So daddy had a melt down last night
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21-09-2014, 08:49 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
Your wife may not have realized how damaging her behaviour was. Give her a little time to think about it. If you've never expressed your feelings before she was possibly feeling like you weren't listening or didn't care. That's a woman thing. My sis left her husband for the same reasons. All she wanted was an apology for all his fits of bad temper. They got back together. She didn't get the apology, she got a car. That's a man thing.
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25-09-2014, 06:31 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
(21-09-2014 08:49 AM)Takelababy Wrote:  Your wife may not have realized how damaging her behaviour was. Give her a little time to think about it. If you've never expressed your feelings before she was possibly feeling like you weren't listening or didn't care. That's a woman thing. My sis left her husband for the same reasons. All she wanted was an apology for all his fits of bad temper. They got back together. She didn't get the apology, she got a car. That's a man thing.

We have talked about this before. The results usually stick around for a week or so. I am really not interested in an apology. I want her to understand what she is doing to me and the kids and stop doing it. Most of the time I do not think she cares. Last night she pitched a hissy fit because our son was eating a bag of M&M's at 8:30. She snap at him and I, stormed out the room and slammed the door. And she wonders why I have withdrawn. It does not take me doing much for her to snap at me like that.

I use to be the picture of a doting husband. After a few years of getting snapped at and being told I am doing just about everything wrong, I just lost the desire to dote on her.
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25-09-2014, 06:59 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
(18-09-2014 06:45 AM)wazzel Wrote:  Yup, I crashed mentally last night.

Back data. Last week my wife was having a tough time with one of our kids. She told me she was on the verge of another breakdown. She has had lots in our marriage and the last one just about destroyed me emotionally. So having that over my head had been eating at me ever since. I have no idea what it was, but something during dinner snapped and I had to go outside to be alone. Eventually she came out and I dumped on her. I did not yell or anything.

It is final dawning on me how emotionally damaged I am. All of her threats to leave, threats to take the kids, the fall out from the meltdowns, the temper tantrums, etc have cause me to retreat into a shell to protect myself. I am not strong emotionally, so these things hurt me extremely bad. Being far from perfect I do not expect to be argument free, but the things I have done have never warranted those kind of reactions. I told my wife all these things. Told her I was not going to let her hurt me again. It sucks because I have to keep myself safe, and that means I do not get to feel much. I really do not know if I will ever be able to trust her with my emotions.

The discussion actually went well. I think this is the first time we ever discussed something that did not degrade to a fight. Where it goes from here I have no idea.

Thanks for listening.

Hug

I would like to suggest to you that maybe was a VERY positive thing to happen. To me, it sounds like you're slowing growing, and coming to a better place, and the "old" is on the way out. The fact you took time out, were ok with being honest, and letting out with your honest views says good really things are happening to your self-esteem, and understanding of yourself. When people blow up and try to deeply shame others, I always think they're saying more about their own "bad place" and guilt and "screwed-up-ness" than they are about the person they're shaming.

Insufferable know-it-all.Einstein God has a plan for us. Please stop screwing it up with your prayers.
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25-09-2014, 07:00 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
And that there, Ladies and Gentlemen, is a whole forest of red flags.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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25-09-2014, 09:14 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
(25-09-2014 06:31 AM)wazzel Wrote:  She snap at him and I, stormed out the room and slammed the door.

That sounds like she was fleeing the scene. So it looks like she is having as many issues with it all as you do, but is worse at suppressing her anger. She didn't get upset at the M&Ms, she got upset because she felt powerless to fix things (the M&Ms being one small part of it).

You guys need to meet with a third, impartial party and sort this.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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25-09-2014, 09:23 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
(25-09-2014 09:14 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(25-09-2014 06:31 AM)wazzel Wrote:  She snap at him and I, stormed out the room and slammed the door.

That sounds like she was fleeing the scene. So it looks like she is having as many issues with it all as you do, but is worse at suppressing her anger. She didn't get upset at the M&Ms, she got upset because she felt powerless to fix things (the M&Ms being one small part of it).

You guys need to meet with a third, impartial party and sort this.

After being married to her for almost 17 years I strongly suspect it was only about the M&M's. She has a history of excessive reactions to things that are not going the way she thinks they should go. She almost blew a gasket this morning because one of the girls left something on the table over night. This is not a new behavior from her because I confronted her on something.
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25-09-2014, 10:08 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
I think your wife is bi polar or a depression sufferer. She needs medical attention.
Dont wait for it to get worse. Get help or get divorced.
Nothing worse than years piled on years of unhappiness..... For you both.
Sometimes people should just not be married to one another.

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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25-09-2014, 10:22 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
(25-09-2014 09:23 AM)wazzel Wrote:  
(25-09-2014 09:14 AM)Dom Wrote:  That sounds like she was fleeing the scene. So it looks like she is having as many issues with it all as you do, but is worse at suppressing her anger. She didn't get upset at the M&Ms, she got upset because she felt powerless to fix things (the M&Ms being one small part of it).

You guys need to meet with a third, impartial party and sort this.

After being married to her for almost 17 years I strongly suspect it was only about the M&M's. She has a history of excessive reactions to things that are not going the way she thinks they should go. She almost blew a gasket this morning because one of the girls left something on the table over night. This is not a new behavior from her because I confronted her on something.

If she has a history of it there has been something wrong for a long time.

People always blow up or fight about small, unimportant things when there is a major issue they do not want to address.

Bottled up emotions escape one way or another, they need to be released for mental health. So it is often safer to release them with unrelated, small shit.

Which is why you have divorces over squeezing the tooth paste or hanging the toilet paper the wrong way...

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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25-09-2014, 10:24 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
(25-09-2014 10:08 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  I think your wife is bi polar or a depression sufferer. She needs medical attention.
Dont wait for it to get worse. Get help or get divorced.
Nothing worse than years piled on years of unhappiness..... For you both.
Sometimes people should just not be married to one another.
My armchair therapist opinion is BPD. She is seeing someone, I think. I know she was not so long ago and she was on meds. That could have all changed, she does not keep me updated. If I ask I get accused of not trusting her, if I snoop to find out it is much worse. Two previous times she saw someone she did not tell me. Both of them put her on mood altering meds and she did not tell me. I figured it out, because the meds made her meaner than normal. The only reason she is (maybe) seeing someone now is I threatened to throw her out after she woke up my oldest in the middle of the night to pick a fight with her. It was get your act together or get out. The fight woke me up, which means it was loud since I sleep like a dead man. She has a habit of keeping things from me, it is worrying.
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25-09-2014, 10:26 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
(25-09-2014 10:22 AM)Dom Wrote:  
(25-09-2014 09:23 AM)wazzel Wrote:  After being married to her for almost 17 years I strongly suspect it was only about the M&M's. She has a history of excessive reactions to things that are not going the way she thinks they should go. She almost blew a gasket this morning because one of the girls left something on the table over night. This is not a new behavior from her because I confronted her on something.

If she has a history of it there has been something wrong for a long time.

People always blow up or fight about small, unimportant things when there is a major issue they do not want to address.

Bottled up emotions escape one way or another, they need to be released for mental health. So it is often safer to release them with unrelated, small shit.

Which is why you have divorces over squeezing the tooth paste or hanging the toilet paper the wrong way...

While what you say is true, some people use their temper to get their way when they know the other person will back down. I don't fight.
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