Smotherlove (17yr old drug addicted son)
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26-06-2012, 11:22 AM
RE: Smotherlove (17yr old drug addicted son)
(25-06-2012 02:23 PM)morondog Wrote:  Sad I hope it works out. You're a great mum. Caring for your kid like that... it's not surprising that there's times when it seems really bleak. But... because you are doing this, he will still have that great life. That is a precious gift. I salute you Smile


Thanks for the sweet words

Heart Be good for goodness sake!
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26-06-2012, 12:06 PM (This post was last modified: 26-06-2012 12:12 PM by kim.)
RE: Smotherlove (17yr old drug addicted son)
(26-06-2012 09:56 AM)beeluv Wrote:  
(25-06-2012 12:44 PM)N.E.OhioAtheist Wrote:  I have never said this over the T A to everyone. I was a addict on Heroin myself. I was 17 years old and hooked hard. It took years off my life till i turned 21. I had a very good friend I call my brother who was a Hells Angel. He made me clean up the hard way ( cold turkey) . He put me down in a basement with a bucket to vomit in, their was a shower and cot and toilet. When I shit myself he helped me clean up. I had 2 babies at the time. If i would have came out of the basement he would kill me. He saved my life. He saved my children's life too. At that point I knew I could never use again. You can make it if your mind is right. Once you put your mind right and set your head strait you can do it. You cant be around ANY of your so called old friends. They will fall off very fast as soon as they see you will NOT get high again. I was friends with the biker till the day he died. It ripped my heart out when he passed away. He was one of my best friends I ever had. He was one of the smartest people I ever knew too. I think he must have had a 140 IQ. You should never judge a book by it's cover.

Now I have a 30 year old son doing the same thing and I have tried many times. After so many times you must either fish or cut bait. You need to make that clear to your son. If he thinks you will always take him back no matter how out of control he gets nothing will change. My heart goes out to you and I only hope he see's his road will lead to death. When I was using I knew it but didn't have the help to change till my friend made me do it. You must have been trying and gave him rehab to help him. Don't give up so quick. I gave my son so many chances because relapse can happen when they don't get on the same page. He is very young and needs all the help you can give him. It took me till my son was 30 to give up.



Ohio, thanks so much for sharing. I can’t imagine how painful it is to watch your child struggle with the same disease. I wish they could learn from our mistakes, but apparently the only way for a person to grow is through their own missteps. However, I wouldn’t mind learning from parents who have been there and bought the t-shirt.

I wish noone belonged to this sh!tty club.

At this point I will not give up on him, and will continue to help him in recovery. Relapse scares the shite out of me, but I know the probability is very high. If(when) it happens, my husband and I will be momentarily heart broken, but then we’ll make like the itsy-bitsy spider and go up the spout again to another detox and rehab. He is hanging out with some friends that he had before he began consorting with the fiends. These are the “tween” buddies that he met after the baseball friends and before the shooting gallerists. Unfortunately, he has no interest in playing baseball again, nor will he quit smoking cigarettes. I sort of understand. In some weird way it reminds me of the saying, “you can never go home again”. He feels too different to return to the old normal.

Reading your post made me think that the hardest thing for any parent to do is to separate themselves from their child, no matter what age they are. I imagine that you not only did it for his sake but your own. It must have been a very long, painful and frightening road to reach this point. I hope I have the maturity and grit to do the same if my boy does not truly change.
Beeluv, I can only tell you that Ohio is right... more right than any of us may ever know. His friend saved his life. Ohio tried to save his own son's life, until he realized it was his own son's responsibility to do so. He was right.

I can only tell you the other side of that story... the other side of the story for any junky and someone who loves him or her.

I had a friend named Mark. He was an exceptional person; talented, inquisitive, happy and he loved life. He is dead. And that's really all he is to anyone, now. Between who he was and what he is now, I experienced Mark as a friend; a responsibility, perhaps less than I would feel as a parent. It doesn't diminish the helplessness that I felt when I saw he couldn't recognize his own looming death at every turn, or anger I feel at myself that I was unable to help him. At a certain point, all I could really do for him, or myself as a friend, was get out of his way; the consequences of his life would need to be his.

