Some men just want to watch the world burn
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14-12-2014, 08:14 PM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
(14-12-2014 08:02 PM)Nurse Wrote:  Sorry. I usually keep a tight lid on the crazy.

Hug

Sorry you're going through this.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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14-12-2014, 08:25 PM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
(14-12-2014 05:53 PM)Nurse Wrote:  
(14-12-2014 12:31 PM)The Polyglot Atheist Wrote:  I don't really understand the first post, but I'm sorry to hear that you have such problems. Sad

I don't really know how I can help, if I can even say something to make you feel better, but you have my solidarity and support! Hug

The title is a quote by Alfred in The Dark Knight about sociopaths, a personality type with which I'm well acquainted, I have several in my family. I just took a different spin on it, and related it to myself (I've went years with very little empathy - a coping mechanism from a really traumatic youth which btw makes trauma nursing much easier - and have trouble with distinguishing my own emotions - my husband has been a huge help).. I may have well have poured gasoline on myself and lit a match - I've torched my relationship by being gone all the time, and I don't really have any friends as I lost contact years ago due to work and family. That, and a lot of the problems I have with my job are the ethical conundrums I find myself in on a daily basis as a result of it being about $$$$$ for the surgeons and the hospital and government assholes that I have no idea what it takes to do my job. The ethics, or lack thereof, is something I haven't really shared much on this board.

The song pretty much embodies how I feel right now. Poetry puts words to feelings I don't always know how to explain. Think of the lyrics in terms of being a burned out nurse who has a lack of teamwork while fighting for the lives of some of the most critically ill patients in the region - heart transplants or those needing one, VADs with their complications, post arrests with induced hypothermia, etc. Driving through the mountains listening to that's song and past the homes of the 0.01% on the way to work struck a nerve. "Raise a glass of wine" - it's from the song - and I'm toasting to fucking up my life and all the poor decisions that have led me to a job I hate separated from my family, and this week it's for five days. And I just drank my last bottle of wine, it will be a while before I can afford another.

I would go to my MD for a referral, but he was in a plane crash recently, and now I need a new one. I'm not comfortable talking about needing meds and counseling with just anyone - I don't want to look like a drug seeker. Although here I am talking about needing meds...


All, thanks for the kind words.

I can really relate to what you said about not being able to distinguish your emotions.
Unless it's glaringly obvious, I won't notice how I feel.
I hope you can get through this soon. You're a good person, remember that.
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14-12-2014, 08:27 PM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
(14-12-2014 08:02 PM)Nurse Wrote:  Sorry. I usually keep a tight lid on the crazy.

You don't have to do that. Being crazy at times is a fundamental right and it's the only way we can get through dark periods in our lives. We all have dark times.
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14-12-2014, 10:01 PM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
I have no words of wisdom, but I'm sorry you're in this spot. You seem like a wonderful, intelligent and loving person. You just gotta hang in there. Thanks for being here and sharing.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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14-12-2014, 10:18 PM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
(14-12-2014 08:02 PM)Nurse Wrote:  Sorry. I usually keep a tight lid on the crazy.

There really isn't a better place to let the crazy pressure cooker valve release a bit. Come here and vent whenever you need to. Perhaps we can't do a lot to help, but we can listen without professional ramifications.

Heart

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat

Are my Chakras on straight?
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24-12-2014, 09:36 AM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
(14-12-2014 08:02 PM)Nurse Wrote:  Sorry. I usually keep a tight lid on the crazy.

Forums provide a really useful service of providing a safe place we can all pop the lid on our crazy. They are indeed a miracle of modern science.

Like for instance, while it's generally not socially acceptable to claim to have wise words of advice in response to situations such as yours, I feel I do (whether it's true or not) and it's safe to be honest and just say that on forums.

Sure, I'll likely get yelled at for feeling that and saying it out loud, but well, who cares? What can happen? It's safe to share our crazy on forums.

Welcome to my crazy. I am His Flatulence Sri Baba Bozo the founder of Bozoism the next great world atheist religion, and I have wise words to offer in response to your situation. And you think you have problems! :-)

If you want those amazingly insightful words, raise your hand and say yes, for while I'm crazy and I'm not kidding, I'm not crazy enough to shove my incredibly sage words down your throat.

PS: I will not be responding to anybody but Nurse. Mods: delete this if needed, no problem.
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24-12-2014, 10:12 AM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
Yeh. I was in the middle of the greatest breakdown of my life when I posted this thread...it was a long time coming Blush Soooo yeh. I'm feeling better. Things are still tough, but my head is in a healthier place. No meds (my unhappiness is mostly situational), just a lot exercise and some talking things out with a mostly impartial friend. It was enough to snap me out of it. Friends get us through the darkest times.

"If there's a single thing that life teaches us, it's that wishing doesn't make it so." - Lev Grossman
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24-12-2014, 10:32 AM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
A quick sample of delusional ravings from an imaginary holy man as he addresses his many imaginary followers at his imaginary ashram...

(24-12-2014 10:12 AM)Nurse Wrote:  (my unhappiness is mostly situational)

Happiness and unhappiness is never found in situations. Happiness and unhappiness is found in our relationship to situations. This is good news for those who sincerely wish to be happy.
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24-12-2014, 10:43 AM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
I'm always late to the party.

Glad to hear whatever was ailing you is diminishing. Anyone who can eat oatmeal <shudder> has my unwavering admiration for fortitude. If you can eat oatmeal, you'll be fine - even if the road is a bit bumpy.

Hug

We have enough youth. How about looking for the Fountain of Smart?
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24-12-2014, 10:57 AM
RE: Some men just want to watch the world burn
Keep locked into the CRNA - no matter what! Rant & bitch & moan as much as possible - it will help to push you through the coming year. The biggest struggle of your life will be the thing that FORCES you to survive.
DO NOT QUIT.

Whatever time you have with your kid... enjoy it but also, ask for ideas... and help... kids want to and are glad to know they are "helping Mom". Share your goal!

A new type of thinking is essential if mankind is to survive and move to higher levels. ~ Albert Einstein
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