Small things that make you frown
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01-02-2017, 12:33 PM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(01-02-2017 12:24 PM)Heath_Tierney Wrote:  
(01-02-2017 12:07 PM)Loom Wrote:  So I was digging through some old journals I had when I was a little kid...and I came across my old Sunday School workbook.

I started crying, because on one page, there was a section where I had to fill in the blanks with my name saying I had sinned, I didn't deserve love or forgiveness, I deserved eternal torment, I was a wretched, demonic creature. But god was so kind to forgive me, a 5 year old little girl, for being the monster I never had a choice to be.

What a horrid thing to teach a child. No wonder I have anxiety.

Reason #723 why religious indoctrination of children is nothing short of child abuse.

I hear what you are saying and in many cases it is. However, not every religion is cult motivated and rules by fear.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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01-02-2017, 12:34 PM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(01-02-2017 12:27 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(01-02-2017 12:07 PM)Loom Wrote:  So I was digging through some old journals I had when I was a little kid...and I came across my old Sunday School workbook.

I started crying, because on one page, there was a section where I had to fill in the blanks with my name saying I had sinned, I didn't deserve love or forgiveness, I deserved eternal torment, I was a wretched, demonic creature. But god was so kind to forgive me, a 5 year old little girl, for being the monster I never had a choice to be.

What a horrid thing to teach a child. No wonder I have anxiety.

I had similar teachings which gave me so much anxiety as a Christian. I was raised Catholic though and my first introduction to the church--around 6 years old-- was at a happening before Easter. A man stood up and read from the Bible about how God killed all the first born in Egypt and people smeared blood on their doors to avoid him killing them by mistake. I went home crying to my mother, fearful that God was going to come and kill me since I was the first born in my family. I had nightmares after that for a long time and viewed God as a monster and not as a loving being for many years after that. I am sorry you went through this.

I'm sorry you did too Sad

I'm sorry anyone has. It's just sickening.

Ignorance is not to be ignored.

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01-02-2017, 12:40 PM (This post was last modified: 01-02-2017 03:06 PM by jennybee.)
RE: Small things that make you frown
(01-02-2017 12:34 PM)Loom Wrote:  
(01-02-2017 12:27 PM)jennybee Wrote:  I had similar teachings which gave me so much anxiety as a Christian. I was raised Catholic though and my first introduction to the church--around 6 years old-- was at a happening before Easter. A man stood up and read from the Bible about how God killed all the first born in Egypt and people smeared blood on their doors to avoid him killing them by mistake. I went home crying to my mother, fearful that God was going to come and kill me since I was the first born in my family. I had nightmares after that for a long time and viewed God as a monster and not as a loving being for many years after that. I am sorry you went through this.

I'm sorry you did too Sad

I'm sorry anyone has. It's just sickening.

It is, but we got out Hug Some people never get that.

I know you had mentioned you still have anxiety and it is from past religious treatment/teachings. What parts are still bothering you, if you don't mind my asking? If you don't want to talk about it, no worries Smile

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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01-02-2017, 12:57 PM (This post was last modified: 01-02-2017 01:04 PM by Loom.)
RE: Small things that make you frown
(01-02-2017 12:40 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(01-02-2017 12:34 PM)Loom Wrote:  I'm sorry you did too Sad

I'm sorry anyone has. It's just sickening.

It is, but we got Hug Some people never get that.

I know you had mentioned you still have anxiety and it is from past religious treatment/teachings. What parts are still bothering you, if you don't mind my asking? If you don't want to talk about it, no worries Smile

The thing that wound up bothering me the most was the promise of immortality and coming to the rather abrupt realization, as I started questioning things, of what my mortality really meant. Death scared me. A lot. And I already had horrid self-esteem and confidence because of teachings such as what I mentioned. I think it all built up until I effectively had a mental breakdown at age 16.

My anxiety has more or less morphed into a fear of the anxiety itself now, oblivion no longer scares me, but 'dying' still doesn't seem very pleasant Tongue

My therapist suspects I have PTSD thanks to all this, hence it keeps rearing its ugly little head.