There comes a point where an addicted person separates themselves from everything including themselves... there is no past or future, for that matter... it's all about the high. You are not the high... so don't take anything your son says or does personally; it's not about you... it's not even about him.

He's found his God to worship and you are right, it might kill him. I don't know if you or anyone can convince him this God is a bad thing.. you certainly won't convince him that it will kill him... and if you do, well then... it will be rationalized to be that God's will, won't it? Ohio knows this... he knows how a junky can rationalize. A junky can talk himself from straight, stone cold sober, into his first bottle of wine in a single sentence. I know... I had that very conversation with my friend Mark.

On the radio, I heard a junky tell his story after 40 years out. He said the thing that initially, got him out, was that he realized he loved his high more than anything including himself, and he would miss it if he didn't have it. And that was actually ok for a while... but he had to get lower before he finally found out, the high didn't love him back. Now, every day he knows for certain, it's a love he's going to miss for the rest of his life. He said that's the only thing that keeps him out, even after 40 years... it's the only way he knows he has control of it. He never underestimates the power of that one sided love.

I'm glad Ohio made it out; he knows very well where he's been, and has no illusions about what got him to become who he is right now. He maintains a lofty bar, judging no one but himself to his own humble expectations. He's a good man. I hope his son and yours as well, can get that far. Some do not. All you can really do is make sure your boy knows that no drug will ever be able to love him in return. Your love for him is the only thing you can be responsible for.

Heart Take care, Beeluv. You know this forum is always open if you need a place to just lose it.

I think in the end, I just feel like I'm a secular person who has a skeptical eye toward any extraordinary claim, carefully examining any extraordinary evidence before jumping to conclusions. ~ Eric ~ My friend ... who figured it out.
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26-06-2012, 01:46 PM
RE: Smotherlove (17yr old drug addicted son)
Thank you for responding to everyone. Stay strong.

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26-06-2012, 08:39 PM
RE: Smotherlove (17yr old drug addicted son)
I wish I had an answer, if I did it would come in handy in my life.

My middle daughter has an addiction to coke and crack. It's been going on for years. Her father had addiction issues and died at 24 drunk/drugged driving, she was three at the time. That's what makes me think it's genetic, cause she was too young to learn it from him although she walks the same path. She is 30 now.

We have dealt with MAJOR legal issues with the ATF with her due in part to selling to feed her habit. She does well for a while then relapses. We are now 1000 miles apart but even when in the same town, it often felt we were a million miles apart.

Things didn't get out of control till she was an adult and out of the house.

Even as a late teen, early 20 something we knew something was up when she would 'disappear'. She would call and say she was coming to eat on Sunday. We would wait for her, call, wait some more and sometimes we wouldn't hear from her again for three weeks. Binge time.

In the last few years she will drop contact after being really unpredictable and combative. I can always tell when things are on the downward spiral.

I care, I care a lot, but I can't invest everything in her situation. Until she is ready to accept help, I can't really do much except hope the good times last longer and longer till eventually she is in control.

In between, I often expect her to have the same fate as her father. I couldn't save him either though I tried.

I sure don't envy what you are dealing with, I lost a zillion hours of my life worrying about her and I am sure there are many more to come.

Be sure to take some time for yourself so you don't break.

See here they are, the bruises, some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

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27-06-2012, 03:56 AM (This post was last modified: 27-06-2012 04:02 AM by Filox.)
RE: Smotherlove (17yr old drug addicted son)
Hay Ohio, I already said this once, but this is a sort of post I will say it again. I was a bit like you as well, I also did heroin. There.

Not really something I am proud of, but the lesson it thought is priceless. Unfortunately (or rather quite lucky) I am not a typical addict. I managed to control my drugs, rather then let them control me. I know, I know, you all must be thinking that I am BSing and that sooner or later I will go back. Wrong, it's been more than 10 years now and all it took for me to stop is the realisation that I was doing it for almost a year. I decided I will never take it again. I fucked up only once, a year after my decision, but it was intentional and that was the final time. I had opportunities, but I failed to follow them through.

