Some men just want to watch the world burn
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13-12-2014, 06:24 PM
Some men just want to watch the world burn




My world is burning and I have no one to blame but myself.

Raise a glass of wine - here's to another five days in hell.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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13-12-2014, 06:43 PM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
[Image: gigan_hugs_megalon_by_drbuffalo-d6rucwe.jpg]

There I gave a hug. Again がんばってね.(that means good luck in japanese)

[Image: Guilmon-41189.gif] https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCOW_Ioi2wtuPa88FvBmnBgQ my youtube
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14-12-2014, 03:12 AM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
Nurse, are you still down because you hate your profession? If so, let me tell you something. I was a criminal defense lawyer for most of my 40 years in law practice and a natural adjunct to that was to defend doctors, lawyers, nurses, psychologists, etc in proceedings to take away their licenses. In my career, I represented more than 1500 lawyers and roughly 175 nurses.

The lawyers and nurses who came into my office saying they wanted out of their fucking profession, and maybe they should just walk away from their licenses, were the very best lawyers and nurses in the profession. Bad nurses and bad lawyers never seem to get burned out and I think it's because they don't really care about their professions. Good lawyers often get brain fried because of difficult clients and stupid judges. Nurses are often caught in the same box with patients and doctors. The medical malpractice lawyers will tell you that no doctor has ever made a mistake when there is a nurse nearby to take the blame. I suspect that you are a damned good nurse and you may need some time away from what you are doing but quitting it altogether would be a big loss for you personally and for your profession. I am sure you are an excellent nurse because your posts on this forum are always logical and easy to understand. You also have a very quick wit and you are certainly very intelligent.

Now, you can tell me to shut up and mind my own business but do not tell me that I don't know what I am talking about.
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14-12-2014, 04:11 AM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
(13-12-2014 06:24 PM)Nurse Wrote:  My world is burning and I have no one to blame but myself.

Raise a glass of wine - here's to another five days in hell.

Talk to us? Hug

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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14-12-2014, 10:56 AM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
I'm having a tough time. I just needed to vent and was being melodramatic, I guess. Black Eagle hit the nail on the head. The state investigator was such a bitch - and she knew damn well writing prescriptions is not in the scope of an RN. Fuck taking the fall for an MD - not my mistake, not my fucking problem.

Hate my job. Hate being gone. Hate the constant fighting with my husband. Hate the financial clusterfuck I'm in. Hate telling my son I won't see him for five days and him saying "but you were only here for two." Hate HR bureaucratic red tape. Hate that I missed my son's birthday. Hate that we used his gift card to pay for his birthday gift (parent of the year award goes to nurse) - the account was negative, and I'd just spent the week eating only oatmeal and coasted home on a 1/4 tank of gas. I hate that I have no idea how I'm going to pay for Christmas dinner (technically day after - cause ya know this nurse is working) much less a few toys from Santa, and all that my mother-in-law has offered is to make dessert. Hate that I got a ticket for an expired tag - and I can't pay for the tag or the ticket.

I've made such a mess of things.

I don't know what to do - quit my job and risk my acceptance to CRNA school, or quit my job and change careers. Or stay the course for my one year, so I can get my professional recommendation. Even if I get into school, it will mean more years away from my family, because my husband said he's not leaving until he retires. Obviously I can't quit anything right now, husband still has no paycheck. CRNA would provide financial security - something I haven't experienced in my adult life. If I thought I had the aptitude for it, I'd instead use my connections and go to law school (I've already tried to convince my husband to go). I like the idea of defending malpractice cases, but then I liked the idea of helping people through health care, and look where it's gotten me - broke and broken.

It's kinda fucked up that I sit in a million dollar house on my workdays eating oatmeal for breakfast and supper. I might have to strangle the landscape crew with the cords from their leaf blowers. At least I don't have to pay rent to be a house guest.

