic claim.

No need to rush into anything with your mother. Just be yourself. Once you are comfortable with yourself, you can tell your mother. De-converting is not easy.
Who knew that 4(5?) little words can cause so much trouble?

"I don't believe you".

Enjoy your say here. There is a lot of information located in stickies throughout the forums.
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12-08-2016, 09:59 PM
RE: Should I tell my Mother I am Agnostic?
Or are you xD haha.


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