Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
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21-04-2015, 07:58 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
He lives.

Ok PR: my advice to you is dump the chick. You talk about intelligent feedback, but you think someone's sexual history affects their ability to pair bond? That doesn't sound like intelligent thinking to me.

Swing with me a while, we can listen to the birds call, we can keep each other warm.
Swing with me forever, we can count up every flower, we can weather every storm.
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21-04-2015, 07:58 AM (This post was last modified: 21-04-2015 08:06 AM by One Above All.)
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
I do apologize for everyone's reactions. In the future, I'll be sure to contact psychics so they can read your posts and gleam information about what you meant, what you believe in, and what your personal opinions are, but didn't write about in said posts.

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21-04-2015, 08:00 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
It's nice to know that Black Mason and OP consider ax murdering to be a morally acceptable, though abnormal behavior. I know who isn't getting an invite to the forum Christmas party Laugh out load

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21-04-2015, 08:15 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
(21-04-2015 07:54 AM)pauloroberts Wrote:  I'd like to clarify some things for the benefit of the feebleminded.

Soon after we met, I did ask her some stuff about her past, and she told me that there wasn't really much to tell. Which means that she lied, but I choose to focus more on the fact of what her history is, rather than her lie. But she did lie and i'm clarifying that now.

So there's that, but the point is that if anybody was curious to know if I had asked her already, they should have just asked me, instead of automatically assuming that I never did. I wonder why they chose to make the assumption that I'd never asked.

Nowhere in my post have I said anything that implies that I'm shaming her or anything like that. In fact I haven't said a single negative thing about her, I only said that we're incompatible. I could have very easily mentioned that she'd lied, but I chose to focus on the more important issue instead.

I am not seeking a virgin. To say that I am is to make a false dichotomy and a strawman argument. Anyone with common sense would not make such a silly assumption, nor did I imply that I'm a prude or that I only want a virgin. I expected better from a "thinking" forum.

When I said "this is not OK " (about her sexual history) what I obviously (obvious to people with brains) meant was that this is not acceptable to me. She has the free will and autonomy to choose her actions and I have the free will and autonomy to choose my standards and boundaries. I am a strong and independent man and I reserve that right, thank you very much.

Someone made a comparison between her sexual past and being an ex axe murderer. This was an appropriate comparison for the simple reason that her actions go way beyond normal levels of promiscuity. Those with intelligence can see that the common factor is that they are both very unusual, to say the least, and that therefore it's not unreasonable to find it shocking. For very different reasons, granted, but the point is made, in a deliberately absurd way.

Perhaps I should have clarified that I was seeking intelligent feedback. I take full responsibility for not making this clear, but I'm making it clear now, so now you know.

Do carry on...

Drinking Beverage

It would have been clearer if you had actually said what you meant, then. Drinking Beverage

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21-04-2015, 08:47 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
Fuck off OP, you're a stupid troll. Fact that you're posting this bullshit all over the internet is proof of that. You're not entitled to better treatment than other pathetic trolls. Go whine somewhere else Dodgy

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(06-02-2014 03:47 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  And I'm giving myself a conclusion again from all the facepalming.
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21-04-2015, 08:56 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
(21-04-2015 07:54 AM)pauloroberts Wrote:  I'd like to clarify some things for the benefit of the feebleminded.

Soon after we met, I did ask her some stuff about her past, and she told me that there wasn't really much to tell. Which means that she lied, but I choose to focus more on the fact of what her history is, rather than her lie. But she did lie and i'm clarifying that now.

So there's that, but the point is that if anybody was curious to know if I had asked her already, they should have just asked me, instead of automatically assuming that I never did. I wonder why they chose to make the assumption that I'd never asked.

Nowhere in my post have I said anything that implies that I'm shaming her or anything like that. In fact I haven't said a single negative thing about her, I only said that we're incompatible. I could have very easily mentioned that she'd lied, but I chose to focus on the more important issue instead.