I have a few things to correct you. Addiction is not a disease. Addiction is something you do to yourself, not something that comes to your body without your interaction. Also, your son is a bit like me, only harder case. Now this is a bit hard to explain, but the bottom line is that he will not be free until he alone wants to be free once and for all. How to explain this to him and help him? Not even he know the answer to this. I am afraid that he is only waiting for the time when you will be away from him, so that he can be "free" again. I might be wrong, but you could know that, if you talk to him and listen.

Also, there is one problem with his brain. Well, it's not really a problem, but I am pretty positive he LOVES to get high. The problem here is that now everything is taken away from him. This puts much greater pressure on his psyche and he craves for his "high" mentally much more than his body is craving for it physically. This is going to sound stupid and you will probably go mad now, but for his sake, some weed might help him relax and get high, without the damage or consequences. This brings another thing in question. Will weed help him, as he gets some substitute and can get high, or will it push him for the search for something stronger? The scientific reports all say that weed does not push people toward stronger drugs. This also tells us that your son did not start doing ketamins, cocaine and heroin because of weed, only that weed was in his way of experimenting, so you can not blame alcohol and weed for his addiction, the heroin and his wish for more is what made him addicted.

Anyway, from my experience, weed helped me to forget about XTC, amphetamines, heroin... Only thing I kept was LSD, but that is a different story, completely not related to this thing. I smoke weed regularly for about 15 years and I have no side effects, I live, work and behave normally. Could I do all this without weed? Sure I could, but it was easier this way and I can hardly picture my life without smoking. Oh yeah, thanx to weed, I stopped smoking cigarettes and I even don't drink alcohol anymore. Maybe a few times a year.

For the more normal advices... Uffff... I have no idea what to say to someone in this situation. It would be much easier to talk to him, I can understand him much more that you and your side. What he needs to know is that only ONE dose collapses the whole effort he and you did for the last 100 days, but you already know that. His old friends... When he leaves his past behind, he will leave his friends as well. The problematic ones are those that do heroin, if he hangs out with some pot-heads that do nothing else, he could actually be better off than if he is with people that are Christian and straight. You see pot-heads usually (but not always the case) only "worship" weed and hate chemistry, so that would be a great example for him. But since you can never be sure...

To help him come to his own conclusions, he needs to have some freedom. This is very, very tricky because in giving him freedom, you risk his old habits biting back. But by keeping him "locked up" you may only make his wish to "fly" stronger. He needs something that will occupy him, some hobby, sport, girl, weed, video games, something that does not include heroin and something that he can't do while doing heroin.

As Ohio said, friends are extremely important. I don't know if you know any of his friends, but it would be super if he could have some good friends that will not allow him to go back to heroin, as most of my friends were complaining to me constantly how I am retarded and how they want to kick my sorry ass...

If you think that can help in any way, he can talk to me, but I don't think he will ever want to do that and I'm pretty sure that he can hear all sorts of stories on his AA meetings.


Hmmm, did I say anything smart here? I'm looking and can't see anything. Sorry about that, but is quite a unique thing, one can not just give a universal advise.

Friends and family. Nature and road trips. Hobbies and sports. Start releasing the chains little by little, more freedom, more responsibility. More responsibility, less chance of going back.

Stay strong, you are doing a good job. The life of a parent is a tough one.

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27-06-2012, 09:09 AM
RE: Smotherlove (17yr old drug addicted son)
(26-06-2012 12:06 PM)kim Wrote:  
(26-06-2012 09:56 AM)beeluv Wrote:  Ohio, thanks so much for sharing. I can’t imagine how painful it is to watch your child struggle with the same disease. I wish they could learn from our mistakes, but apparently the only way for a person to grow is through their own missteps. However, I wouldn’t mind learning from parents who have been there and bought the t-shirt.

I wish noone belonged to this sh!tty club.

At this point I will not give up on him, and will continue to help him in recovery. Relapse scares the shite out of me, but I know the probability is very high. If(when) it happens, my husband and I will be momentarily heart broken, but then we’ll make like the itsy-bitsy spider and go up the spout again to another detox and rehab. He is hanging out with some friends that he had before he began consorting with the fiends. These are the “tween” buddies that he met after the baseball friends and before the shooting gallerists. Unfortunately, he has no interest in playing baseball again, nor will he quit smoking cigarettes. I sort of understand. In some weird way it reminds me of the saying, “you can never go home again”. He feels too different to return to the old normal.

