So I went to a church today
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10-02-2014, 02:38 PM
RE: So I went to a church today
Pretty much the only times I've been in a church in the last decade has been for weddings or funerals, two of which stand out in my mind. All of them had a boring religious component, but most of them kept the overall focus on the person/people being honored.

First, my sister's Wedding. She and her husband went to Bob Jones University. If you're familiar with that school, your eyes are already rolling.

The ceremony schedule was:
Sermon by associate minister - all about hell and how you're going there.
Scripture reading ~ 30 min (most had nothing to do with marriage)
Sermon by Head Minister - How you can go to Heaven too!
Hymns - 5 or 6 of them
More scripture reading
Actual Ceremony - 15 min of blah blah, gods word, blah blah
ANOTHER Sermon about how you're going to hell and how to avoid it. (with a call to be baptised right then and there)
Communion
Prayers by 4 different people.
At the reception, in lieu of dancing and music, they had another sermon and a "testimonials" portion where people told their story of salvation.

Censored

The funeral that stands out was for someone who committed suicide. The emotional storm that comes from a suicide is NOT helped when the pastor called to comfort the family tells everyone that he's in Hell because he killed himself. Then, procedes to use the funeral as a way to make sure that everyone there knows this fact and spends 3/4 of the funeral telling people that if they don't repent they'll end up just like the dead guy. It is the only funeral I have ever walked out of, if I had a bat, I'd have put a second corpse into the ground that day.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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10-02-2014, 02:47 PM
RE: So I went to a church today
(10-02-2014 02:38 PM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  Pretty much the only times I've been in a church in the last decade has been for weddings or funerals, two of which stand out in my mind. All of them had a boring religious component, but most of them kept the overall focus on the person/people being honored.

First, my sister's Wedding. She and her husband went to Bob Jones University. If you're familiar with that school, your eyes are already rolling.

The ceremony schedule was:
Sermon by associate minister - all about hell and how you're going there.
Scripture reading ~ 30 min (most had nothing to do with marriage)
Sermon by Head Minister - How you can go to Heaven too!
Hymns - 5 or 6 of them
More scripture reading
Actual Ceremony - 15 min of blah blah, gods word, blah blah
ANOTHER Sermon about how you're going to hell and how to avoid it. (with a call to be baptised right then and there)
Communion
Prayers by 4 different people.
At the reception, in lieu of dancing and music, they had another sermon and a "testimonials" portion where people told their story of salvation.

Censored

The funeral that stands out was for someone who committed suicide. The emotional storm that comes from a suicide is NOT helped when the pastor called to comfort the family tells everyone that he's in Hell because he killed himself. Then, procedes to use the funeral as a way to make sure that everyone there knows this fact and spends 3/4 of the funeral telling people that if they don't repent they'll end up just like the dead guy. It is the only funeral I have ever walked out of, if I had a bat, I'd have put a second corpse into the ground that day.

Holy Shitballs! I have just been checking out the Uni! Do places like that actually exist? That is mental. I have never seen anything like it.
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10-02-2014, 02:56 PM
RE: So I went to a church today
(10-02-2014 02:47 PM)Pippen Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 02:38 PM)itsnotmeitsyou Wrote:  Pretty much the only times I've been in a church in the last decade has been for weddings or funerals, two of which stand out in my mind. All of them had a boring religious component, but most of them kept the overall focus on the person/people being honored.

First, my sister's Wedding. She and her husband went to Bob Jones University. If you're familiar with that school, your eyes are already rolling.

The ceremony schedule was:
Sermon by associate minister - all about hell and how you're going there.
Scripture reading ~ 30 min (most had nothing to do with marriage)
Sermon by Head Minister - How you can go to Heaven too!
Hymns - 5 or 6 of them
More scripture reading
Actual Ceremony - 15 min of blah blah, gods word, blah blah
ANOTHER Sermon about how you're going to hell and how to avoid it. (with a call to be baptised right then and there)
Communion
Prayers by 4 different people.
At the reception, in lieu of dancing and music, they had another sermon and a "testimonials" portion where people told their story of salvation.

Censored

The funeral that stands out was for someone who committed suicide. The emotional storm that comes from a suicide is NOT helped when the pastor called to comfort the family tells everyone that he's in Hell because he killed himself. Then, procedes to use the funeral as a way to make sure that everyone there knows this fact and spends 3/4 of the funeral telling people that if they don't repent they'll end up just like the dead guy. It is the only funeral I have ever walked out of, if I had a bat, I'd have put a second corpse into the ground that day.

Holy Shitballs! I have just been checking out the Uni! Do places like that actually exist? That is mental. I have never seen anything like it.

Aye, they sadly do exist. Perhaps even more sad is the fact that some people go there and submit to the insane rules ON PURPOSE.