I am not seeking a virgin. To say that I am is to make a false dichotomy and a strawman argument. Anyone with common sense would not make such a silly assumption, nor did I imply that I'm a prude or that I only want a virgin. I expected better from a "thinking" forum.

When I said "this is not OK " (about her sexual history) what I obviously (obvious to people with brains) meant was that this is not acceptable to me. She has the free will and autonomy to choose her actions and I have the free will and autonomy to choose my standards and boundaries. I am a strong and independent man and I reserve that right, thank you very much.

Someone made a comparison between her sexual past and being an ex axe murderer. This was an appropriate comparison for the simple reason that her actions go way beyond normal levels of promiscuity. Those with intelligence can see that the common factor is that they are both very unusual, to say the least, and that therefore it's not unreasonable to find it shocking. For very different reasons, granted, but the point is made, in a deliberately absurd way.

Perhaps I should have clarified that I was seeking intelligent feedback. I take full responsibility for not making this clear, but I'm making it clear now, so now you know.

Do carry on...

Drinking Beverage

I'm coining the term "bellow post".

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21-04-2015, 09:17 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
(21-04-2015 07:11 AM)unfogged Wrote:  
(21-04-2015 07:03 AM)BlackMason Wrote:  The dude didn't come here to have his sex views changed or challenged.

He asked for people's opinions on the situation. He got them. If he only wants opinions that agree with him then he can try asking elsewhere.

I don't think he was necessarily looking for opinions that agree with him. Perhaps some advice about implementing safe guards in his relationship would also work. For example having better communication can do wonders for a relationship. It's clear that there is a bit of a possible lapse in communication since this discussion only arose 3 years into the relationship. That's a flag for poor communication. If this is indeed true (the claims by OP) he may be worried about potential infidelity and you need to talk these things out. It's not necessarily the past that's an issue here, but the potential consequences perceived for the present and future. For example, significant omissions can be construed as dishonesty. Maybe dude is worried about STIs and other things. It does not necessarily have to fall on him changing his entire view of sexual history. He, after all, has the rights to maintain his standing especially since they don't infringe on another's rights. Dude could simply be looking for ways forward that don't necessarily involve him leaving chick. So I think the contribution from many people here was very narrow minded. I guess that's what group think can do.

(21-04-2015 07:29 AM)Losty Wrote:  This is a forum on the internet. Its purpose is discussion. Its members all have the right to discuss things regardless of the desires of the person who created the thread. We are not obligated to respond however you or the OP wants.

What you are saying is true but it is only true in the broadest imaginable context. This ultimately renders it irrelevant. When a topic of discussion is created by an author, definitions are given explicitly and implicitly. For example, if a topic is created that deals with animals, the author may want to speak about cats (Lions, tigers and "regular" cats for the lack of a better term). It therefore is inappropriate for someone to begin talking about whales. Whales are an irrelevant consideration.

(21-04-2015 07:29 AM)Losty Wrote:  Why do you think that just because he didn't come here to have his sex views challenged means we shouldn't challenge them?

Because they were not the prominent issue if you know how to read between the lines. Given his particular disposition, he was looking for a way forward. This isn't to say that peoples' views should never be changed. In this case THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HIS VIEW!!!!! Why can't you get that? If he was racist or sexist or had an actual wrong view, THEN IT STANDS TO REASON THAT HIS VIEWS SHOULD BE CHANGED!!!! But this is not the case. This is why I beg to oppose.

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21-04-2015, 09:45 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
(21-04-2015 09:17 AM)BlackMason Wrote:  I don't think he was necessarily looking for opinions that agree with him.

Given his follow-up post I'm not sure what he's looking for. He apparently doesn't think he can accept her past and that's certainly his decision but he seems set on that conclusion so I don't know what opinions he expected if not ones that would confirm his own conclusion.