Reading your post made me think that the hardest thing for any parent to do is to separate themselves from their child, no matter what age they are. I imagine that you not only did it for his sake but your own. It must have been a very long, painful and frightening road to reach this point. I hope I have the maturity and grit to do the same if my boy does not truly change.

Beeluv, I can only tell you that Ohio is right... more right than any of us may ever know. His friend saved his life. Ohio tried to save his own son's life, until he realized it was his own son's responsibility to do so. He was right.

I can only tell you the other side of that story... the other side of the story for any junky and someone who loves him or her.

I had a friend named Mark. He was an exceptional person; talented, inquisitive, happy and he loved life. He is dead. And that's really all he is to anyone, now. Between who he was and what he is now, I experienced Mark as a friend; a responsibility, perhaps less than I would feel as a parent. It doesn't diminish the helplessness that I felt when I saw he couldn't recognize his own looming death at every turn, or anger I feel at myself that I was unable to help him. At a certain point, all I could really do for him, or myself as a friend, was get out of his way; the consequences of his life would need to be his.

There comes a point where an addicted person separates themselves from everything including themselves... there is no past or future, for that matter... it's all about the high. You are not the high... so don't take anything your son says or does personally; it's not about you... it's not even about him.

He's found his God to worship and you are right, it might kill him. I don't know if you or anyone can convince him this God is a bad thing.. you certainly won't convince him that it will kill him... and if you do, well then... it will be rationalized to be that God's will, won't it? Ohio knows this... he knows how a junky can rationalize. A junky can talk himself from straight, stone cold sober, into his first bottle of wine in a single sentence. I know... I had that very conversation with my friend Mark.

On the radio, I heard a junky tell his story after 40 years out. He said the thing that initially, got him out, was that he realized he loved his high more than anything including himself, and he would miss it if he didn't have it. And that was actually ok for a while... but he had to get lower before he finally found out, the high didn't love him back. Now, every day he knows for certain, it's a love he's going to miss for the rest of his life. He said that's the only thing that keeps him out, even after 40 years... it's the only way he knows he has control of it. He never underestimates the power of that one sided love.

I'm glad Ohio made it out; he knows very well where he's been, and has no illusions about what got him to become who he is right now. He maintains a lofty bar, judging no one but himself to his own humble expectations. He's a good man. I hope his son and yours as well, can get that far. Some do not. All you can really do is make sure your boy knows that no drug will ever be able to love him in return. Your love for him is the only thing you can be responsible for.

Heart Take care, Beeluv. You know this forum is always open if you need a place to just lose it.



I read every word you wrote twice, but what really socked me was "there comes a point where and addicted person seperates from everything including themselves." He changed so drasticly. The old goofy, good-natured and affectionate boy seems gone. For the most part I am stuck with this angry, resentful and depressed kid. Even though he is alive, I feel like I am grieving his loss. Don't get me wrong, I do not want to belittle the actual death of a child. When (or if)I am faced with this devastating blow, I know it will be far far worse. But this is how I feel...

I will definitely come back for more teeth grinding and plate throwing. Thanks so much...

Heart Be good for goodness sake!
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27-06-2012, 10:05 AM
RE: Smotherlove (17yr old drug addicted son)
(26-06-2012 08:39 PM)Anjele Wrote:  I wish I had an answer, if I did it would come in handy in my life.

My middle daughter has an addiction to coke and crack. It's been going on for years. Her father had addiction issues and died at 24 drunk/drugged driving, she was three at the time. That's what makes me think it's genetic, cause she was too young to learn it from him although she walks the same path. She is 30 now.

We have dealt with MAJOR legal issues with the ATF with her due in part to selling to feed her habit. She does well for a while then relapses. We are now 1000 miles apart but even when in the same town, it often felt we were a million miles apart.

Things didn't get out of control till she was an adult and out of the house.

Even as a late teen, early 20 something we knew something was up when she would 'disappear'. She would call and say she was coming to eat on Sunday. We would wait for her, call, wait some more and sometimes we wouldn't hear from her again for three weeks. Binge time.