While she was there, my sister had one friend kicked out because she got caught smooching her fiance. Not a makeout session, just a small peck on the lips. BOOTED. She had another friend get kicked out because she left the campus without letting anyone know and went to watch a movie that was not approved by the college. (I believe it was Titanic) My sister was almost kicked out for listening to Christian Contemporary Music because "it is pleasurable to the flesh and therefore of the devil" (I wish I were making this up)

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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10-02-2014, 03:08 PM
RE: So I went to a church today
OMG! Check out their 4th year Science Education course. 11 courses and only 2 science based classes. Man alive. How is this place allowed to remain open?

I skim read their student handbook and even the fucking Taliban were a bit more lenient.
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10-02-2014, 03:42 PM
RE: So I went to a church today
(10-02-2014 03:08 PM)Pippen Wrote:  OMG! Check out their 4th year Science Education course. 11 courses and only 2 science based classes. Man alive. How is this place allowed to remain open?

I skim read their student handbook and even the fucking Taliban were a bit more lenient.


For starters, they're not accredited and are 100% privately funded. They are quite open about the reason for this. It's because they don't want to have to conform to any sort of standards for education that are set up by secular society. They also used this to avoid discrimination laws somehow.

Up until recently, interracial couples were not allowed. Dating someone outside your race could get you kicked out. How fucked up is that?
(I made the joke a few times "Yeah, I don't approve of dating outside your race, humans should only date other humans.")

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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10-02-2014, 04:47 PM
RE: So I went to a church today
When i was seventeen i went to the funeral of a friend (actually he annoyed the crap out of me but we had classes together) and it was one of the catholic, stand up, sit down, latin jobs.

The whole thing was unintelligible, totally irrelevant to the guy's miserable little life, and the fact that he killed himself surely meant that either he was going to hell or he didn't believe in this crap anyway.

It's really creepy.

"While religions tell us next to nothing useful or true about the universe, they do tell us an enormous amount - perhaps an embarrassing amount - about ourselves, about what we value, fear and lust after." Iain M Banks
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10-02-2014, 05:47 PM
RE: So I went to a church today
(10-02-2014 02:19 PM)Pippen Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 12:29 AM)CleverUsername Wrote:  Or, try sitting through a stations of the cross sometime.

What is a 'stations of the cross'?

Stations of the Cross: a meditation on the passion and death of Jesus. Most Catholic churches will have the 14 stations (events) depicted along one of the walls. A priest will stop briefly at each station, say some prayers, the people respond, maybe there's a little singing, and then on to the next station. The whole thing takes about half an hour, and is really no more boring to sit through than a Mass, and usually shorter than a Mass. They typically do this only during Lent (which starts 40 days before Easter (not counting Sundays) and ends on Easter). The funny thing is that some of the stations depict events (e.g., "Veronica wipes the face of Jesus") that are not found in any of the Gospels.

If you want more detail, just google "stations of the cross".
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10-02-2014, 06:06 PM
RE: So I went to a church today
Quote:but his key talent was directing people to the hall to get a cup of tea and some sandwiches.

How much were they charging for the tea and sandwiches?

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10-02-2014, 06:20 PM (This post was last modified: 10-02-2014 06:24 PM by CleverUsername.)
RE: So I went to a church today
(10-02-2014 02:19 PM)Pippen Wrote:  Do they really make you sit through church and then do Sunday School? That is a bit bloody much.

It added up to like 2 hours and 15 minutes. And it prevented all the kids and teachers from getting to the free doughnuts.

(10-02-2014 05:47 PM)Grasshopper Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 02:19 PM)Pippen Wrote:  What is a 'stations of the cross'?

Stations of the Cross: a meditation on the passion and death of Jesus. Most Catholic churches will have the 14 stations (events) depicted along one of the walls. A priest will stop briefly at each station, say some prayers, the people respond, maybe there's a little singing, and then on to the next station. The whole thing takes about half an hour, and is really no more boring to sit through than a Mass, and usually shorter than a Mass.

Is that what it's supposed to be? At my former school and church they acted out every station.
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10-02-2014, 08:31 PM
RE: So I went to a church today
(10-02-2014 06:20 PM)CleverUsername Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 02:19 PM)Pippen Wrote:  Do they really make you sit through church and then do Sunday School? That is a bit bloody much.

It added up to like 2 hours and 15 minutes. And it prevented all the kids and teachers from getting to the free doughnuts.

(10-02-2014 05:47 PM)Grasshopper Wrote:  Stations of the Cross: a meditation on the passion and death of Jesus. Most Catholic churches will have the 14 stations (events) depicted along one of the walls. A priest will stop briefly at each station, say some prayers, the people respond, maybe there's a little singing, and then on to the next station. The whole thing takes about half an hour, and is really no more boring to sit through than a Mass, and usually shorter than a Mass.

Is that what it's supposed to be? At my former school and church they acted out every station.

That is outrageous. Poor bloody kids. If boring them to death doesn't work try starving them as well.
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