So I am transitioning
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07-08-2017, 09:46 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
The same brother you mentioned above?

I'd say just be normal, and if he doesn't bring it up, talk to him about what you wrote and see if he has any questions.
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07-08-2017, 09:57 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Yes the same brother I mentioned before.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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07-08-2017, 10:45 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(07-08-2017 03:01 AM)Leerob Wrote:  Last night got to the "no mom, it's not a phase"-part. She didn't mean it badly or anything but last nights conversation was excruciating.
So she asked how I am doing with all this. I told her that I will see the doctor on Tuesday (tomorrow). And she asked if I will get a brain-scan and my hormones checked.
To explain the brain-scan mention, ok. In the beginning I explained to her the latest research and so on. And in the (to my knowledge) latest research, it is visible in side by side comparison brain scans that a transgender-male brain has more similarities with a cis-male brain than with a cis-female brain.
To explain the hormone mention. I also explained to her in the beginning that it seems like this whole transgender things starts during the imprint phase during pregnancy (very very early) and has to do with hormones. I didn't go into great detail about it but I mentioned it because that is what research has found so far and I don't want my mom to think I am a crazy nutcase. i want her to understand that this is a biological thing.

So I had to explain to her that it is unlikely that I will be brain scanned. And I didn't even answer the hormone thing because I am not a fetus, like ... what? Anyway.

Then she asked a bit about the process with the doctor and so on. She asked if maybe I am just having an identity crisis. I made sure not to explain to her that I have a 33 year identity crisis. But I did explain to her that it is not a phase because it would be a life long phase and then it's not just a phase anymore.

She did mention that she will have some issues to switch me, in her mind, to male. She mentioned that she always "had" so much in common with me and "connected" the best with me, etc. Yes past. Then she snapped herself out of it and re-affirmed that I am still the same person. So i think she has a bit of an inner battle. But she does want my best and said that too.

On a side-note. I also wrote to one of my brothers. Not sure what he will say. I signed that with "your ex-sister now-brother, ex-<birthname> now-robert" in the hopes to lighten the mood a bit right there. Will se if he says anything at all.

I must tell you that both my husband and I thought the same thing, that it was "just a phase". This is a common reaction. But there's a reason parents often think this. We see our kids go from one phase to another as they grow up. I can tell you that every year I saw my kids get hyper interested in something that the next year was passe`. Watching someone go from babyhood on up to adulthood is really seeing one phase morph into another phase. So this is the view from your mothers angle. This is her experience with you.

About a week after my daughter told me, I too thought that she should have a brain scan and her hormones checked. Another common reaction. Give it time. It might take your mother several years to adjust. Remember that for 33 years you were her daughter and she's going to have a hard time letting go of this memory. For her this year will have a AD-BC time seperation.....Before you told her and After you told her.

Of course it will sort of be the same for you too. A seperation of the time in your life when you were miserable and then After you accepted yourself and became true to yourself.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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07-08-2017, 12:53 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Thanks D42. it really helps to get the explanation from a parent's view as well!

Also I skyped with my brother now. He is cool. He asked a few things here and there. Nothing bad. I explained to him as well the latest research on this and so on. He isn't very educated so the science things didn't really connect properly. But over all he is acting normal. he asked me how long I have felt that way. He recalled a few memories that he thought were confirmation of me being a girl / woman. Like times of me talking about sex with guys or the profession I studied or that I used to sing in choirs. I explained that none of these things are exclusively for women Big Grin I think he understood that just fine.

