Sometimes I wish I could believe in god (light depression)
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
06-03-2017, 01:33 AM
RE: Sometimes I wish I could believe in god (light depression)
I'm very sorry for your loss, and for all you've been through. You're brave to share all of this.

I have been depressed for a long time now so you have my sympathies. I hope you can find some support here that will make it a little easier.

You're right, you can't make yourself believe stuff, even if you want to. You can lie to yourself, but it's ultimately pointless. I indulge myself in fantasy worlds to make life easier, and I pretend they are real, even though I know they are not. We all just have to find ways of coping.

Personally, it would make me more depressed if I really thought a higher being was "in charge", because of the awful job they would be doing.

I have a website here which discusses the issues and terminology surrounding religion and atheism. It's hopefully user friendly to all.
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Robvalue's post
06-03-2017, 09:15 AM
RE: Sometimes I wish I could believe in god (light depression)
(05-03-2017 09:45 PM)Jay Vogelsong Wrote:  I personally find that a lot of grief comes down to survivor's guilt. I find it helpful to consider that life and death are terribly arbitrary, that to be alive at all is winning a highly improbable lottery, and that we will all die soon enough too. That way I can relate to the deceased properly.
Survivor's guilt is in the mix, more for some than for others, but let's face it, to the extent the person was a part of your daily life, you experience a terrible and unwanted change in your daily life, or as they say, in your "normal" -- you have an unasked-for "new normal". That's the core of grief.

The speed with which you accept the new normal and the degree of the change is what makes grief more complicated. Losing my adult son when he was 30 was entirely different than it would have been losing him at age 10 or even 20, and in turn that was different from losing my wife because she was an integral part of every minute of my daily existence and my son had his own life, and we had lunch together more or less weekly. Other variables include whether the death was part of a generally expected story arc, that is, whether the person dies of old age in their sleep at age 90 or in a terrible accident fully awake at 18.

I don't recall survivor's guilt being a significant factor in any of my losses, and I wouldn't assume it's a factor for everyone every time. I think it would be necessary for the survivor to have real or perceived unfinished business with the deceased, for there to be survivor's guilt. I have lost enough loved ones that I've learned to keep short accounts and assume any day could be The Day.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes mordant's post
06-03-2017, 09:26 AM
RE: Sometimes I wish I could believe in god (light depression)
(06-03-2017 09:15 AM)mordant Wrote:  I have lost enough loved ones that I've learned to keep short accounts and assume any day could be The Day.

I agree with this. I have seen way too many people die in (sometimes) the most unfortunate ways. Death is just a part of life and I've always maintained that we are not guaranteed tomorrow (or the rest of this day if I'm honest). Make the most of each day that we have on this planet and enjoy every part that you can. Hold your friends and family close. You never know when the inevitable is going to happen and it will happen. It's just a matter of when?

I get to decide what my life looks like, not the other way around.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes RearViewMirror's post
06-03-2017, 11:40 AM
RE: Sometimes I wish I could believe in god (light depression)
(06-03-2017 09:15 AM)mordant Wrote:  I don't recall survivor's guilt being a significant factor in any of my losses, and I wouldn't assume it's a factor for everyone every time. I think it would be necessary for the survivor to have real or perceived unfinished business with the deceased, for there to be survivor's guilt.

My parents lived over a thousand miles away and were never good at discussions. My father was uncomfortable unless he was lecturing people and my mother was always trying to smooth things over for him. So yes, I had unfinished business with both when they died. It couldn't have been otherwise.

In contrast, my mother-in-law lived next door, and I have no feelings of guilt associated with her death. My wife and I helped her out for years, which made it easier in the end.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Thoreauvian's post
06-03-2017, 12:00 PM
RE: Sometimes I wish I could believe in god (light depression)
(06-03-2017 11:40 AM)Jay Vogelsong Wrote:  
(06-03-2017 09:15 AM)mordant Wrote:  I don't recall survivor's guilt being a significant factor in any of my losses, and I wouldn't assume it's a factor for everyone every time. I think it would be necessary for the survivor to have real or perceived unfinished business with the deceased, for there to be survivor's guilt.

