Should the wife submit?
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18-11-2013, 11:12 AM
RE: Should the wife submit?
(18-11-2013 10:24 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  
(18-11-2013 10:19 AM)Dom Wrote:  The point of getting married, IMO, is to pool resources and have a better life because as a team you can support each other's endeavors.

Pooling resources includes brains.

And this means marriage why?

I could create a joint bank account with whoever I wanted (as long as they agreed obviously). Nothing stopping me moving in with whoever either.

You don't need to get married to pool resources.

The reason people get married is because they think it's the right thing to do.
They think that for people to take their relationship serious you need to be married. Society says to do so, so they do.

It's not about sharing bank accounts - actually hubby and I each had our own plus a joint one for household expenses.

It's about sharing life.

That means being there for each other for instance when one is in the hospital - something you cannot do if you are not married.

Whether marriage is needed for love is not the issue. It is a symbol, plus it has many legal advantages, tax wise, estate wise and in many other small things.

I didn't marry everyone I chose to cohabit with. But I did marry who I wanted to share my life with. A life partner.

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18-11-2013, 11:14 AM
RE: Should the wife submit?
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18-11-2013, 11:17 AM
RE: Should the wife submit?
I've been hugely affected by these biblical ideas, effectively becoming a baby machine and domestic slave for much of my marriage.
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18-11-2013, 11:24 AM (This post was last modified: 18-11-2013 11:43 AM by Elesjei.)
RE: Should the wife submit?
(18-11-2013 11:10 AM)morondog Wrote:  
(18-11-2013 11:02 AM)theophilus Wrote:  he would have no right to demand complete obedience.

He has no right to *demand* anything. Period. No matter what his actions may be.

^This. In a marriage, spouses should be equal partners. Obedience means one spouse is superior to the other, and that should not be acceptable. You can demand obedience from your dog, but not your wife.

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18-11-2013, 11:38 AM
RE: Should the wife submit?
(18-11-2013 10:55 AM)cjlr Wrote:  
(18-11-2013 10:24 AM)earmuffs Wrote:  The reason people get married is because they think it's the right thing to do.
They think that for people to take their relationship serious you need to be married. Society says to do so, so they do.

No, there're... quite a few legal advantages conferred.

I agree that there are lots of people who don't do it for good reasons, but there are plenty of reasons.

Certainly legal advantages are one reason, but that's certainly not why the majority do it. I mean if the masses used it primarily for legal reasons than they wouldn't be spending thousands for 1 day to celebrate it.

The point is not that marriage has certain advantages and disadvantages, (because everything marriage has to offer can be done without marriage btw.) the point is purpose. Why do people get married?

They get married because it's part of the brand. It's like the 1.25 kids is part of the brand. The 9-5. The 4 door sedan. People do these things because they want too sure, but there's a lot of pressure from society for people to be this way to begin with. Even as little kids, we're raised in a certain way that this is almost expected of us. It makes you wonder how much people actually do want to do these things and how much of it is people doing it because they think it's the right thing to do, because it's what's expected of them.

I dunno, it's just part of a theory I have about "normal" people. I'm probably talking out my ass but I like to think it's coming from an impartial viewer sitting on the outside looking in.

Quote:It's about sharing life.

Which you can do without marriage..
I can go water skiing with someone regardless of marriage status.

Quote:That means being there for each other for instance when one is in the hospital - something you cannot do if you are not married.

Sure you can.

Quote:Whether marriage is needed for love is not the issue. It is a symbol, plus it has many legal advantages, tax wise, estate wise and in many other small things.

It's a shit symbol. It has a horrible history which you can google.
And why do you need to symbolize your love to someone?
Does not getting married mean you love each other less? Do the love chemicals in your brain not flow as strongly?
Those legal advantages can be achieved without marriage. Marriage is the easiest way yes, but it doesn't have to be. It also several legal disadvantages. ie: courts tend to favor the women in a divorce.
Not to mention I'm sure the number 1 reason for getting married for you wasn't "because it was legally convenient".

Quote:I didn't marry everyone I chose to cohabit with. But I did marry who I wanted to share my life with. A life partner.

A life partner that could still be your life partner without marriage.

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18-11-2013, 11:40 AM
RE: Should the wife submit?
I attended a wedding like this, and it went into mega detail. The pastor said that on *some* nights wife might be tired though, and if you could possibly help scrub the pot from the roast then that would be a nice thing to do, although it would be the exception. However, after husband comes home from a long day at work (she works too BTW) that he might not feel like seeing her and might want to go play his guitar or video games.

The little speech was 17 minutes long (I watched my wristwatch). It was ALL about duties, mostly about the kitchen, but some other household stuff (???), and some touched on other friends (husband should be able to get out with his buddies, wife should be allowed to go to her ladies night church group, etc).
WTF?

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, because obviously I knew these people.

Such simple explanations for what it takes to make a marriage, or any relationship, work. Good grief.
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18-11-2013, 11:41 AM
RE: Should the wife submit?
(18-11-2013 11:17 AM)Eruvande Wrote:  I've been hugely affected by these biblical ideas, effectively becoming a baby machine and domestic slave for much of my marriage.

That's crappy...hope things are better now.

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18-11-2013, 11:47 AM
RE: Should the wife submit?
I like that my wife can say no to me. Means I have to earn the "yes".
If she does something for me, its not because she has to.

I know some couples, where the man works and the woman has chosen to look after the sprogs, some of those couples, the man controls the money and with that he controls the woman. I haven't seen that arrangement be a happy one.
Me and the wife have a joint account. We are a team.
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18-11-2013, 11:53 AM
RE: Should the wife submit?
(18-11-2013 11:41 AM)Anjele Wrote:  
(18-11-2013 11:17 AM)Eruvande Wrote:  I've been hugely affected by these biblical ideas, effectively becoming a baby machine and domestic slave for much of my marriage.

That's crappy...hope things are better now.

Not really. Factor in a belief that contraception is evil and it's all pretty shitty. Thankfully I've stopped having children now, but he still struggles with the fact that I am not perfect little wifey any longer and will not submit.
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18-11-2013, 11:54 AM
RE: Should the wife submit?
(18-11-2013 11:24 AM)Elesjei Wrote:  ^This. In a marriage, spouses should be equal partners. Obedience means one spouse is superior to the other, and that should not be acceptable. You can demand obedience from your dog, but not your wife.
God established marriage as a relationship in which the partners are equal but each has different responsibilities toward the other. The Bible never says the husband has the right to demand obedience from his wife but she has a obligation to give it. The husband is equally obligated to love his wife and to sacrifice himself for her welfare.

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