So I am transitioning
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30-07-2017, 02:32 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
In the UK if you want to change your name you can go off to a solicitor's (lawyer's) office, slip them a couple of notes and sign a statutory declaration that you printed out while they witness it. Then scan it and inform your bank, insurance companies etc.

Except in Scotland where you just inform everyone of your new name without bothering to do a statutory declaration. Which was difficult when my husband and I decided to get married in Germany because my husband had changed his surname and there was no documentation. The Germans could not make sense of it because there was no paper trail.

Even twenty years ago changing your gender marker on your passport was really easy if you were living full time. You just asked for it and sent off a doctor's letter. It was only the birth certificate that was recently allowed to be altered but whenever you get asked for a birth certificate you'll find a passport is also accepted.
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30-07-2017, 07:21 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
I just realized something.
I always knew that from my character and a lot of physical traits I got from my father.
So I might actually look very similar to him once my transition is a success. That will be interesting.

Also I thought about my mom again. I think i want to tell her on a messenger. My visit is in a few months and I feel that a letter or email is not personal enough and calling is too expensive for both of us. Also in chat it is an actual conversation where she can say something or ask something in real time. I think that's important.
I would think that she will be shocked at first. But once she realizes that she is not losing a child, just a daughter that will be her son (her 3rd son) I think she will be fine. I hope. And I'll share all the steps and advancements with her as well.

I did come out to two of my good friends and they were very accepting and it was no big deal. They asked me my name and how I would like to be referred to etc. Just the exactly right questions. And then we continued with other topics that we had been talking about. So that is great.
Just the stress of telling people... I can't really do more than two every few days because I feel like, even if they are accepting and cool about it, i kinda takes a lot for me to do this. I have a few more friends (and my mom and brother) to tell and then I will just make a facebook post for the rest - the not so close friends.

After that, the doctor. Then explaining the process in more depth to my husband, so he knows what the next steps will be.
Husband wise, I had him look at haircuts with me. I promised him he will be part of every step and I stick to that. He liked the longer cuts (of the short cuts that i showed him) so i will try to find some middle ground when I go to the hair salon.
At the moment, husband wise, I am just dropping small details about the future, here and there. No big drama. Just mentions when it fits what we are talking about anyway. I am trying to have whatever I say actually fit the situation in that moment. So bit by bit he will know things.
I will be talking more details to him once I know more after the doctor's appointment.
So then I will have an actual time line etc.

A friend of mine recently asked me how I am (I haven't come out to her yet) and I wasn't even sure how to answer that. Lately I feel a bit like I am dangling in mid air. Scared, anxious, excited, stressed, ... I am not sleeping much, spend most of my free time researching stuff or watching FtM Vlogs or worrying.
More and more I wonder how some people think that transition is the easy way out. It is all but easy and I wouldn't do it if I didn't have to. It's a fuck ton of shit to do, think of, and be scared of. I had to start a diary with all kinds of lists and time lines and names and addresses, etc, just because it is not possible to keep it all in mind.

My therapist said something interesting and I never looked at it that way. He was asking how I felt now that I am starting my transition. And i wasn't sure how to describe my emotions because I am not good at that.
He said he imagines my life so far like walking on the beach with a truck tyre tied to you. And as you walk, the tyre fills up with sand and gets heavier. And now maybe the rope snapped or the tyre has a puncture hole so it is getting easier again.
I think that describes it very well.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
- Wotsefack?! -
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30-07-2017, 03:14 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
I haven't thought about this in years. A fellow student while I was in college decided it was time to tell her parents she wanted to become a man. She went home on a break and opened the discussion by saying "Remember when you were pregnant with me and people asked if you wanted a boy or a girl and you said it didn't matter as long as it was healthy and happy? I hope you really meant that..."

Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?
"Life is not all lovely thorns and singing vultures, you know." ~ Morticia Addams
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31-07-2017, 04:50 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
My Monday is way too stressful!
I have never been shaking from stress. Today I did. It should get better throughout the day today though because the biggest stress has been dealt with.