I'm so burned out.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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14-12-2014, 12:31 PM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
I don't really understand the first post, but I'm sorry to hear that you have such problems. Sad

I don't really know how I can help, if I can even say something to make you feel better, but you have my solidarity and support! Hug

孤独 - The Out Crowd
Life is a flash of light between two eternities of darkness.
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14-12-2014, 12:33 PM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
Thank you for venting on us. I suspect most of us have been where you are [I've been rich and I've been poor and I liked rich a whole lot more]. When I was a young lawyer, I borrowed money constantly to keep my family supported and, of course, it eventually reached the point where I couldn't borrow anymore. I was working 60-80 hours a week and not getting paid. I do not remember when things turned around for me [I think about 1986] but I vowed to never ever forget what it's like to be down and I haven't.

State investigators are always self-righteous bastards and bitches. It's easy to be judgmental when you never take any risks. And, trust me, I do know how MDs try to pass blame to nurses. I've seen it many times.

You say you have "made such a mess of things." That is bullshit; you haven't. You are also a goddamned good parent too. You talk enough about your son on this board that everybody can tell he is the focus of your life. [By the way, you once said that you might like living in Boston but you were afraid your son might get a Boston accent. My son teaches at Boston University and he moved his family there when my grandson was 4 years old. My grandson is now 9 years old and he doesn't have a Boston accent. Big Grin ]

Now would be a good time to quit abusing yourself. A lot of people on this board care about you. I am quite sure you haven't fucked anything up. You strike me as a very caring and intelligent person and you need to lighten up on yourself. Big Grin
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14-12-2014, 02:17 PM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
(14-12-2014 10:56 AM)Nurse Wrote:  I'm so burned out.

Sad We love you lots Heart You're amazing... cool... just... awesome. I couldn't begin to offer advice but... don't let your beautiful personality get ground down. Could you take some leave? Talk to your husband? Get some allies - you shouldn't shoulder this kind of burden alone.

We'll love you just the way you are
If you're perfect -- Alanis Morissette
(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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14-12-2014, 05:53 PM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
(14-12-2014 12:31 PM)The Polyglot Atheist Wrote:  I don't really understand the first post, but I'm sorry to hear that you have such problems. Sad

I don't really know how I can help, if I can even say something to make you feel better, but you have my solidarity and support! Hug

The title is a quote by Alfred in The Dark Knight about sociopaths, a personality type with which I'm well acquainted, I have several in my family. I just took a different spin on it, and related it to myself (I've went years with very little empathy - a coping mechanism from a really traumatic youth which btw makes trauma nursing much easier - and have trouble with distinguishing my own emotions - my husband has been a huge help).. I may have well have poured gasoline on myself and lit a match - I've torched my relationship by being gone all the time, and I don't really have any friends as I lost contact years ago due to work and family. That, and a lot of the problems I have with my job are the ethical conundrums I find myself in on a daily basis as a result of it being about $$$$$ for the surgeons and the hospital and government assholes that I have no idea what it takes to do my job. The ethics, or lack thereof, is something I haven't really shared much on this board.

The song pretty much embodies how I feel right now. Poetry puts words to feelings I don't always know how to explain. Think of the lyrics in terms of being a burned out nurse who has a lack of teamwork while fighting for the lives of some of the most critically ill patients in the region - heart transplants or those needing one, VADs with their complications, post arrests with induced hypothermia, etc. Driving through the mountains listening to that's song and past the homes of the 0.01% on the way to work struck a nerve. "Raise a glass of wine" - it's from the song - and I'm toasting to fucking up my life and all the poor decisions that have led me to a job I hate separated from my family, and this week it's for five days. And I just drank my last bottle of wine, it will be a while before I can afford another.

I would go to my MD for a referral, but he was in a plane crash recently, and now I need a new one. I'm not comfortable talking about needing meds and counseling with just anyone - I don't want to look like a drug seeker. Although here I am talking about needing meds...


All, thanks for the kind words.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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14-12-2014, 08:02 PM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
Sorry. I usually keep a tight lid on the crazy.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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