My parents lived over a thousand miles away and were never good at discussions. My father was uncomfortable unless he was lecturing people and my mother was always trying to smooth things over for him. So yes, I had unfinished business with both when they died. It couldn't have been otherwise.

In contrast, my mother-in-law lived next door, and I have no feelings of guilt associated with her death. My wife and I helped her out for years, which made it easier in the end.
That is too bad, Jan. Your are right, it takes two to tango, and that includes having no unfinished business. Sometimes "it couldn't have been otherwise" and that's a great way to put it. I do not judge unfinished business, or think it is all on the survivor, I simply advise people to do what they are able to do and know how to do regardless of the cooperation of the other people in their lives. That may leave you with disappointments galore, but at least it doesn't leave you with regrets, in that any lack of closure isn't for your lack of trying.

If one has legitimate regrets, then you just try to do better going forward, as that's the only rational response.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes mordant's post
06-03-2017, 02:01 PM
RE: Sometimes I wish I could believe in god (light depression)
I get it. No answer...but I understand.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Momsurroundedbyboys's post
06-03-2017, 02:14 PM
RE: Sometimes I wish I could believe in god (light depression)
I have no advice or wisdom to offer other than this.

When you do die, go out like a man with your chin held high.

Oh and move out of your mothers. Seriously, 26?

Good luck.

NOTE: Member, Tomasia uses this site to slander other individuals. He then later proclaims it a joke, but not in public.
I will call him a liar and a dog here and now.
Banjo.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes Banjo's post
08-03-2017, 09:04 AM
RE: Sometimes I wish I could believe in god (light depression)
Appreciate the replies and support, everyone. This was the only place I could vent to an 'ear' of fellow atheists.

(06-03-2017 02:14 PM)Banjo Wrote:  Oh and move out of your mothers.
That will happen soon enough. However, at this time, it makes no sense to move out considering the circumstances.

Quote:Seriously, 26?
Yes, seriously.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
14-03-2017, 05:35 PM
RE: Sometimes I wish I could believe in god (light depression)
(04-03-2017 10:08 AM)UndauntedToast Wrote:  Sometimes I envy people who believe in a higher power. I don't. I just can't. I simply don't believe and there's no reason I should lie to myself in order to. But man, the depression lately has stuck around. I'd love for the prospect of being able to see my dad and other lost loved ones following death to be a reality, but I just don't believe it.

Had to get this off my chest. Nobody to talk to about this in real life; my girlfriend believes in god.

If the sanitized Christian version of God existed, and everyone who "believed" got to heaven, that would be awesome. Who wouldn't want to see their family again (or at least the ones they like Wink )?

A number of years ago, my only nephew died, at age 6 of a rare and aggressive cancer. I was a Christian at the time, and prayed for chemo to work. I'm not sure he even understood about death, as the same gene that gave him cancer also gave him learning challenges (though it turned out he was actually quite bright).

Before he died, I literally felt I would be willing to offer my own life for his, were the option available. It was so unfair, and God was nowhere to be found.

This was the start of a journey for truth. It took years to get to the point of owning my unbelief, but now that I know I'm an atheist, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Life is precious. In my philosophy, every moment of life has value, even if that moment is witnessed by no-one else. The moments of my nephew's life didn't get erased by his death -- they exist as part of the record of the universe, and in the hearts of those who knew him.

Every moment of my life has value, and it is there to be enjoyed. I am also here to help make life enjoyable for those who interact with me. My death will be the final rest of a weary body, and I do not need an eternity in some imaginary place to give my life meaning. It has meaning now, and always will have.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Happy Skeptic's post
15-03-2017, 12:55 AM
RE: Sometimes I wish I could believe in god (light depression)
Gwynnite is recruiting prophets. If you want to believe in god, I may be able to help you there. Big Grin

But it's just chemicals in the brain. If you don't want to be miserable, don't be happy.

living word
Visit this user's website Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: