So daddy had a melt down last night
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13-10-2014, 12:13 PM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
Seek legal advice. Don't be the one to leave as it would be difficult to get back in if you do. See what steps need to be taken to get her out of the house and leave you and the kids there so as not to upset their lives more than they already have been.

If you leave, it can be seen as abandonment and used to her advantage.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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15-10-2014, 10:47 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
So we went to marriage therapy again today. I have no idea why I am agreeing to this. I am such a wimp.

I can see her trying to manipulate the situation to the therapist. It makes me so angry. She can lie to him and herself all she wants, but she can not lie to me. I know better after being married to her for 16+ years.

I have been trying to give the therapist back information and every time I talk about something really bad she justifies it with some version of "my feelings were hurt". It feels like such a stupid game I do not want to play. Every since I said "I do" I promised I would do everything I could to keep us together. Really I do not feel like this has a shot. Expecting someone to suddenly change after 16+ years is unrealistic.
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15-10-2014, 11:05 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
It's not that you're a wimp. It's that you actually believed what you repeated in those vows. Breaking them now is hard. And I think for some of us Blush, admitting things are beyond repair is admitting defeat - that you screwed up royally. That you're a Loser because you couldn't save your marriage.

Baloney!

There are things worth saving and things not worth saving, period. It doesn't sound as though this marriage is worth saving. You are getting no help and no cooperation in this venture. Time to put it out of your misery.

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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15-10-2014, 11:15 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
(15-10-2014 10:47 AM)wazzel Wrote:  So we went to marriage therapy again today. I have no idea why I am agreeing to this. I am such a wimp.

I can see her trying to manipulate the situation to the therapist. It makes me so angry. She can lie to him and herself all she wants, but she can not lie to me. I know better after being married to her for 16+ years.

I have been trying to give the therapist back information and every time I talk about something really bad she justifies it with some version of "my feelings were hurt". It feels like such a stupid game I do not want to play. Every since I said "I do" I promised I would do everything I could to keep us together. Really I do not feel like this has a shot. Expecting someone to suddenly change after 16+ years is unrealistic.

I t h ink when we love someone and we're married we make excuses for bad behavior including our own. And realism fibally hits us. Hard.
Then we must decide whats best for ourselves & our partner.
Our partners may NOT agree with our assessment and subsequent actions but w hats real CAN be hard!

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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15-10-2014, 11:18 AM (This post was last modified: 15-10-2014 11:22 AM by Bows and Arrows.)
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
Double post


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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15-10-2014, 11:20 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
My guess the reason you agreed to do it is because you really don't want a divorce, you want a happy marriage (like we all do), and you don't want all the turmoil of what a divorce means for all the members of your family. If there is any way to fix it, you are willing to do that. And you ARE doing that.

But there's the part of your brain that knows it's 'just going thru the motions' because in your gut, you know the future of this relationship.

In the end, you will know you did what you could to prevent the end of the marriage, but it had gone its course.

It's not because you are a wimp. It's because you really want a loving relationship, but this one isn't working for you.

Hug


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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15-10-2014, 11:35 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
Thanks again for letting me vent. No I really do not want a divorce, but I do not see how this marriage is going to get any better. We do not fight all the time, which my wife likes to point out, and did today. We don't fight because I am a pushover, not because things are great. I figured out what I needed to do to not get snapped at all the time. If I was less docile we would fight all the time. I pointed out our relationship is a lot like her parents. She is more than able to see the massive flaws in their relationship but can not see the same ones in ours.
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15-10-2014, 11:36 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
Will it look better on you having been to marriage therapy when and if you find yourself in a divorce court?
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15-10-2014, 11:40 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
(15-10-2014 11:36 AM)Mathilda Wrote:  Will it look better on you having been to marriage therapy when and if you find yourself in a divorce court?

I have no idea. As long as I refrain from any abusive activity I do not see where it would hurt. I have never laid a hand on her in anger, or thrown crap around the house or made any kind of violent threats, or etc. I have never cheated. The closest I have ever come to being unfaithful would be giving friends a hug and a peck on the cheek.
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16-10-2014, 07:52 AM
RE: So daddy had a melt down last night
Found out last night my wife had an ambush therapy session with our oldest. My daughter told me about it when she got home from band practice. My wife neglected to tell either our daughter or me about it before hand. Our daughter was supper surprised when it ended up being a group session. I asked my wife about it after the kids were in bed. She claims she told me. I have a fairly good memory so I find it hard to believe that she did and I forgot. Knowing how bad their relationship is I would have questioned if that was a good idea at this time, if I would have known. She did tell me she was picking up the oldest for a 1:00 appointment, but she has been having issues with her eyes so I figured it was about that.
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