So I am transitioning
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26-10-2017, 04:34 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
So I gave a training at work. And with every new group, when I see them for the first time to deliver a training, I always say something like this "Hi, I'm Rob. I look and sound like this because I am transgender and only started my transition." And I do this so there is no elephant in the room etc. It works great, people take it well and know I am open if they have questions etc.
Today one of the newbies was like "Oh interesting, from what to what?"
I think that gave me my biggest smile in a while because if I present as not clearly female or male then that is already a good step away from clearly female (though much work goes into that but I am happy that it works). So I told him that it's female to male and he continued with the weirdest thing that has been said to me so far about this: "Oh that's interesting because I have never met one in person!"
I am sure he didn't want to be offensive and I am not taking it badly but it was a bit weird. He was about to start babbling so I just said that if anybody ever has a question about it to go ahead and ask over a coffee break or whatever, and then I started the training.
I really didn't want to waste training time. So while I am happy to remove my elephant from the room and also happy to answer questions, I am not happy to waste time for training on that.

Good thing is that in a month we have a Transgender Awareness Week that the transgender board has been working to set up (I am on it too). And I will be organizing it for the EU HQ. So people like this guy can then ask all the questions in the world at the appropriate events. I am actually really excited about that week. We worked a lot on planning and preparing things etc. I think it will be really nice because we are not doing it in SJW manner and we are also not being pushy. It's just one little thing every day that week to educate coworkers.

Also recently I wrote an article on LinkedIn and it has been kinda well received. Maybe more than well received. So much that our public comms team has reached out to me and asked me nicely to give them a heads up if I write things like that so they can be prepared when reporters ask questions. (it was a very positive trans related article)
Now about a week after I wrote the article, I have now been approached and invited to speak at a panel. So that I will take as a compliment. Though I have discovered that I am not available when that panel is but I will be meeting with the organizer tomorrow anyway.

On the relationship front things seem to be a bit calmer now. But I will be running a mini-LARP soon and I have to make sure that my husband understands that he needs to call me Rob and "he" if he wants to attend. I know he wants to attend but I also know that he is making things super weird and awkward if everybody addresses me correctly just he sticks to my birth name and "she". So I hope he can at least try. i will tell those who are coming to the game to ignore it if he says it wrong. But I know that it would be weird for my friends, for him, and for me if he says it wrong. So we will see I guess. I will talk to him about that next week some time.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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27-10-2017, 07:43 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(26-10-2017 04:34 PM)Leerob Wrote:  Today one of the newbies was like "Oh interesting, from what to what?"
I think that gave me my biggest smile in a while because if I present as not clearly female or male then that is already a good step away from clearly female (though much work goes into that but I am happy that it works). So I told him that it's female to male and he continued with the weirdest thing that has been said to me so far about this: "Oh that's interesting because I have never met one in person!"
I am sure he didn't want to be offensive and I am not taking it badly but it was a bit weird.

I can't speak for him, but my guess would be that he's a well-intentioned cisgendered person who doesn't realize how he sounds.

I've always worried the same thing about myself. I have two friends who are trans (one male to female and the other female to male). As a general rule, I just never bring it up and let them discuss what whatever they are comfortable with.

I have two girls (nine and six) who are fairly new to the concept. They met the first of my two friends about a year ago and just accepted her for who she is, with no questions. My wife and I debated if we wanted to say anything one way or the other, and opted to show them a book that's geared toward kids to introduce the concept (I think it's co-authored by Jazz Jennings). We read through the book a couple times with them, but never said anything about our friend. Then, a few weeks later, the girls found out from her, and assumed that she was planning to transition from female to male, because they'd always just accepted her as a woman without any hesitation. The idea that she has already transitioned never occurred to them.
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27-10-2017, 10:26 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Oh Robby, can you tell me what book that was? I am looking for good books geared towards kids and parents.

And yes I agree, he didn't mean anything bad with it and that is why I didn't take it badly.

Also I think if I had kids, I'd just wait for them to come up with questions. Kids usually ask exactly as much as they can process so just waiting for them to notice something and then ask is the pace they actually need. Or if they are shy about asking, you can probably see in their behavior or in their facial expressions etc, that it should be addressed.

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30-10-2017, 03:38 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Whilst many are still just total spanners who don't think before they speak, a lot of people these days tend to say something then go "Oh god that sounded bad" and start doing the babbling to make sure nobody was offended or something lol. Some people genuinely mean it, as this is all new to them so to change ones way of thinking or even the vocabulary to match their thoughts can be difficult. Either way, good to see you're doing well on that front Smile

As you know, unfortunately a lot of people out there are still "in the dark" about this sort of thing, but good to see the with Transgender Awareness Week coming up, you can hopefully help on that as well Smile

Re kids: Transgender awareness hasn't come up yet with my daughter, but she's generally on board with anything as long as people are happy. Her latest thing was watching a movie with me, that involved two men sharing a kiss, which her instant reaction was "what? how can two men be kissing?" but after literally 5 seconds of me saying "two men can kiss...two women can kiss....its fine" she was like "Oh...fair enough" lol.

