So I am transitioning
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11-08-2017, 11:04 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Great progress! I don't know how much hair you had cut off, but seriously, doesn't your head literally feel lighter on your neck and shoulders right now?

Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?
"Life is not all lovely thorns and singing vultures, you know." ~ Morticia Addams
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12-08-2017, 08:41 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Good onya Rob! I'm really glad things are progressing—from your perspective—so smoothly. Thumbsup

I'm a creationist... I believe that man created God.
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12-08-2017, 11:09 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(12-08-2017 08:41 AM)SYZ Wrote:  ... I'm really glad things are progressing—from your perspective—so smoothly. Thumbsup
Not smooth... Spouse things are not too well... Things can look smooth but when it is not well with the husband...

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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12-08-2017, 11:30 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Does your husband have any kind of support network where he can talk about his feelings? You know, when a guy loses a wife to illness or divorce they are generally able to bring it up with friends, family, and at work and receive genuine condolences. But this is a very different situation. No matter how you look at it, he's not losing YOU, but he IS losing his "wife." If he doesn't have anyone he can talk to about HIS feelings without them judging him or risking hurting you....

Sharing sorrow (and let's be real, he has to be feeling some) helps to cope and work things through. I suspect he may be feeling mighty isolated right now. And I'm not referring to him talking to you about it. Or talking to your doctors either. I mean somewhere just for him where he can be open and honest without having to even stop and think about how what he is saying or feeling may be affecting you. This is his journey too. And let's be honest, I expect it's not a journey he thought he might be getting a passport for when he said "for better or for worse and in sickness and in health, etc." Is there maybe somewhere online where he can find people who have been in similar situations?

****(an aside to Emma)*** The wife you so lovingly refer to from time to time here---was she your wife before the transition and still is, or did she come into your life after? Is there anyone or anywhere you could suggest that Rob's husband talk to?

Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?
"Life is not all lovely thorns and singing vultures, you know." ~ Morticia Addams
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12-08-2017, 02:29 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
He talked to a friend of his yesterday finally. He is out right now with another friend to talk and get shitfaced. I am sitting at home and get shitfaced too. He started therapy but I think he will drop that therapist because he dislikes the method (fair enough) but he said he will keep looking for therapists for a while then. Also as far as I know TENI has a support group for spouses or maybe I read it on another website, but he didn't react to it when I told him about that.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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12-08-2017, 10:20 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Hello Leerob.

We have not been introduced. My name is Dale.

Reading your thread I found myself admiring both you and your husband. You both have been very mature. Even if both must get shit faced. Smile

Sadly I do not have any experience with what you are going through. Although I've known and been friends with a number of trans gender people. For the most part they have been happy. One committed suicide, but I do not know the reasons for that tragedy. Following his change I do know those who were friends with him before remained so after.

As for your marriage, one cannot foretell the results. A life change of this magnitude will undoubtedly have consequences. Only time will tell. All one can do is hope for the best. And you have my hopes. Smile

I want to congratulate you for your courage and clear mind set with regards to this. I was very impressed with the depth you have shown in discovering what you can about this change.

It seems quite apparent that you are a person worthy of respect. You have earned mine.

I am wishing you all the very best I can.

Follow your bliss. Be yourself.

One thing is for sure, you're going to learn who your real friends are! Big Grin

Loads of love and support. Dale. HeartHeartHeartHeartHeart

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
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13-08-2017, 04:51 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(12-08-2017 10:20 PM)Banjo Wrote:  Hello Leerob.

We have not been introduced. My name is Dale.

Hi Dale,
Actually we have been introduced. Back when my name was still Leela Big Grin
Thanks for the kind message.
You are very right about nobody can tell what the future brings. I hope my husband and I will be able to stay together. If not, I will have to own up to my own little code of honour and let him go because I love him and I want him to be happy.
As for yourself, I hope you are doing okay.

Also last night he came back and was not shit faced, as wasn't I. I had one beer, he had two. He also had some weed in addition and brought one back for us to share. So we probably will share some time tonight. Chill and relax after a shit day like yesterday.
He put his ring back on and when he came to bed and i woke up because of his moving around the room, he had me feel his hand with the ring on. So that is good I hope. I really hope the ring will stay on. Because he explained to me that the wedding ring for him means a promise to stay together forever. And I would hope that this is the promise he can keep.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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13-08-2017, 05:08 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Ooh Aah
I am on my last few bits of buzz.
Had ma first joint today.
How wonderful. I could almost get used to it.