In the last few years she will drop contact after being really unpredictable and combative. I can always tell when things are on the downward spiral.

I care, I care a lot, but I can't invest everything in her situation. Until she is ready to accept help, I can't really do much except hope the good times last longer and longer till eventually she is in control.

In between, I often expect her to have the same fate as her father. I couldn't save him either though I tried.

I sure don't envy what you are dealing with, I lost a zillion hours of my life worrying about her and I am sure there are many more to come.

Be sure to take some time for yourself so you don't break.


My friend is trying to talk me into going to the beach on Sunday, so I think I will. I hope you do things for yourself too. Moms tend to put others before themselves.

I know it sounds nuts, but sometimes I am jealous of people who believe. For them, god has the answer to all of life's problems. I spend so much time researching, thinking/re-thinking and trying to learn from other's experiences, I'd like to convert and stick my head in the sand too. I'd like to stop blaming myself and tell people that it's in god's plan for my family.

Why does the truth always need to be so painful?

Everything is pointing in the same direction. I need to slowly detach as much as possible in order to save him and myself. This will be the most difficult thing I do in my life. At least I hope so...

Heart Be good for goodness sake!
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27-06-2012, 01:04 PM
RE: Smotherlove (17yr old drug addicted son)
(26-06-2012 12:06 PM)kim Wrote:  
(26-06-2012 09:56 AM)beeluv Wrote:  Ohio, thanks so much for sharing. I can’t imagine how painful it is to watch your child struggle with the same disease. I wish they could learn from our mistakes, but apparently the only way for a person to grow is through their own missteps. However, I wouldn’t mind learning from parents who have been there and bought the t-shirt.

I wish noone belonged to this sh!tty club.

At this point I will not give up on him, and will continue to help him in recovery. Relapse scares the shite out of me, but I know the probability is very high. If(when) it happens, my husband and I will be momentarily heart broken, but then we’ll make like the itsy-bitsy spider and go up the spout again to another detox and rehab. He is hanging out with some friends that he had before he began consorting with the fiends. These are the “tween” buddies that he met after the baseball friends and before the shooting gallerists. Unfortunately, he has no interest in playing baseball again, nor will he quit smoking cigarettes. I sort of understand. In some weird way it reminds me of the saying, “you can never go home again”. He feels too different to return to the old normal.

Reading your post made me think that the hardest thing for any parent to do is to separate themselves from their child, no matter what age they are. I imagine that you not only did it for his sake but your own. It must have been a very long, painful and frightening road to reach this point. I hope I have the maturity and grit to do the same if my boy does not truly change.
Beeluv, I can only tell you that Ohio is right... more right than any of us may ever know. His friend saved his life. Ohio tried to save his own son's life, until he realized it was his own son's responsibility to do so. He was right.

I can only tell you the other side of that story... the other side of the story for any junky and someone who loves him or her.

I had a friend named Mark. He was an exceptional person; talented, inquisitive, happy and he loved life. He is dead. And that's really all he is to anyone, now. Between who he was and what he is now, I experienced Mark as a friend; a responsibility, perhaps less than I would feel as a parent. It doesn't diminish the helplessness that I felt when I saw he couldn't recognize his own looming death at every turn, or anger I feel at myself that I was unable to help him. At a certain point, all I could really do for him, or myself as a friend, was get out of his way; the consequences of his life would need to be his.

There comes a point where an addicted person separates themselves from everything including themselves... there is no past or future, for that matter... it's all about the high. You are not the high... so don't take anything your son says or does personally; it's not about you... it's not even about him.

He's found his God to worship and you are right, it might kill him. I don't know if you or anyone can convince him this God is a bad thing.. you certainly won't convince him that it will kill him... and if you do, well then... it will be rationalized to be that God's will, won't it? Ohio knows this... he knows how a junky can rationalize. A junky can talk himself from straight, stone cold sober, into his first bottle of wine in a single sentence. I know... I had that very conversation with my friend Mark.

On the radio, I heard a junky tell his story after 40 years out. He said the thing that initially, got him out, was that he realized he loved his high more than anything including himself, and he would miss it if he didn't have it. And that was actually ok for a while... but he had to get lower before he finally found out, the high didn't love him back. Now, every day he knows for certain, it's a love he's going to miss for the rest of his life. He said that's the only thing that keeps him out, even after 40 years... it's the only way he knows he has control of it. He never underestimates the power of that one sided love.

