Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
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21-04-2015, 10:04 AM (This post was last modified: 21-04-2015 10:11 AM by Losty.)
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
(21-04-2015 09:17 AM)BlackMason Wrote:  
(21-04-2015 07:11 AM)unfogged Wrote:  He asked for people's opinions on the situation. He got them. If he only wants opinions that agree with him then he can try asking elsewhere.

I don't think he was necessarily looking for opinions that agree with him. Perhaps some advice about implementing safe guards in his relationship would also work. For example having better communication can do wonders for a relationship. It's clear that there is a bit of a possible lapse in communication since this discussion only arose 3 years into the relationship. That's a flag for poor communication. If this is indeed true (the claims by OP) he may be worried about potential infidelity and you need to talk these things out. It's not necessarily the past that's an issue here, but the potential consequences perceived for the present and future. For example, significant omissions can be construed as dishonesty. Maybe dude is worried about STIs and other things. It does not necessarily have to fall on him changing his entire view of sexual history. He, after all, has the rights to maintain his standing especially since they don't infringe on another's rights. Dude could simply be looking for ways forward that don't necessarily involve him leaving chick. So I think the contribution from many people here was very narrow minded. I guess that's what group think can do.

(21-04-2015 07:29 AM)Losty Wrote:  This is a forum on the internet. Its purpose is discussion. Its members all have the right to discuss things regardless of the desires of the person who created the thread. We are not obligated to respond however you or the OP wants.

What you are saying is true but it is only true in the broadest imaginable context. This ultimately renders it irrelevant. When a topic of discussion is created by an author, definitions are given explicitly and implicitly. For example, if a topic is created that deals with animals, the author may want to speak about cats (Lions, tigers and "regular" cats for the lack of a better term). It therefore is inappropriate for someone to begin talking about whales. Whales are an irrelevant consideration.

(21-04-2015 07:29 AM)Losty Wrote:  Why do you think that just because he didn't come here to have his sex views challenged means we shouldn't challenge them?

Because they were not the prominent issue if you know how to read between the lines. Given his particular disposition, he was looking for a way forward. This isn't to say that peoples' views should never be changed. In this case THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HIS VIEW!!!!! Why can't you get that? If he was racist or sexist or had an actual wrong view, THEN IT STANDS TO REASON THAT HIS VIEWS SHOULD BE CHANGED!!!! But this is not the case. This is why I beg to oppose.

Is today shitty comparison day? I would say it's more like if he made a thread about hating cats and asked if he should get rid of his and then people told him he sucks for hating cats. It's still on topic, just not the reply he wants.


Obviously people disagree with your opinion that there is nothing wrong with his views, so it stands to reason that they might wish to tell him his views suck.

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21-04-2015, 10:14 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
No tits pics?


Walking away disappointed.

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21-04-2015, 10:15 AM (This post was last modified: 21-04-2015 10:43 AM by Dusky.)
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
snippity
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21-04-2015, 10:25 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
Same OP and same second post over at AF. Are you some sort of whinebot, PR?
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21-04-2015, 10:28 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
Snip.
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21-04-2015, 10:35 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
When she said "not much to talk about" in reference to her sexual history, I see it as having one or two implications. She may not consider it to be a big deal, which is probable, since, you know... She MADE those choices herself. Secondly, she may have thought you would react negatively to it, which turns out is the case. In the first case, it's not a lie. In the second case, it's not worth concerning yourself with. Have you ever told her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen? (Lol sure she is...)

The only thing that has changed now is that YOU know. This means that while she's the same, you see things differently. I see at least two things you're probably worried about now. One is the idea that she wasn't honest... Which isn't really the way I see it, but it's all you can really say because the main concern you have is embarrassing... You're afraid that more sexual partners means there is a greater chance that you're not the best performer in every way.

I totally get it. If you can't deal with that, then maybe you should say something to her. Either you've got nothing to worry about, or you've got something to work on. In either case, you have an opportunity to turn insecure doom and gloom into at least a bit of fun.

If she's been with you for three years though, I imagine there isn't too much to worry about. But, mixing it up, or having her tutor you for a refresher course could always be fun.
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21-04-2015, 10:36 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
(21-04-2015 12:05 AM)WhiskeyDebates Wrote:  ... and masturbating to anime characters.

Let's not get judgmental about what someone may or may not find stimulating. Not that I find anime stimulating, but I have a friend that does. And my friend has every right to, you know, do whatever it is that he does while he is looking at anime with out being compared with a 14 year old or whatever.
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21-04-2015, 10:44 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
I don't get some flybys at all like this... the philosophy or theists who think they have some grand insight or gotchya question make more sense.

But he's getting hurt or bothered enough to make a second post responding in oh I thought I'd get better serious responses... WHY post this on an ATHEIST forum? If your thought is I want to seek forum responses of serious help on this relationship issue, try the dozens of relationship or psychological help forums out there.

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21-04-2015, 10:47 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
I actually see the value in posting the same thing in multiple places and browsing feedback to get a wide sample of input on the situation. I don't know why that is a point against him.

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21-04-2015, 10:49 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
(20-04-2015 10:25 PM)BlackMason Wrote:  Let's be honest, the sexual history of his girlfriend is not normal. I'm not saying that it is not healthy. I'm not saying that it should not be done. I'm not saying that it is wrong. I'm not saying that it is immoral. What I am saying is that it is not typical of the norm. It is strange. So I got pissed off when people started branding his discomfort as an insecurity. If his girl came out with the news that she was a rehabilitated axe murderer, would his discomfort warrant the label insecure? No. What's the common link here? Abnormality is the common link here. It is the abnormality that JUSTIFIES his discomfort. Are you following me?

Let's be honest here: one abnormal behavior has no real consequences to the OP. The other, which you bring up as a hypothetical, has potentially fatal consequences. That renders the analogy pretty flawed.

(20-04-2015 10:25 PM)BlackMason Wrote:  This thread was NOT about YOU and how you feel about outlier sexual histories. It was about OP. His sexual history appetite is clearly a lot more conservative than the lot of you. Is he wrong for that? No, he's not fucking wrong for that. On what rational basis are you wronging him for that?

No one is wronging him here. They are giving the opinions that the OP himself asked for in the last line of his post:

(19-04-2015 01:28 PM)pauloroberts Wrote:  But I just want to get people's opinions, for what it's worth.

I think your reading of what this thread is about is precisely wrong for this reason.

(20-04-2015 10:25 PM)BlackMason Wrote:  Remember I'm not American so I can actually spell.

Pity you can't read so well as you spell, then. The OP got what he asked for; you can dismount your charger there, Galahad.
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