Something I tried for a laugh
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27-03-2014, 08:27 AM
Something I tried for a laugh
If I had to stand before a believing judge for murder would he believe me if my defence was "god told me to do it?" Would he cut me a break? Well I met a guy yesterday and after talking a little while he mentioned he was a Christian. That's all good but he started in with all this fundi bullshit about gay people. Then it hit me... I told him that I was once a blind atheist until god spoke to me. God demanded that I become his messenger. I was to spread the message of love. I told him that god didn't specifically say anything about gays to me but he was very clear that we do not judge. Judgement is for god alone.
What surprised me was the guy didn't believe what I had to say.
I don't get it. This guy believes all sorts of crazy shit. He believes god intervenes so why wouldn't he speak to me?
Try it. See what happens..
It's things like this that make me doubt that people actually believe what they say they believe.
My next trick was inspired by Bill Maher. I want to make a Bible with some story like Jack and the Beanstalk in it. Pass it to Biblical literalists, have them read it and ask them what they think. I wonder how many would claim they knew all along that this story was in there.
Any thoughts on this?
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27-03-2014, 08:29 AM
RE: Something I tried for a laugh
(27-03-2014 08:27 AM)Drunkin Druid Wrote:  If I had to stand before a believing judge for murder would he believe me if my defence was "god told me to do it?" Would he cut me a break? Well I met a guy yesterday and after talking a little while he mentioned he was a Christian. That's all good but he started in with all this fundi bullshit about gay people. Then it hit me... I told him that I was once a blind atheist until god spoke to me. God demanded that I become his messenger. I was to spread the message of love. I told him that god didn't specifically say anything about gays to me but he was very clear that we do not judge. Judgement is for god alone.
What surprised me was the guy didn't believe what I had to say.
I don't get it. This guy believes all sorts of crazy shit. He believes god intervenes so why wouldn't he speak to me?
Try it. See what happens..
It's things like this that make me doubt that people actually believe what they say they believe.
My next trick was inspired by Bill Maher. I want to make a Bible with some story like Jack and the Beanstalk in it. Pass it to Biblical literalists, have them read it and ask them what they think. I wonder how many would claim they knew all along that this story was in there.
Any thoughts on this?


I'm fairly sure (if memory serves) that those who've tried that line of defense have been locked up as criminally insane.

So there's that.
Thumbsup

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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27-03-2014, 08:55 AM
RE: Something I tried for a laugh
(27-03-2014 08:29 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  
(27-03-2014 08:27 AM)Drunkin Druid Wrote:  If I had to stand before a believing judge for murder would he believe me if my defence was "god told me to do it?" Would he cut me a break? Well I met a guy yesterday and after talking a little while he mentioned he was a Christian. That's all good but he started in with all this fundi bullshit about gay people. Then it hit me... I told him that I was once a blind atheist until god spoke to me. God demanded that I become his messenger. I was to spread the message of love. I told him that god didn't specifically say anything about gays to me but he was very clear that we do not judge. Judgement is for god alone.
What surprised me was the guy didn't believe what I had to say.
I don't get it. This guy believes all sorts of crazy shit. He believes god intervenes so why wouldn't he speak to me?
Try it. See what happens..
It's things like this that make me doubt that people actually believe what they say they believe.
My next trick was inspired by Bill Maher. I want to make a Bible with some story like Jack and the Beanstalk in it. Pass it to Biblical literalists, have them read it and ask them what they think. I wonder how many would claim they knew all along that this story was in there.
Any thoughts on this?


I'm fairly sure (if memory serves) that those who've tried that line of defense have been locked up as criminally insane.

So there's that.
Thumbsup

You see that's just it. Why would that happen? Why can't they accept that the guy is telling the truth? They claim that god intervenes but when some guy says god spoke to him he is considered insane. Why?
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27-03-2014, 08:59 AM
RE: Something I tried for a laugh
(27-03-2014 08:55 AM)Drunkin Druid Wrote:  
(27-03-2014 08:29 AM)WitchSabrina Wrote:  I'm fairly sure (if memory serves) that those who've tried that line of defense have been locked up as criminally insane.

So there's that.
Thumbsup

You see that's just it. Why would that happen? Why can't they accept that the guy is telling the truth? They claim that god intervenes but when some guy says god spoke to him he is considered insane. Why?


Erm........... um.......... because only the Pope hears the voice of God on earth? I dunno. I get your frustration. I do. And yes a believer *should* be all about hearing "God's voice" BUT they simply deem people who do stuff "because god told me to do it" as nutballs. They do.
Mostly, I think for a true believer (like your judge in the story here) cannot accept that their/his god would tell a person to Murder someone else. So THAT murdering business MUST be just insanity.