I'm glad Ohio made it out; he knows very well where he's been, and has no illusions about what got him to become who he is right now. He maintains a lofty bar, judging no one but himself to his own humble expectations. He's a good man. I hope his son and yours as well, can get that far. Some do not. All you can really do is make sure your boy knows that no drug will ever be able to love him in return. Your love for him is the only thing you can be responsible for.

Heart Take care, Beeluv. You know this forum is always open if you need a place to just lose it.
It was very hard to say good bye to my son. I hurt every day from the loss. The trust was lost and the broken promises made .I got to my own mental health to worry about. You have to make a choice at that point. I have grand kids I will never see again. The courts are looking for him and the kids too. No one can find them. Once you are on the run and homeless with 3 kids, a addict and no where to turn I would think he don't have long to hide. I cant find it in my heart to forgive him for putting his children in danger with his actions and addictions. His wife is in the same boat with him and I think is worse than he is. I worry for the welfare of them kids every day. This has been a hell far more than I thought I would ever have to endure at my age. This hurts me far more than my physical pain I have. I know your heart breaks Smotherlove. I may sound hard on here at times but no one knows what goes on in my home. No one knows the worry i have every day. Only a parent of a junkie can know this type of pain of the heart.

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27-06-2012, 01:58 PM
RE: Smotherlove (17yr old drug addicted son)
(25-06-2012 01:24 PM)Chas Wrote:  He needs to get an AA and/or NA sponsor. You cannot provide your son what a recovering addict can - experience.

Hang in there, but start detaching; don't go to every meeting - in fact, wean yourself and don't go to any meeting with him unless he asks you to.

I've been clean and sober for more than 20 years, and it took 3 or 4 years to get there. It ain't easy, it ain't fun.

And finally, he needs to get a sponsor. You can't bullshit a bullshitter, it'll keep him honest.

I have to reiterate Chas's practical advice here, Beeluv. Especially the part about detaching - he might resent you "making" him do this, so this responsibility will be something he'll have to handle. What Filox said is important here, too; how much freedom you give him will depend on how much you listen to him.

Detaching will be the hard part for you, but you know you can do it -you're a parent; parents never give up. Unfortunately, it's also why it's so painful for you, Ohio, Anjele, and any parent.

Filox has a point about there being no single answer - everyone is different and you never know what's in another person's head. Keeping your kid alive might mean backing off but also like Filox said, it's going to be very tricky... you can't just leave him to his own devices unless you know there's backup. Backup that you can't provide directly, but you can encourage him, and admire his accomplishment.

It's going to be a long, very tough road for him... and like Chas said, someone with experience will keep him honest, keep him busy, and away from the junk.

Hang tough; keep yourself healthy so you can encourage your son to find himself, and admire him when he does. Thumbsup

I think in the end, I just feel like I'm a secular person who has a skeptical eye toward any extraordinary claim, carefully examining any extraordinary evidence before jumping to conclusions. ~ Eric ~ My friend ... who figured it out.
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27-06-2012, 02:50 PM
RE: Smotherlove (17yr old drug addicted son)
(27-06-2012 03:56 AM)Filox Wrote:  Hay Ohio, I already said this once, but this is a sort of post I will say it again. I was a bit like you as well, I also did heroin. There.

Not really something I am proud of, but the lesson it thought is priceless. Unfortunately (or rather quite lucky) I am not a typical addict. I managed to control my drugs, rather then let them control me. I know, I know, you all must be thinking that I am BSing and that sooner or later I will go back. Wrong, it's been more than 10 years now and all it took for me to stop is the realisation that I was doing it for almost a year. I decided I will never take it again. I fucked up only once, a year after my decision, but it was intentional and that was the final time. I had opportunities, but I failed to follow them through.

