Small things that make you frown
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11-01-2015, 11:17 AM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(11-01-2015 11:00 AM)Smercury44 Wrote:  Got a friend request from a very old friend from elementary/middle school. She moved away before high school, and I always figured it was for the best. She was headed down a very dark path. Sure enough, look through her page... In and out of prison, pictures of her brother drunk and puking. A story about how she was high and drunk one day, was taking a shit and wiped her ass on someone's tshirt. Quotes on her page about snitches go in ditches or something. Ranting about her dad sending her back to prison because she wouldn't give him money. Tattoo of the praying hands in handcuffs. Pictures of her in lingerie.

Ugh.... She is sending me private messages too that I'm sure fb tells her I've seen Facepalm I'm damn near 30, I don't need people like this in my life. Am I an awful person for wanting to avoid her at all costs? This girl is crazy with more than a temper problem.... I so do not want to deal with this.

I wouldn't presume to tell you right from wrong, but here's my thinking: you probably have your work cut out looking out for those your love, so focus your efforts there and for those people you have to work/deal with.

I personally don't think it wrong to recognise (a) someone as toxic, (b) requiring strong intervention that © would need to be propelled by an unditional love that (d) you probably don't have for her.

Anyways, maybe she's used up all of her other friends....

"I don't mind being wrong...it's a time I get to learn something new..."
Me.
N.B: I routinely make edits to posts to correct grammar or spelling, or to restate a point more clearly. I only notify edits if they materially change meaning.
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11-01-2015, 11:20 AM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(11-01-2015 11:12 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  
(11-01-2015 11:07 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Small thing? Don't think so.

It's not easy to empathise and very easy to de-humanise (perhaps I'm speaking for myself here, I dunno).

Perhaps it's worth trying to seeing them as victims of the memetic virus called 'Faith'.

Hug

Thanks, DLJ. I will try that. Hug

I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian home and a lot of folks around here are fundamentalist Baptists. The crazy really gets to me at times. Hobo

DLJ really hit the nail on the head: after all, in every fundie, there's a pure born atheist.

I went through a "militant atheist" phase, but for me, that was more of an expression of the disgust at the realisation of how much evil has beenn wrought for no good purpose. I'm guessing it might take longer for someone who personally suffered a lot: I can't say I did.

"I don't mind being wrong...it's a time I get to learn something new..."
Me.
N.B: I routinely make edits to posts to correct grammar or spelling, or to restate a point more clearly. I only notify edits if they materially change meaning.
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11-01-2015, 11:31 AM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(11-01-2015 11:17 AM)gofish! Wrote:  
(11-01-2015 11:00 AM)Smercury44 Wrote:  Got a friend request from a very old friend from elementary/middle school. She moved away before high school, and I always figured it was for the best. She was headed down a very dark path. Sure enough, look through her page... In and out of prison, pictures of her brother drunk and puking. A story about how she was high and drunk one day, was taking a shit and wiped her ass on someone's tshirt. Quotes on her page about snitches go in ditches or something. Ranting about her dad sending her back to prison because she wouldn't give him money. Tattoo of the praying hands in handcuffs. Pictures of her in lingerie.

Ugh.... She is sending me private messages too that I'm sure fb tells her I've seen Facepalm I'm damn near 30, I don't need people like this in my life. Am I an awful person for wanting to avoid her at all costs? This girl is crazy with more than a temper problem.... I so do not want to deal with this.

I wouldn't presume to tell you right from wrong, but here's my thinking: you probably have your work cut out looking out for those your love, so focus your efforts there and for those people you have to work/deal with.

I personally don't think it wrong to recognise (a) someone as toxic, (b) requiring strong intervention that © would need to be propelled by an unditional love that (d) you probably don't have for her.

Anyways, maybe she's used up all of her other friends....

You're right. Pretty much all of my friends growing up were like her for some reason. I recognized after high school that I wanted certain things in life, and that the people I hung around with would only prevent that. Lots of drama, lots of run ins with the law and really bad drugs. I've worked really hard, and have hurt a lot of my former friends by removing them from my life. I guess.... I just don't want to have to do it again. I just feel like shit for it every time. She's had a really bad life, and didn't have much of a chance at anything good with the parents she had. I wish I could help, but I cant Undecided I have to harden my heart... And I don't like doing that.

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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11-01-2015, 11:33 AM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(11-01-2015 11:07 AM)DLJ Wrote:  
(11-01-2015 12:49 AM)Escape Artist Wrote:  I fear I'm becoming more and more of an anti-theist. Which, that's probably not even the right word, so let me try to elaborate without getting too terribly wordy:

I find myself not just pitying or empathizing with theists, but almost loathing them at times. My parents bring up an issue with my children that they are concerned about and I want to snap back with "Why don't you just ask your precious god to fix it???"

Someone with a casual belief in God goes through a tragedy of some sort and I can, with damn near 100% certainty, accurately predict their next step - to start chugging down the Jesus juice with vigor. Something bad happens and oh, it was God chastising them so now they gotta shape up and it just makes me sick.

Folks talk about praying for someone or how "oh we need to pray for them" and my mind categorizes them as "idiot" and not worthy of my time. In fact, if/when (and it's usually *when* in this fucking backwater state) I find out someone is religious, I lose all interest in having much of anything to do with them.