I dunno hon. It's all that I can make sense of.

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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27-03-2014, 09:03 AM
RE: Something I tried for a laugh
God didn't TELL you to do something.

He CALLED you. Gotta get the right vocabulary.

You had a CALLING to serve the lord jesus in spreading the gospel of love to all.


* add more bullshit and it just might work. Thumbsup


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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27-03-2014, 09:27 AM
RE: Something I tried for a laugh
“[Religion] allows perfectly decent and sane people to believe by the billions what only lunatics could believe on their own. If you wake up tomorrow morning thinking that saying a few Latin words over your pancakes is going to turn them into the body of Elvis Presley, you have lost your mind. But if you think more or less the same thing about a cracker and the body of Jesus, you’re just a Catholic.” - Sam Harris


Sam sums it up best here. The delusions of the masses don't seem like delusion TO the masses.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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27-03-2014, 10:03 AM
RE: Something I tried for a laugh
(27-03-2014 08:27 AM)Drunkin Druid Wrote:  If I had to stand before a believing judge for murder would he believe me if my defence was "god told me to do it?" Would he cut me a break? Well I met a guy yesterday and after talking a little while he mentioned he was a Christian. That's all good but he started in with all this fundi bullshit about gay people. Then it hit me... I told him that I was once a blind atheist until god spoke to me. God demanded that I become his messenger. I was to spread the message of love. I told him that god didn't specifically say anything about gays to me but he was very clear that we do not judge. Judgement is for god alone.
What surprised me was the guy didn't believe what I had to say.
I don't get it. This guy believes all sorts of crazy shit. He believes god intervenes so why wouldn't he speak to me?
Try it. See what happens..
It's things like this that make me doubt that people actually believe what they say they believe.
My next trick was inspired by Bill Maher. I want to make a Bible with some story like Jack and the Beanstalk in it. Pass it to Biblical literalists, have them read it and ask them what they think. I wonder how many would claim they knew all along that this story was in there.
Any thoughts on this?

Yea, and the lord spoke unto Jack. Thou shalt planteth my bean and nurture it.
And Jack beheld a mighty beanstalk and saw that it was good!
And again the Lord spoketh unto Jack.
Jack my boy-eth. Tbou doth need appropriate safety equipment and a helmet to scaleth this bad boy! For without equipment, atheists will picketh up on this years later-eth and hammer thy Lord!

And so it came to pass Jack haggled on ebay and got some pretty tidy deals like a boss!

Drinking Beverage

A man blames his bad childhood on leprechauns. He claims they don't exist, but yet still says without a doubt that they stole all his money and then killed his parents. That's why he became Leprechaun-Man

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27-03-2014, 10:11 AM
RE: Something I tried for a laugh
(27-03-2014 10:03 AM)Monster_Riffs Wrote:  
(27-03-2014 08:27 AM)Drunkin Druid Wrote:  If I had to stand before a believing judge for murder would he believe me if my defence was "god told me to do it?" Would he cut me a break? Well I met a guy yesterday and after talking a little while he mentioned he was a Christian. That's all good but he started in with all this fundi bullshit about gay people. Then it hit me... I told him that I was once a blind atheist until god spoke to me. God demanded that I become his messenger. I was to spread the message of love. I told him that god didn't specifically say anything about gays to me but he was very clear that we do not judge. Judgement is for god alone.
What surprised me was the guy didn't believe what I had to say.
I don't get it. This guy believes all sorts of crazy shit. He believes god intervenes so why wouldn't he speak to me?
Try it. See what happens..
It's things like this that make me doubt that people actually believe what they say they believe.
My next trick was inspired by Bill Maher. I want to make a Bible with some story like Jack and the Beanstalk in it. Pass it to Biblical literalists, have them read it and ask them what they think. I wonder how many would claim they knew all along that this story was in there.
Any thoughts on this?

Yea, and the lord spoke unto Jack. Thou shalt planteth my bean and nurture it.
And Jack beheld a mighty beanstalk and saw that it was good!
And again the Lord spoketh unto Jack.
Jack my boy-eth. Tbou doth need appropriate safety equipment and a helmet to scaleth this bad boy! For without equipment, atheists will picketh up on this years later-eth and hammer thy Lord!

And so it came to pass Jack haggled on ebay and got some pretty tidy deals like a boss!

Drinking Beverage

Lol. Yeah something like that!
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