I know I put smilies in my posts a lot but reality is, there isn't much smile in me in real life. So those 2 hours of smiling I got today, and this blizzful, stoned, feeling. I am already very chill but this was exactly what I needed after the past few weeks and after last night. THIS was what I needed.

So now I have some recharged batteries, my ring is back on, his ring is back on, we cuddled and kissed, and I will let it all sleep for a few weeks, maybe couple of months. Who the fuck knows. Let is rest for a bit at home. Try to let some of our scars heal before bringing it up again. Probably the best I can do right now. Give it more time. Nothing to rush at the moment anyway. I wait, I wait and see.

Is it weird that the letters on the screen seem to be moving into the distance as I type. Maybe a bit of my stoned-ness is still there.
5/5 stars

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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13-08-2017, 05:56 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Leela!

Ha. Nice to see you again. Smile

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
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14-08-2017, 08:09 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(12-08-2017 11:30 AM)outtathereligioncloset Wrote:  ****(an aside to Emma)*** The wife you so lovingly refer to from time to time here---was she your wife before the transition and still is, or did she come into your life after? Is there anyone or anywhere you could suggest that Rob's husband talk to?

She has been my wife since before I transitioned. Smile We got married 10 years ago, and I have been transitioning for approaching 3 years now. Things aren't always ideal, but they are really good. She's been great, and I love her so much. We spent the weekend playing the new Zelda, Breath of the Wild, together.

I hope it doesn't sound like I'm bragging- but I think it's important to highlight that some marriages can survive this kind of change. Each day it gets a little easier to see us together for a long time to come. That's no guarantee, by any means.

Not long ago, I was doing some voice work with a good friend I had met on Twitter, named Ibby. Her and her wife are so amazing and supportive of each other. And they are such a cute young couple, seeing them together my me smile in joy for them.

(13-08-2017 05:08 PM)Leerob Wrote:  Ooh Aah
I am on my last few bits of buzz.
Had ma first joint today.
How wonderful. I could almost get used to it.

I know I put smilies in my posts a lot but reality is, there isn't much smile in me in real life. So those 2 hours of smiling I got today, and this blizzful, stoned, feeling. I am already very chill but this was exactly what I needed after the past few weeks and after last night. THIS was what I needed.

So now I have some recharged batteries, my ring is back on, his ring is back on, we cuddled and kissed, and I will let it all sleep for a few weeks, maybe couple of months. Who the fuck knows. Let is rest for a bit at home. Try to let some of our scars heal before bringing it up again. Probably the best I can do right now. Give it more time. Nothing to rush at the moment anyway. I wait, I wait and see.

Is it weird that the letters on the screen seem to be moving into the distance as I type. Maybe a bit of my stoned-ness is still there.
5/5 stars

I'm so glad to hear this, Rob! It sounds like he truly loves you, and he is working his way through this very complicated and difficult emotions. I think that whether you two stay together or not, it's clear that he loves you greatly.

I think it's a very different set of issues that men face when seeing their partner transition to a man. I think they are faced with some of the same complex and sometimes competing questions ('Can I see myself with someone of the same sex?', 'What will my friends and family think?', 'Will I still be sexually attractive to them? And will they be attractive to me?', 'Can I walk down the street holding hands with someone of the same sex?', 'Do I love my spouse because they are a man or woman, or do I love them for who they are inside?', 'I know I truly love them, but can this work?', 'Can I see myself without my spouse?', 'If I stay, am I just staying because I'm afraid of change or because I'm comfortable or for financial reasons?', etc. etc. etc.). I hope that your husband does continue to work with a therapist- or at least is able to honestly analyze his feelings and thoughts- and that he realizes that some of those feelings and thoughts might change over time.

I'm so glad that you two were able to just chill and smoke up for a bit. And that you both have your rings on. It makes me smile. I'm really crossing my fingers for you both and hoping for the best! Hug
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