Ignorance is not to be ignored.

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01-02-2017, 01:19 PM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(01-02-2017 12:57 PM)Loom Wrote:  
(01-02-2017 12:40 PM)jennybee Wrote:  It is, but we got Hug Some people never get that.

I know you had mentioned you still have anxiety and it is from past religious treatment/teachings. What parts are still bothering you, if you don't mind my asking? If you don't want to talk about it, no worries Smile

The thing that wound up bothering me the most was the promise of immortality and coming to the rather abrupt realization as I started questioning things of what my mortality really meant. Death scared me. A lot. And I already had horrid self-esteem and confidence because of teachings such as what I mentioned. I think it all built up until I effectively had a mental breakdown at age 16.

My anxiety has more or less morphed into a fear of the anxiety itself now, oblivion no longer scares me, but 'dying' still doesn't seem very pleasant Tongue

My therapist suspects I have PTSD thanks to all this, hence it keeps rearing its ugly little head.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. I wish I could say that I didn't understand religious anxiety, but I do. Mine was bad as a christian. I thought everything I was doing was not perfect enough for God. I had to do better, be better, If I had needs, wants, desires that went against God, I would feel awful if I gave into them.

Now as an atheist, all that religious anxiety luckily has been kicked out the door. I know that's not how it works for everyone though because conditioning can run pretty deep.

For me yoga, meditation, and breathing techniques really help me just with anxiety in general. It also helped relax me when I was transitioning to atheism. In the beginning of my journey, I felt like I was going against God by reading scholarly books that went against what I was taught and that God was somehow warming an extra place in hell for me Facepalm I would get pretty bad anxiety attacks, but thankfully through yoga, it really helped calm all of that so I could process things more clearly instead of in an anxiety-induced state.

I understand not everyone is interested in yoga, but for me, it was life changing. Ironic that it was one of the many things my church did not want me to be doing. Dodgy

Hugs to you and I'm sorry your religion impacted you like that. You are such a talented person and worthy of only good things and a happy life.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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01-02-2017, 01:25 PM
RE: Small things that make you frown

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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01-02-2017, 01:31 PM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(01-02-2017 01:19 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(01-02-2017 12:57 PM)Loom Wrote:  The thing that wound up bothering me the most was the promise of immortality and coming to the rather abrupt realization as I started questioning things of what my mortality really meant. Death scared me. A lot. And I already had horrid self-esteem and confidence because of teachings such as what I mentioned. I think it all built up until I effectively had a mental breakdown at age 16.

My anxiety has more or less morphed into a fear of the anxiety itself now, oblivion no longer scares me, but 'dying' still doesn't seem very pleasant Tongue

My therapist suspects I have PTSD thanks to all this, hence it keeps rearing its ugly little head.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. I wish I could say that I didn't understand religious anxiety, but I do. Mine was bad as a christian. I thought everything I was doing was not perfect enough for God. I had to do better, be better, If I had needs, wants, desires that went against God, I would feel awful if I gave into them.

Now as an atheist, all that religious anxiety luckily has been kicked out the door. I know that's not how it works for everyone though because conditioning can run pretty deep.

For me yoga, meditation, and breathing techniques really help me just with anxiety in general. It also helped relax me when I was transitioning to atheism. In the beginning of my journey, I felt like I was going against God by reading scholarly books that went against what I was taught and that God was somehow warming an extra place in hell for me Facepalm I would get pretty bad anxiety attacks, but thankfully through yoga, it really helped calm all of that so I could process things more clearly instead of in an anxiety-induced state.

I understand not everyone is interested in yoga, but for me, it was life changing. Ironic that it was one of the many things my church did not want me to be doing. Dodgy

Hugs to you and I'm sorry your religion impacted you like that. You are such a talented person and worthy of only good things and a happy life.

I'm eyeballing a yoga course at my local gym Smile

Thanks for your kind words. Hug

Ignorance is not to be ignored.