So I spoke to both my manager and my HR person at work about the transition and so on.
Both were very open, supportive, and trying to help with everything.
They didn't ask uncomfortable things etc.
So work time line:
* Before my holiday, tell my immediate team.
* End of August I am having some holiday.
* After holiday, things like email and so on, changed to Rob, announce to everybody else in the company, with brief explanation.
* Stay open for questions etc.
* Shit my pants because I am so nervous

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
- Wotsefack?! -
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31-07-2017, 08:04 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(29-07-2017 08:18 PM)outtathereligioncloset Wrote:  Apparently changing gender marker is a whole hell of a lot easier in Ireland than in the US. I know someone here whose college-age son became her daughter. Went to hell and back with the process of changing birth certificate and gender ID with their health insurance company. Especially the health insurance company. Funding for transition was all out of pocket. They were just trying to get the insurance company to acknowledge/continue to insure daughter instead of son. The same human being they had been insuring since birth.

It's a procedural nightmare lol. I'll describe the process (which varies by state in the US) for Florida.

The first step was getting a letter from my therapist and my physician stating that I was undergoing medical steps to carry out my transition, which also states how long they had been treating me.

The second step was going to the local courthouse to file for a legal name change. Then from there, I took some paperwork to a local sheriff's office to get my finger prints taken. Then I had to wait a couple of weeks while my paperwork was processed and I had to bring back some additional paperwork to the courthouse, and finally await a judge's order. A judge was assigned to review the request and read the letters stating that I am transgender. It's a conservative area, so I was a bit worried, but since I know other trans women who had their name changed I was not overly worried. The judge's decision was mailed to me, and I had to bring that document back to the courthouse to have legal copies printed.

I took those judge's orders to the Social Security office to get my name changed on my Social Security card. They wouldn't change my gender, though, until I had a legal ID with my gender marker changed- i.e. driver's license or passport. My local DMV wouldn't change my name, though, until it was changed on my Social Security card- so that means at least 2 trips to the Social Security office.

Once I got my new card in the mail, I took it to the DMV and got a new license. They reviewed the doctor's letters and changed my name and marker. I got a new ID, and took it back to the Social Security office, where they changed my gender marker in the system.

Then I took all of my new IDs and paperwork and submitted an application for a passport renewal with a name and gender marker changed. Several weeks later, I got a new passport!

While waiting for the new passport, I got my info changed with my work, medical insurance, dental insurance, and a few other places. I still don't have it changed everywhere.

It's not easy, that's for sure lol.
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31-07-2017, 08:11 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(31-07-2017 04:50 AM)Leerob Wrote:  My Monday is way too stressful!
I have never been shaking from stress. Today I did. It should get better throughout the day today though because the biggest stress has been dealt with.

So I spoke to both my manager and my HR person at work about the transition and so on.
Both were very open, supportive, and trying to help with everything.
They didn't ask uncomfortable things etc.
So work time line:
* Before my holiday, tell my immediate team.
* End of August I am having some holiday.
* After holiday, things like email and so on, changed to Rob, announce to everybody else in the company, with brief explanation.
* Stay open for questions etc.
* Shit my pants because I am so nervous

You've got this, Rob. Thumbsup

You're doing great! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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31-07-2017, 08:17 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Tough for both you and your husband I send best wishes and good thoughts to you both.
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31-07-2017, 05:55 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Thanks Emma and adey67

I also just created a YouTube. I thought it's not just a good way to ramble a bit but also there aren't too many good FtM channels out there so I want to make one. Not saying it will be good but hoping so.
i wrote the first two scripts. I don't really feel comfortable in front of a camera yet, the way I look at the moment. But I will get a hair cut soon, and I want to buy a few nicer male clothes too. And at that point I will show in front of the camera. Until then I will use game play and just talk over the game play.

First I wanted to make the first video right away but then I didn't have the energy for it. My day was just too fucking stressful and my brain didn't work anymore.
So I will try to get the first video out tomorrow. maybe I can make it to a hair salon or whatever too, get ma hair done

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
- Wotsefack?! -
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31-07-2017, 06:35 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Good luck on your journey. One foot in front of the other.
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31-07-2017, 07:17 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Rob...sending lots of love and peace your way.

I'm happy to call you a friend.

Heart


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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