How is this right? Or fair? It's certainly hypocritical - I myself drank the religious kool-aid for a long time. For most of my life if we're being completely forthcoming here. So how can I sit here and think of these people as idiotic and unworthy of my time? I was one of those idiots once. And people like Seth from TTA and Matt from The Atheist Experience did their stuff to reach idiots like me. Because they believed people like me *could* be reached.

I feel I'm doing a disservice to myself, to other atheists, and to theists by having these attitudes. I just am not sure what to do about it. I am still carrying a lot of old wounds and scars from this crap. And maybe this anger is just part of the healing process. But for now, it kind of makes me feel like a jerk. Undecided

Small thing? Don't think so.

It's not easy to empathise and very easy to de-humanise (perhaps I'm speaking for myself here, I dunno).

Perhaps it's worth trying to seeing them as victims of the memetic virus called 'Faith'.

Hug

Yep, as always DLJ is very wise. I get that way too a lot EA. Every time I see religious stuff from people I know... I immediately go to negative thoughts. It does help if I stop and think "they are just people like me, doing the best they can." It's hard to realize that what you've been told your whole life may not actually be the way things are.

I hope that the world turns, and things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you. - V for Vendetta
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11-01-2015, 12:46 PM (This post was last modified: 11-01-2015 01:18 PM by gofish!.)
RE: Small things that make you frown
(11-01-2015 11:31 AM)Smercury44 Wrote:  
(11-01-2015 11:17 AM)gofish! Wrote:  I wouldn't presume to tell you right from wrong, but here's my thinking: you probably have your work cut out looking out for those your love, so focus your efforts there and for those people you have to work/deal with.

I personally don't think it wrong to recognise (a) someone as toxic, (b) requiring strong intervention that © would need to be propelled by an unditional love that (d) you probably don't have for her.

Anyways, maybe she's used up all of her other friends....

You're right. Pretty much all of my friends growing up were like her for some reason. I recognized after high school that I wanted certain things in life, and that the people I hung around with would only prevent that. Lots of drama, lots of run ins with the law and really bad drugs. I've worked really hard, and have hurt a lot of my former friends by removing them from my life. I guess.... I just don't want to have to do it again. I just feel like shit for it every time. She's had a really bad life, and didn't have much of a chance at anything good with the parents she had. I wish I could help, but I cant Undecided I have to harden my heart... And I don't like doing that.

This is not about hardening your heart! It is about realising you can only do so much without damaging yourself. And that you should not take responsibility for everyone else's lives, or otherwise beat yourself up about the limits to which you can address other's lives.

As they say on the flight safety briefings, "always attach your oxygen mask before helping others".

"I don't mind being wrong...it's a time I get to learn something new..."
Me.
N.B: I routinely make edits to posts to correct grammar or spelling, or to restate a point more clearly. I only notify edits if they materially change meaning.
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11-01-2015, 01:03 PM
RE: Small things that make you frown
Finding out a movie you like has religious undertones.

Popcorn I put more thought into fiction than theists put into reality.
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11-01-2015, 01:16 PM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(11-01-2015 11:31 AM)Smercury44 Wrote:  
(11-01-2015 11:17 AM)gofish! Wrote:  I wouldn't presume to tell you right from wrong, but here's my thinking: you probably have your work cut out looking out for those your love, so focus your efforts there and for those people you have to work/deal with.

I personally don't think it wrong to recognise (a) someone as toxic, (b) requiring strong intervention that © would need to be propelled by an unditional love that (d) you probably don't have for her.

Anyways, maybe she's used up all of her other friends....

You're right. Pretty much all of my friends growing up were like her for some reason. I recognized after high school that I wanted certain things in life, and that the people I hung around with would only prevent that. Lots of drama, lots of run ins with the law and really bad drugs. I've worked really hard, and have hurt a lot of my former friends by removing them from my life. I guess.... I just don't want to have to do it again. I just feel like shit for it every time. She's had a really bad life, and didn't have much of a chance at anything good with the parents she had. I wish I could help, but I cant Undecided I have to harden my heart... And I don't like doing that.

I had a similar problem with an old partying buddy years ago.
We hadn't hung out in years and he had moved back to town and wanted to get together and hang out. Every time the two of us hung out in the past, bad things happened.
He had a young son and my daughter was about the same age (about 3) at the time and he wanted to have "play time" with the two of them.
I didn't want aything to do with him because I knew he was trouble, so I ended up just telling him it wasn't going to happen because of our past and his highly excessive drnking and drug use.
It would have been bad for me and horrible for my family.
This is not hardening your heart, it's being sensible.
Don't let her make you feel guilty for not being like her.
People like that are very good at manipulating others for their own gain. Heart Hug
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11-01-2015, 01:19 PM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(11-01-2015 01:03 PM)CleverUsername Wrote:  Finding out a movie you like has religious undertones.

Exodus: Gods and Kings?

Who knew?

Big Grin

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11-01-2015, 01:23 PM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(11-01-2015 01:19 PM)DLJ Wrote:  
(11-01-2015 01:03 PM)CleverUsername Wrote:  Finding out a movie you like has religious undertones.

Exodus: Gods and Kings?

Who knew?

Big Grin

Don't be silly, no one likes that movie. Rolleyes

Popcorn I put more thought into fiction than theists put into reality.
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11-01-2015, 06:58 PM
RE: Small things that make you frown
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