I have a few things to correct you. Addiction is not a disease. Addiction is something you do to yourself, not something that comes to your body without your interaction. Also, your son is a bit like me, only harder case. Now this is a bit hard to explain, but the bottom line is that he will not be free until he alone wants to be free once and for all. How to explain this to him and help him? Not even he know the answer to this. I am afraid that he is only waiting for the time when you will be away from him, so that he can be "free" again. I might be wrong, but you could know that, if you talk to him and listen.

Also, there is one problem with his brain. Well, it's not really a problem, but I am pretty positive he LOVES to get high. The problem here is that now everything is taken away from him. This puts much greater pressure on his psyche and he craves for his "high" mentally much more than his body is craving for it physically. This is going to sound stupid and you will probably go mad now, but for his sake, some weed might help him relax and get high, without the damage or consequences. This brings another thing in question. Will weed help him, as he gets some substitute and can get high, or will it push him for the search for something stronger? The scientific reports all say that weed does not push people toward stronger drugs. This also tells us that your son did not start doing ketamins, cocaine and heroin because of weed, only that weed was in his way of experimenting, so you can not blame alcohol and weed for his addiction, the heroin and his wish for more is what made him addicted.

Anyway, from my experience, weed helped me to forget about XTC, amphetamines, heroin... Only thing I kept was LSD, but that is a different story, completely not related to this thing. I smoke weed regularly for about 15 years and I have no side effects, I live, work and behave normally. Could I do all this without weed? Sure I could, but it was easier this way and I can hardly picture my life without smoking. Oh yeah, thanx to weed, I stopped smoking cigarettes and I even don't drink alcohol anymore. Maybe a few times a year.

For the more normal advices... Uffff... I have no idea what to say to someone in this situation. It would be much easier to talk to him, I can understand him much more that you and your side. What he needs to know is that only ONE dose collapses the whole effort he and you did for the last 100 days, but you already know that. His old friends... When he leaves his past behind, he will leave his friends as well. The problematic ones are those that do heroin, if he hangs out with some pot-heads that do nothing else, he could actually be better off than if he is with people that are Christian and straight. You see pot-heads usually (but not always the case) only "worship" weed and hate chemistry, so that would be a great example for him. But since you can never be sure...

To help him come to his own conclusions, he needs to have some freedom. This is very, very tricky because in giving him freedom, you risk his old habits biting back. But by keeping him "locked up" you may only make his wish to "fly" stronger. He needs something that will occupy him, some hobby, sport, girl, weed, video games, something that does not include heroin and something that he can't do while doing heroin.

As Ohio said, friends are extremely important. I don't know if you know any of his friends, but it would be super if he could have some good friends that will not allow him to go back to heroin, as most of my friends were complaining to me constantly how I am retarded and how they want to kick my sorry ass...

If you think that can help in any way, he can talk to me, but I don't think he will ever want to do that and I'm pretty sure that he can hear all sorts of stories on his AA meetings.


Hmmm, did I say anything smart here? I'm looking and can't see anything. Sorry about that, but is quite a unique thing, one can not just give a universal advise.

Friends and family. Nature and road trips. Hobbies and sports. Start releasing the chains little by little, more freedom, more responsibility. More responsibility, less chance of going back.

Stay strong, you are doing a good job. The life of a parent is a tough one.

Hi Filox,

While I agree that it is something that you do to yourself, I do not agree that is not a disease for my son. DISCLAIMER: I am not comfortable making blanket statements in regard to disease for everyone, just my boy. I think my kid's genetics and his brain were wired to become addicted to something, whether it be sex, drugs, booze, etc. He has always been obsessive and extremely impulsive without a care for consequences. He is on the Autism Spectrum as mainly in the Pervasive Personality Disorder range, which is a mild form of autism. So this behaviour did not come with his use, so that is why I believe the drug use was merely a symptom of a larger problem. According to my research as well as his clinicians knowledge, I think he is suffering from a nuerological disease brought on by his abuse of drugs. Or maybe his neurological problem begat the heroin?

At this point he has no interest in pot. After awhile smoking it was no longer getting him high, so he found it to be a waste of time and money. It is not clear how pot interacts with the adolescent brain.

BTW, pot smoke is far worse for your lungs than nicotine, young man!!! (hee-hee)

I would like to thank you for your (continued, I hope)input, it is valuable to me.

Heart Be good for goodness sake!
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