So kids can be very impressionable, and I find the easiest route is "this happens....it's fine" lol. I might go into further detail when she's older (she's 7) but right now all that'll help her on her way of understanding something that is different, in her eyes at least.

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30-10-2017, 02:35 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Kids are really easy with that because often they have not been destroyed by society yet.
So a simple "well they love each other" is enough and answers the question. Oddly enough, there are people out there that this kind of information is already too much to handle for a child while on the other hand they will expose them to graphic war imagery on the news. Not sure what's up with that logic but whatever, when I got a kid, I can do better I guess.

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31-10-2017, 04:32 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(30-10-2017 02:35 PM)Leerob Wrote:  Kids are really easy with that because often they have not been destroyed by society yet.
So a simple "well they love each other" is enough and answers the question. Oddly enough, there are people out there that this kind of information is already too much to handle for a child while on the other hand they will expose them to graphic war imagery on the news. Not sure what's up with that logic but whatever, when I got a kid, I can do better I guess.

Some things are difficult to explain to children, namely the reason why people do certain things, but in terms of stuff like sexuality/gender sterotypes and all that shebang, I find that sort of stuff very easy to answer. I want my daughter to grow up in a world where it's ok to be with the person you love (be it a man or a women) or to BE the person you really are, without anybody thinking otherwise. I know it's not going to apply externally to everybody, but I'd like to thing if when she's older and she has issue with boys or girls, or even that she's transgender, or anything really, I can be the person she talks to about it.

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31-10-2017, 07:02 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
(31-10-2017 04:32 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  Some things are difficult to explain to children, namely the reason why people do certain things, but in terms of stuff like sexuality/gender sterotypes and all that shebang, I find that sort of stuff very easy to answer. I want my daughter to grow up in a world where it's ok to be with the person you love (be it a man or a women) or to BE the person you really are, without anybody thinking otherwise. I know it's not going to apply externally to everybody, but I'd like to thing if when she's older and she has issue with boys or girls, or even that she's transgender, or anything really, I can be the person she talks to about it.
I wish I had a dad like that! (I am assuming you are a guy, please correct me if I'm wrong)
I think you are right though. Although I never had a problem explaining anything to children no matter what age. I guess it just depends on the age and how we, as "adults", deliver things. But kids are usually smarter than most adults would expect them to. Never underestimate even the youngest kid's intellect. They are sponges.

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01-11-2017, 04:26 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(31-10-2017 07:02 PM)Leerob Wrote:  I wish I had a dad like that! (I am assuming you are a guy, please correct me if I'm wrong)
I think you are right though. Although I never had a problem explaining anything to children no matter what age. I guess it just depends on the age and how we, as "adults", deliver things. But kids are usually smarter than most adults would expect them to. Never underestimate even the youngest kid's intellect. They are sponges.

I am a guy Laugh out load

Aye, kids are smart. The are sponges, as you've said, as they are forever learning. I've thought this way for a while, so I've always spoken "properly" to her, no baby talk when she was a baby for example.

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01-11-2017, 12:07 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
(27-10-2017 10:26 AM)Leerob Wrote:  Oh Robby, can you tell me what book that was? I am looking for good books geared towards kids and parents.addressed.

Sorry I missed this.

I am Jazz by Jessica Herthel and Jazz Jennings.

There's another good one that isn't explicitly about the topic, but it's pretty spot on: Red: A Crayon's Story by Michael Hall.

That one is about a blue crayon in a red wrapper, and all of the adult crayons keep trying to get him to draw red things (fire trucks, strawberries, etc), but, of course, everything comes out blue. All of the adults mutter amongst themselves about how he'll eventually get it, or they always knew something was wrong. One day a purple crayon asks him to draw a blue ocean for her boat. He says he cannot because he's red and she asks him to try. Once he realizes he's great at drawing blue things, he stops being depressed and does what he feels he was meant to do.
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01-11-2017, 01:45 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
(01-11-2017 04:26 AM)OakTree500 Wrote:  
(31-10-2017 07:02 PM)Leerob Wrote:  I wish I had a dad like that! (I am assuming you are a guy, please correct me if I'm wrong)
I think you are right though. Although I never had a problem explaining anything to children no matter what age. I guess it just depends on the age and how we, as "adults", deliver things. But kids are usually smarter than most adults would expect them to. Never underestimate even the youngest kid's intellect. They are sponges.

I am a guy Laugh out load

Aye, kids are smart. The are sponges, as you've said, as they are forever learning. I've thought this way for a while, so I've always spoken "properly" to her, no baby talk when she was a baby for example.

Yea my mom never did baby talk with my brothers and me either. And when I was working in childcare, I wasn't doing baby talk with the kids either. No reason, they are perfectly able to understand normal speech and it is better for their cognitive development.

Robby thanks! I will check out the two books.

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