So yea. I would say so far I can say I am lucky with the family and friends I have. Everybody has been at least accepting. Most people are very supportive.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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07-08-2017, 01:15 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
I'm glad to hear of the support that you're getting. I wish you the best!Smile

" That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence." - Christopher Hitchens
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08-08-2017, 04:11 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Ok today was so fucking stressfull with work and all.
So I am the only one in my timezone on my language market at the moment.
But also I had my first doctor's appointment for the transition today.
So I left at lunch time and got back to work after 3pm.
Then I got this huge adhoc thing to do that took me 3 hours to complete but it was urgent so I had to do it now now.
Then I went to TENI to bring my clothes donation there.
Then I walked - with my really sick lungs - about 2km to the bus.
Then I sat at home and worked for another hour on the big adhoc thing.
Then I made the new vlog for my transition channel.
And now I am catching up with an old I got back in touch with.

So about the doctor (short version, and if you want you can watch my video with the long version)
* Doctor was very nice and kind and I freaked out for no good reason.
* Asked me about medical history
* Asked me about trans things during childhood / growing up etc
* Asked about my marriage
* Asked about my work, therapy, educational level, etc
* Explained further steps (blood test, referral to gender identity clinic and psychiatrist)

Video




"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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09-08-2017, 10:43 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
Good video! Don't forget to update the description box with the TENI link you promised! Wink
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09-08-2017, 11:56 AM
RE: So I am transitioning
(09-08-2017 10:43 AM)Emma Wrote:  Good video! Don't forget to update the description box with the TENI link you promised! Wink

Thanks Emma, totally forgot. I put the link there now
And also here http://www.teni.ie

Also Today I feel really good. i mean I am exhausted from work because I have been Training new hires for hours. But other than that I feel really good because my mom. today for the first time in my life, my mom was behaving like a mom. It's really moving.
She told me that she is planning to move to a bigger apartment and told me that this will also be good for me because then everybody will know me there by Robert right away as opposed to where she lives right now and everybody will call me by my birth name.
Thing is I don't give a fuck if people there call me by that name. I am never there, what do I care. I don't feel like I have to come out to my mom's neighborhood when i am only there like once every 5 years.
But it was a kind thought. And also she asked if I am sure about this and so on. I explained to her how my mental health has already improved since I made this decision and the first steps (coming out, doctor). I explained to her how I am much less depressed, that my anxiety has gone down, and I finally sleep through the night.
And then she said:
"So go the way that is good for you and heal."
I almost lost it just reading that. (we are talking on messenger)
I mean it is usually hard for me to cry... like physically - or I would have cried. But it was very moving! It is literally the first time in my life that she said something motherly to me.

She always tried to be a good mom before. But she wasn't by a long shot a good mom. Maybe my transition will also help mend that relationship a bit. I don't expect miracles but I think when I feel like me, things will be easier.

Also yesterday when I was at TENI they actually said "Rob" to me! Smile That felt really good! Just to be respected this way feels great!

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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09-08-2017, 12:15 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
Aww, that is awesome, I'm glad you're mother is being thoughtful! That makes me smile! Smile

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09-08-2017, 01:47 PM
RE: So I am transitioning
(08-08-2017 04:11 PM)Leerob Wrote:  Ok today was so fucking stressfull with work and all.
So I am the only one in my timezone on my language market at the moment.
But also I had my first doctor's appointment for the transition today.
So I left at lunch time and got back to work after 3pm.
Then I got this huge adhoc thing to do that took me 3 hours to complete but it was urgent so I had to do it now now.
Then I went to TENI to bring my clothes donation there.
Then I walked - with my really sick lungs - about 2km to the bus.
Then I sat at home and worked for another hour on the big adhoc thing.
Then I made the new vlog for my transition channel.
And now I am catching up with an old I got back in touch with.

So about the doctor (short version, and if you want you can watch my video with the long version)
* Doctor was very nice and kind and I freaked out for no good reason.
* Asked me about medical history
* Asked me about trans things during childhood / growing up etc
* Asked about my marriage
* Asked about my work, therapy, educational level, etc
* Explained further steps (blood test, referral to gender identity clinic and psychiatrist)

Video




You have a wonderful accent! It's just beautiful. Nice vlog. It's great that you're very detailed describing the process you're going through.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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