So I am transitioning
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23-08-2017, 08:23 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Yay, that is awesome, Rob! Good work!
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24-08-2017, 09:18 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Yesterday I was playing with some friend online. And we were on Teamspeak. And there were people that I didn't know and my friend introduced me as Rob Smile
This feels so good!

My husband is making an effort to not refer to me with female words. So he has switched from "wife" to "spouse". Fair enough. Good step. Although we did have some very difficult discussions about where the relationship is going. And while we both still have good days where we want to make it work, we are not delusional. He is straight and it is very highly likely that it will end at some point.
Then again I have done my griefing and I hope he has done his as well. I cannot have those types of days anymore. We are holding on to as normal as possible and whatever our new normal is. We do our goofy flirting and so on. But yea, there is sadly a timer on this relationship now. I am hopeful that whenever it doesn't work in a couple way anymore, we will stay good friends. There is no reason not to. After all we are not going to split in a fight or because of cheating or things like that. But I guess only the future can tell.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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25-08-2017, 01:34 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(24-08-2017 09:18 PM)Leerob Wrote:  Yesterday I was playing with some friend online. And we were on Teamspeak. And there were people that I didn't know and my friend introduced me as Rob Smile
This feels so good!

My husband is making an effort to not refer to me with female words. So he has switched from "wife" to "spouse". Fair enough. Good step. Although we did have some very difficult discussions about where the relationship is going. And while we both still have good days where we want to make it work, we are not delusional. He is straight and it is very highly likely that it will end at some point.
Then again I have done my griefing and I hope he has done his as well. I cannot have those types of days anymore. We are holding on to as normal as possible and whatever our new normal is. We do our goofy flirting and so on. But yea, there is sadly a timer on this relationship now. I am hopeful that whenever it doesn't work in a couple way anymore, we will stay good friends. There is no reason not to. After all we are not going to split in a fight or because of cheating or things like that. But I guess only the future can tell.

Awesome stuff Rob! As you change into the person you really are, your personal life will obviously (as you already know) change as well, and whilst that may seem scary in some aspects (mainly the relationship I think) you will be happier in the long run.

In terms of the relationship, who knows how it'll work out. It may be that you become really good 'Platonic friends', which if your spouse is having a hard time in handling the changes that would effect his perception of a physical relationship, It may be for the best. Hope that gets sorted.

Onward and upwards, as they say, it sounds like you have a really awesome support network locally, and be sure to keep us updated Smile

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When life gives you lemons, just remember you are an....
(18-09-2017 09:47 AM)vahaaao Wrote:  Irresponsible bachelor daddy
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25-08-2017, 07:57 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Keep moving forward, Rob. I'm glad it felt good to be introduced as the real you. It feels nice when you don't have to put on a character for someone else new in your life.

Hoping the best for you and your spouse! I don't know what "best" is in your case or in anyone else's case, but I'm still hoping for it!
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27-08-2017, 05:42 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
So I have recently started feeling odd to use gendered toilets in public.
At work, it's no issue, at home not either. But in public I have started finding places with unisex toilets and avoiding places with gendered places as I have started to notice odd looks.
So imagine my surprise today. I went to a concert and they had not only a ladies and a gents. Nono they also had a disabled and a unisex.
And I did see other not-quite-passing trans people going in. I had a happy.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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27-08-2017, 05:48 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Rob, did you ever see the TV show Ally McBeal? It was set in a law office where they had a unisex bathroom. Years before this became a hotly debated *political* issue (1997 to 2002). That's actually one of my favorite shows, ever. I hope they start to show it in reruns.

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"Life is not all lovely thorns and singing vultures, you know." ~ Morticia Addams
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27-08-2017, 05:52 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
actually didn't watch it. might give it a try at some point. i heard others talk about it back then.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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27-08-2017, 06:03 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
All the bathrooms at my uni in Sweden were unisex. There was also a waiting area with a TV and things.

I kinda miss that building/buildings, actually.

