So I am transitioning
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02-08-2017, 10:17 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Today I also talked to the last two people that I needed to talk to.
My friend at work and my higher up manager.

My higher up manager already knew. Basically I gave my manager permission to talk to her higher up because she wanted to get some information and ressources for me that she wasn't sure about. So that was fine. We talked a little bit. She asked me how I am feeling. She helped me figure out how to speak to the team and also suggested how we can spread the news more organically to the whole site (at work). So we have a bi-weekly social thing we do at work in the morning. There is one the day before I go on vacation. So we will use that for me to tell the team.
And for the rest of the site i told her that I feel a bit weird making an email to everybody. I mean when we want to normalize a transition of an employee, the bad idea is to make it something not normal. So instead she will be talking to the leaders at work and they will kindly talk to their teams. I was very clear to her that I am always open for questions or whatever. So I think work-side is covered.

I spoke to my friend at work as well. In turn he came out to me as gay as well Big Grin I figured anyway he was gay but I don't usually care about people's romantic life unless they want to share. He told me some things too. So we talked a bit. And later he offered to help me with my beard when it starts growing heh.

Still haven't talked to my brother. But I am not sure how important it is, we barely talk ever anyway. Dunno.

My mom had a few questions a bit later on yesterday. She said she was nosy but I think it is ok for my mom to ask everything.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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03-08-2017, 06:20 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Wow I just realized.
My friend is visiting this weekend and I was out with him all evening. And my husband was kinda checking in with us at some point.
"You guys ok?"
Smile
He hasn't been addressing me as male so far at all (i think he hasn't even asked me my name yet). He has pretty much resisted to address the whole transition thing at all. But today he said "you guys"! plural. I am part of "you guys"
me = happy

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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03-08-2017, 09:07 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
For what it's worth, I like your husband. Coming back and cuddling after hearing such news speaks well of him, in my mind. And your mom ... that's so great.
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06-08-2017, 07:21 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
On Tuesday I am going to the doctor for the first time. And I am freaking the fuck out. I have no clue what the doctor needs from me to start on Testosterone and so on. On the site of the HSE it says that it depends on when the doctor is ready. Like how is that a measure. It does not state what the doctor needs to be ready. And I am sitting here like an asshole, worrying over it.
And why? Because I know of people who have been denied. One was literally told that he is not trans enough. And now, 6 years later, you wouldn't even think he ever had a girl's body. Honestly.
I freak out and don't know what to do. And I got the nervous shitsies again which is obviously TMI but I don't give a fuck. I just want to start on T, get my top surgery, and get on with life. Right now I am hanging somewhere in limbo. Standby mode doesn't feel good, I can say that much.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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06-08-2017, 08:15 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
hugs to you. There seems to be too much of that. You get ready and then life tosses in some serious lag so you can ponder and worry and second guess.
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06-08-2017, 01:53 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Thanks skyking

I talked to a few friends and uploaded my first actual vlog.
So I feel I vented enough and also got some input from my friends which helped me a lot.

Also I want to make a banner for my vlog channel but dunno what to put on it. What do people put on their vlog channel banners?

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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07-08-2017, 03:01 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Last night got to the "no mom, it's not a phase"-part. She didn't mean it badly or anything but last nights conversation was excruciating.
So she asked how I am doing with all this. I told her that I will see the doctor on Tuesday (tomorrow). And she asked if I will get a brain-scan and my hormones checked.
To explain the brain-scan mention, ok. In the beginning I explained to her the latest research and so on. And in the (to my knowledge) latest research, it is visible in side by side comparison brain scans that a transgender-male brain has more similarities with a cis-male brain than with a cis-female brain.
To explain the hormone mention. I also explained to her in the beginning that it seems like this whole transgender things starts during the imprint phase during pregnancy (very very early) and has to do with hormones. I didn't go into great detail about it but I mentioned it because that is what research has found so far and I don't want my mom to think I am a crazy nutcase. i want her to understand that this is a biological thing.

So I had to explain to her that it is unlikely that I will be brain scanned. And I didn't even answer the hormone thing because I am not a fetus, like ... what? Anyway.

Then she asked a bit about the process with the doctor and so on. She asked if maybe I am just having an identity crisis. I made sure not to explain to her that I have a 33 year identity crisis. But I did explain to her that it is not a phase because it would be a life long phase and then it's not just a phase anymore.

She did mention that she will have some issues to switch me, in her mind, to male. She mentioned that she always "had" so much in common with me and "connected" the best with me, etc. Yes past. Then she snapped herself out of it and re-affirmed that I am still the same person. So i think she has a bit of an inner battle. But she does want my best and said that too.

On a side-note. I also wrote to one of my brothers. Not sure what he will say. I signed that with "your ex-sister now-brother, ex-<birthname> now-robert" in the hopes to lighten the mood a bit right there. Will se if he says anything at all.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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07-08-2017, 08:43 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
I had to explain to my mom that I was not abused as a child, and that this is not a phase, also. I can imagine that it's quite a shock, and parents wonder/worry that they did something wrong.
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07-08-2017, 08:51 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
My brother asked me to skype tonight. And I don't know how to talk to him. I wrote him last night to come out to him as well. And now he wants to skype and I don't know what to say to him.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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07-08-2017, 09:46 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Please accept that for you, this is 33 years in. For mom, it is brand new. She has to ask herself if it is her "fault" in any way. It's a mom thing. At the very least she has to work through some guilt of her own that she didn't recognize it herself earlier. Did you ever give her any reason to suspect along the way or did you hide it well? She's maybe feeling some 20/20 hindsight or she may be completely blindsided. From the sound of her reactions, she only wants to be assured that this IS what will make you happy in the long run and not a giant, un-turn-back-able solution for now that you won't be happy with later. She clearly loves you unconditionally. No matter how old our children get, when they do something that HUGE, we are scared for them. From my outsider POV, all her questions sound intelligent and concerned for your safety and happiness. Please continue to reassure her that this is what you NEED. And please let her continue to ask questions. ANY questions, Questions even more nosy than mine. Cause you are, and always will be, her baby. And as backwards as it seems in this situation, continue to reassure her that you love her, the person that SHE is, and that THAT isn't going to change.

Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?
"Life is not all lovely thorns and singing vultures, you know." ~ Morticia Addams
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