Sibling issues, feeling really down :(
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06-07-2016, 03:57 PM
Sibling issues, feeling really down :(
Every time I speak with my sister I feel as if I am such a failure and disappointment. She tell me that my life decisions are so arrogant and that I am very ungrateful. I feel as a burden and as a terrible person. Whenever I speak with her, I just want my life to end. I get to think that I would like just to be blown out of existence, but suicide is painful (or that I guess) so I would not take that route. She states that I am a selfish man, that is running over his family (parents and her family), and that I am so away form God, and that one day I will harvest what I have seeded. All this because I do not want to live in a house that was given to me by my dad (and for which I am grateful, really, but I do not want to live there), and because I have slipped away from faith and I date and will marry a girl that she does not approve at all. There is much more to this story, but I can not put it all here.
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06-07-2016, 04:20 PM
RE: Sibling issues, feeling really down :(
I'm so sorry your sister is treating you like that. I would suggest talking to her about her treatment of you, how it's making you feel and that it is potentially severing your rship. If she doesn't change, you may have to minimize contact with her.

Suicide is never the answer. Things can and do get better, particularly if you seek professional help.

Hugs to you. And there's always someone to vent to on here if you need it Smile
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06-07-2016, 04:29 PM
RE: Sibling issues, feeling really down :(
(06-07-2016 04:20 PM)jennybee Wrote:  I'm so sorry your sister is treating you like that. I would suggest talking to her about her treatment of you, how it's making you feel and that it is potentially severing your rship. If she doesn't change, you may have to minimize contact with her.

Suicide is never the answer. Things can and do get better, particularly if you seek professional help.

Hugs to you. And there's always someone to vent to on here if you need it Smile

Thank you. I have almost given up on talking things with her. It is painful, since I love her. I understand her concern as a religious person that believes in godly justice and damnation, I once was a guy like that. But I feel it is impossible to talk things through without her blaming it on my (lack of) faith. It hurts, I love my nephew, but at the same time I am scared of my sis, and I know that if she finds out that I am scared of her, that would break her heart... and I do not want to hurt her. It's so weird I know, I love her, for all the good times and support we have shared as siblings, but now I feel so scared of just talking to her. I wonder what will happen when I get married, since my girl is also afraid of her, since she is really hard on her judgements Sad , I do not want to lose my sis and my nephew and niece... but I guess my relationship and my health is more important. I just do not know what to do. She feels I am arrogant and will not listen, just because I will not do as she says, and it breaks my heart hearing that I am hurting the family... Sad
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06-07-2016, 05:01 PM
RE: Sibling issues, feeling really down :(
It sounds to me like your sister is the arrogant one. She is passing judgement on you as though she were a god...that's pretty arrogant.

It might be time to just take a bit of a break. Things said in anger or other emotional state can't be unsaid. Let the dust settle little. My sister and I didn't communicate for a few years due to drama and lies by our mother. After a time, and when dad was quite sick, I asked her to meet me in NC to visit him. His biggest wish was that the three of us kids would mend our relationships with one another.

It's a shame that it took dad's illness to get us back in touch with each other but it still took one of us extending that olive branch and the other one accepting it.

Take a breath and do what's best for you.

I can't imagine being scared of one of my siblings. We aren't close but there's no fear involved.

And - your sister doesn't have to 'approve' of your girlfriend...that concept alone is arrogant.

Good luck, I hope you can find peace.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat

Are my Chakras on straight?
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06-07-2016, 05:07 PM
RE: Sibling issues, feeling really down :(
(06-07-2016 05:01 PM)Anjele Wrote:  It sounds to me like your sister is the arrogant one. She is passing judgement on you as though she were a god...that's pretty arrogant.

It might be time to just take a bit of a break. Things said in anger or other emotional state can't be unsaid. Let the dust settle little. My sister and I didn't communicate for a few years due to drama and lies by our mother. After a time, and when dad was quite sick, I asked her to meet me in NC to visit him. His biggest wish was that the three of us kids would mend our relationships with one another.

It's a shame that it took dad's illness to get us back in touch with each other but it still took one of us extending that olive branch and the other one accepting it.

Take a breath and do what's best for you.

I can't imagine being scared of one of my siblings. We aren't close but there's no fear involved.

And - your sister doesn't have to 'approve' of your girlfriend...that concept alone is arrogant.

Good luck, I hope you can find peace.

Thank you, it is comforting to know that there is someone listening. I hope things with my sis get better soon.
Thank you for your words and for lending your eyes ti read this thread.
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06-07-2016, 05:19 PM
RE: Sibling issues, feeling really down :(
I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Is your sister this negative and judgmental with all of the adults in her life, or does she treat you worse because you're family? If she's judgmental with everybody, then I would try to shrug it off, keep the conversations light, and leave the room when she's too much to bear.

But if she's treating you more harshly than she does others, I think it might be appropriate to remind her that both of you are adults at this point, and you want to be given the same kind of respect and kindness that you show her (assuming that you do). Also, you might gently tell her, maybe in a note, that you have heard her concerns and she doesn't need to keep raising them--that her raising them is driving you farther away.

(And if your sister treats your girlfriend badly to the point of your girlfriend being scared of your sister, you should tell her that that behavior won't be tolerated--basic manners still apply no matter what someone's religious status.)
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06-07-2016, 05:33 PM
RE: Sibling issues, feeling really down :(
(06-07-2016 05:19 PM)julep Wrote:  I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Is your sister this negative and judgmental with all of the adults in her life, or does she treat you worse because you're family? If she's judgmental with everybody, then I would try to shrug it off, keep the conversations light, and leave the room when she's too much to bear.

But if she's treating you more harshly than she does others, I think it might be appropriate to remind her that both of you are adults at this point, and you want to be given the same kind of respect and kindness that you show her (assuming that you do). Also, you might gently tell her, maybe in a note, that you have heard her concerns and she doesn't need to keep raising them--that her raising them is driving you farther away.

(And if your sister treats your girlfriend badly to the point of your girlfriend being scared of your sister, you should tell her that that behavior won't be tolerated--basic manners still apply no matter what someone's religious status.)

Well, she, as all human beings (or that I believe) has her very good side. She can be tolerant at some extent, but if something or someone trespasses what that she thinks goes against God, then she can be harsh. I think that she speaks in this manner to me, as if I am a disappointment, a prodigal son, because I once was on the track of becoming a missionary, but then I started to question my faith and things started to go south from there, along with some other variables that really complicated everything. I would like her and everyone involved (family, girlfriend, and myself) to just hit a reset button on the emotions part... and I know I can do that, I've done it, but I guess it is not as easy for everyone. :/
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06-07-2016, 09:36 PM
RE: Sibling issues, feeling really down :(
It's not your fault. She has no right to treat you that way.

This seems fitting given the situation and it helped me in the past.




"If we are honest—and scientists have to be—we must admit that religion is a jumble of false assertions, with no basis in reality.
The very idea of God is a product of the human imagination."
- Paul Dirac
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07-07-2016, 09:43 AM
RE: Sibling issues, feeling really down :(
(06-07-2016 09:36 PM)The Organic Chemist Wrote:  It's not your fault. She has no right to treat you that way.

This seems fitting given the situation and it helped me in the past.




Wow, thanks, I loved it.
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07-07-2016, 09:49 AM
RE: Sibling issues, feeling really down :(
Your sister needs to hear those magic words, "go fuck yourself, sis."

If that does not reset your relationship to something approaching equality then you are better off without that domineering bitch.

Atheism is NOT a Religion. It's A Personal Relationship With Reality!
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