"E se non passa la tristezza con altri occhi la guarderò."
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27-08-2017, 06:21 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
(27-08-2017 05:42 PM)Leerob Wrote:  So I have recently started feeling odd to use gendered toilets in public.
At work, it's no issue, at home not either. But in public I have started finding places with unisex toilets and avoiding places with gendered places as I have started to notice odd looks.
So imagine my surprise today. I went to a concert and they had not only a ladies and a gents. Nono they also had a disabled and a unisex.
And I did see other not-quite-passing trans people going in. I had a happy.

I don't really get what the fuss is. I've seen women use the mens restroom, sometimes when I was in there. I never said a word about it. That's not trans that's just normal old females that didn't wanna wait in line. She was there to do her thing I was there to do mine like why the fuck do people care so much about this?

My ex wife always was in the bathroom when I was in there (she'd sit on the counter and talk to me), was the same in reverse. I mean in a public restroom no one's gonna see shit anyway. Idk, maybe I"m just weird.

Anyway Rob I say do whatever the fuck you want, if I'm around I won't say shit to you about it.

DLJ Wrote:And, yes, the principle of freedom of expression works both ways... if someone starts shit, better shit is the best counter-argument.
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30-08-2017, 12:19 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Well the fuss is mostly for trans men who don't quite pass and go in the gents bathroom because they are seen as "freaks".
The fuss is also with trans women who don't quite pass yet and go in the ladies bathroom because they are seen as a "threat" or "danger".
Then we have a lot of places on the planet and especially in the US where you have to use the bathroom for the sex assigned at birth. So it is possible that a trans women has to go to the gents bathroom and then get beat up just for the fact that she is a freak / a fag / a <insert slur here>.
And so it happens a lot, especially for trans men, that they just don't go and because they hold it for too long and bacteria starts doing it's thing in the urinary track, there will be a lot of infections.
This is why I am so happy that I found, my city, a place where the bathroom is unisex. So if I ever need to go, I can go and have a coffee there and use the bathroom.

Also, because I am on my period now, hoorah, I thought I'd make a vlog about how to care for yourself when you are a transman on your period. Maybe it will help - especially trans teenagers.

In other news, my husband and I had a lot of conversations and while we are staying together for the moment, we are now both clear on the fact that our marriage will end at some point. I told him that this decision is completely his. He will choose the time and method etc. He is very conflicted about it because he loves me very much and he feels there are only bad options. I think he is right. Everything will cause suffering.
I told him a few times that I want to stay friends because our deep and trusting relationship is too precious to me to just throw it away. I think he needs time to think about this. Because currently he thinks it won't work and he has several reasons to think that. Nothing I say right now can convince him otherwise so he needs time to think about it.

I have not made any steps in my transition, other than a ton of research, since I did my hair. I haven't brought the topic up either as I want him to have time to think etc.
When we came from our short vacation, we sat on the bus and he suddenly asked what my mom said and how she reacted and whether she even knew. So he is starting to ask a little bit. He has not asked how I am doing so far but I understand.

The one thing that annoys me is that he keeps hinting how I am not man enough, how I might not make it as a man, etc. I think that subconsciously he is trying to scare me out of it or something. Like saying that I have female traits that I won't use. And I think "so what"? He has traits too, that are usually associated with feminitity, for example he is VERY emotional. I have never held that against him and his masculinity. But yea. I know that he is back and forth between denial and trying to accept, so I am not even taking it personal; it's just annoying.
You see, the thing is that I am prepared. I am doing my research, I am following some very good FtM vloggers that have helped me with their videos a lot so far.
So quite honestly, any reaction and situation I pretty much am prepared. I am prepared to fight if needed, I am prepared to educated, I am prepared for the fact that for a long time I won't pass, I am prepared for people's reactions, I am prepared for long waiting times, I am prepared for things that happen once I get on Testosterone, I am prepared for bathroom troubles, I am prepared for getting paperwork done... I am really fucking prepared. And I have a great therapist, and I have a great doctor. I have friends, my mom, and work who all have my back. In addition I have my best friends who have my back even more.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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