Quote:Perhaps some advice about implementing safe guards in his relationship would also work. For example having better communication can do wonders for a relationship. It's clear that there is a bit of a possible lapse in communication since this discussion only arose 3 years into the relationship. That's a flag for poor communication. If this is indeed true (the claims by OP) he may be worried about potential infidelity and you need to talk these things out. It's not necessarily the past that's an issue here, but the potential consequences perceived for the present and future. For example, significant omissions can be construed as dishonesty.

I don't really disagree with any of that, especially if she did mislead him early on by avoiding the truth.

Quote:Maybe dude is worried about STIs and other things.

After 3 years that'd have to be related to fears of infidelity and her prior history isn't as important as her recent fidelity or lack thereof.

Quote:It does not necessarily have to fall on him changing his entire view of sexual history. He, after all, has the rights to maintain his standing especially since they don't infringe on another's rights.

Again, no real disagreement there. He most certainly has the right to have his personal opinion about her past and whether he can accept it or not. Don't you think that challenges to that opinion are good for him to evaluate before he makes a significant decision?

Quote:Dude could simply be looking for ways forward that don't necessarily involve him leaving chick.

I think that's exactly what he got. If he wants to stay with her he needs to figure out why her past bothers him so much and if he can separate that from the last 3 years and what he loves about her. There's nothing she can do to undo the past so the whole issue now is his reaction and how he deals with it.

Quote:So I think the contribution from many people here was very narrow minded. I guess that's what group think can do.

People generally agreeing isn't always "group think". I read the OP before any replies were there and my immediate reaction was that it was his problem, not hers.

I think you've made some good points; I just wish you'd made them initially instead of what you did post. It might have started a better discussion.

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21-04-2015, 09:49 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
(21-04-2015 07:54 AM)pauloroberts Wrote:  Someone made a comparison between her sexual past and being an ex axe murderer. This was an appropriate comparison for the simple reason that her actions go way beyond normal levels of promiscuity.

"Normal levels of promiscuity." What a concept. Please define.

#sigh
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21-04-2015, 10:00 AM
RE: Some thoughts about my girlfriend's sexual past
(21-04-2015 07:54 AM)pauloroberts Wrote:  I'd like to clarify some things for the benefit of the feebleminded.

Soon after we met, I did ask her some stuff about her past, and she told me that there wasn't really much to tell. Which means that she lied, but I choose to focus more on the fact of what her history is, rather than her lie. But she did lie and i'm clarifying that now.

So there's that, but the point is that if anybody was curious to know if I had asked her already, they should have just asked me, instead of automatically assuming that I never did. I wonder why they chose to make the assumption that I'd never asked.

Nowhere in my post have I said anything that implies that I'm shaming her or anything like that. In fact I haven't said a single negative thing about her, I only said that we're incompatible. I could have very easily mentioned that she'd lied, but I chose to focus on the more important issue instead.

I am not seeking a virgin. To say that I am is to make a false dichotomy and a strawman argument. Anyone with common sense would not make such a silly assumption, nor did I imply that I'm a prude or that I only want a virgin. I expected better from a "thinking" forum.

When I said "this is not OK " (about her sexual history) what I obviously (obvious to people with brains) meant was that this is not acceptable to me. She has the free will and autonomy to choose her actions and I have the free will and autonomy to choose my standards and boundaries. I am a strong and independent man and I reserve that right, thank you very much.

Someone made a comparison between her sexual past and being an ex axe murderer. This was an appropriate comparison for the simple reason that her actions go way beyond normal levels of promiscuity. Those with intelligence can see that the common factor is that they are both very unusual, to say the least, and that therefore it's not unreasonable to find it shocking. For very different reasons, granted, but the point is made, in a deliberately absurd way.

Perhaps I should have clarified that I was seeking intelligent feedback. I take full responsibility for not making this clear, but I'm making it clear now, so now you know.

Do carry on...

Drinking Beverage

So you leave out, what some might consider vital information, and you blame us?

I think you're riddled with insecurities and obvious inadequacies.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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