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01-02-2017, 02:37 PM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(01-02-2017 12:27 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(01-02-2017 12:07 PM)Loom Wrote:  So I was digging through some old journals I had when I was a little kid...and I came across my old Sunday School workbook.

I started crying, because on one page, there was a section where I had to fill in the blanks with my name saying I had sinned, I didn't deserve love or forgiveness, I deserved eternal torment, I was a wretched, demonic creature. But god was so kind to forgive me, a 5 year old little girl, for being the monster I never had a choice to be.

What a horrid thing to teach a child. No wonder I have anxiety.

I had similar teachings which gave me so much anxiety as a Christian. I was raised Catholic though and my first introduction to the church--around 6 years old-- was at a happening before Easter. A man stood up and read from the Bible about how God killed all the first born in Egypt and people smeared blood on their doors to avoid him killing them by mistake. I went home crying to my mother, fearful that God was going to come and kill me since I was the first born in my family. I had nightmares after that for a long time and viewed God as a monster and not as a loving being for many years after that. I am sorry you went through this.

Hug for the both of you. Reading the Bible through in a year right now, and never realized God actually did (post-Passover) require Israel for a time to sacrifice their firstborn after leaving Egypt. Would have to check in July when I'm home again, but don't think I had a similar experience to those. Sad Though I can remember being traumatized at about age 6 or so by a Sunday School teacher as a Baptist. They took our Bibles from us and declared that the government had made Christianity illegal, and we had to write out as much as we could remember off the top of our heads to preserve it. So you had all these kids working feverishly, then they were like, "but you don't have chapter and verse" and by the time several people were crying, they were like, "This is just to show you how important it is to memorize God's Word, you never know when it will be taken away. This actually happens in some countries!" Hadn't thought of it for years until you two posted those posts, but it still hits at my feelings of Biblical inadequacy today, even though I have a better generalized idea of things and where they are than the folks in that Sunday School who memorized a few dozen verses and their associated numbering.

Need to think of a witty signature.
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01-02-2017, 02:41 PM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(01-02-2017 01:25 PM)Revenant77x Wrote:  

This is the wrong small things thread oops.

(31-07-2014 04:37 PM)Luminon Wrote:  America is full of guns, but they're useless, because nobody has the courage to shoot an IRS agent in self-defense
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01-02-2017, 03:04 PM
RE: Small things that make you frown
(01-02-2017 02:37 PM)Shai Hulud Wrote:  
(01-02-2017 12:27 PM)jennybee Wrote:  I had similar teachings which gave me so much anxiety as a Christian. I was raised Catholic though and my first introduction to the church--around 6 years old-- was at a happening before Easter. A man stood up and read from the Bible about how God killed all the first born in Egypt and people smeared blood on their doors to avoid him killing them by mistake. I went home crying to my mother, fearful that God was going to come and kill me since I was the first born in my family. I had nightmares after that for a long time and viewed God as a monster and not as a loving being for many years after that. I am sorry you went through this.

Hug for the both of you. Reading the Bible through in a year right now, and never realized God actually did (post-Passover) require Israel for a time to sacrifice their firstborn after leaving Egypt. Would have to check in July when I'm home again, but don't think I had a similar experience to those. Sad Though I can remember being traumatized at about age 6 or so by a Sunday School teacher as a Baptist. They took our Bibles from us and declared that the government had made Christianity illegal, and we had to write out as much as we could remember off the top of our heads to preserve it. So you had all these kids working feverishly, then they were like, "but you don't have chapter and verse" and by the time several people were crying, they were like, "This is just to show you how important it is to memorize God's Word, you never know when it will be taken away. This actually happens in some countries!" Hadn't thought of it for years until you two posted those posts, but it still hits at my feelings of Biblical inadequacy today, even though I have a better generalized idea of things and where they are than the folks in that Sunday School who memorized a few dozen verses and their associated numbering.

I think if religion makes you happy and you aren't hurting anyone as a result of your beliefs--I say more power to you. I think the minute it causes you distress, fear, pain, guilt, etc, it's time to reassess things.

"Let the waters settle and you will see the moon and stars mirrored in your own being." -Rumi
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