Soon to be father-in-law wants me to have a sit down with his pastor...
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07-03-2014, 02:12 PM
RE: Soon to be father-in-law wants me to have a sit down with his pastor...
(07-03-2014 01:26 PM)bl510 Wrote:  It is my understanding so far that it will be a discussion, not a debate. I don't know for sure who will be there, but it will be private either way. It will either be us 2 and the pastor, or us 2 and her sister and sister's boyfriend and pastor, or it will be all of the above with the inclusion of her parents. It will not be public and I don't think there are options for anyone else to be involved.

Neither of us care what the pastor thinks at all, but I would certainly like to see some points brought up that would have at least some impact on her sister who is still devoutly religious.
Personally i would insist on not having the parents or sister there. This would be best as a respectful meeting between you and the pastor.

With others present there will be agendas and third party misunderstandings and emotions (not the beneficial ones).

Don't lose focus. Your goal is to get married. This is about you, not your desire to deconvert the sister, save that for another day if you must even attempt that.
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07-03-2014, 02:21 PM
RE: Soon to be father-in-law wants me to have a sit down with his pastor...
(07-03-2014 01:54 PM)bl510 Wrote:  That's a good point morondog, I had not really considered that. Perhaps I just have a years of pretending and lying bottled up inside and just really want to let some of that out. Maybe there would be more appropriate times to do that in the future. I will keep that in mind while preparing for the conversation.

On an unrelated point, how do you reply in a thread like this with the little excerpts from someone else's post inside your own post?

Hit the reply button at the bottom of someone's post and it will put that post's contents in your reply field.

Another thing to consider is that it might not go as bad as you expect it. Imagine it coming from the pastor's point of view, depending on what is asked of him by your FIL.

"Hey preach, I got heathen kids wanna get hitched and you's gotta convert 'em real quick like. You got three hours to do it."

If I were him I'd feel pretty anxious and pressured, so he'll either be as uncomfortable as you, or (if he's a wiser man) he'll keep it a loose discussion without so much pressure to see things exactly his way. He'll see that you're all good people and have every capability of raising a decent family and he'll wish you well and perhaps give your FIL some comfort about the situation.

Who knows? [Image: i-dunno-hand-gesture-smiley-emoticon.gif]

I'm just throwing that out there.

But now I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

~ Umberto Eco
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07-03-2014, 04:49 PM
RE: Soon to be father-in-law wants me to have a sit down with his pastor...
(07-03-2014 01:32 AM)evenheathen Wrote:  Very general advice here, not knowing many particulars.

Either go as easy as you can and ride it through as best you can manage until you are an established couple on your own, or go balls out and just deal with the consequences.

You're already balls deep, it's gonna be a hard road either way. Best of luck to ya, and welcome to the forum.

I'm generally not a lazy person but THIS ^ by EvenHeathen says it best!!

Damn, now I gotta go find that silly thread where you kundos the person who speaks what's in your head most often. LOL

And yes YES - welcome to the forum.
Please keep us posted.

Thumbsup

When I want your opinion I'll read your entrails.
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07-03-2014, 08:05 PM
RE: Soon to be father-in-law wants me to have a sit down with his pastor...
Halfway in the meeting start to cry and beg Jesus to forgive you and put your name in the book of life.

After the wedding tell Jesus to fuck off.
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07-03-2014, 08:22 PM
RE: Soon to be father-in-law wants me to have a sit down with his pastor...
There are two lists on the main TTA homepage under resources. One is contradictions, the other is atrocities in the Bible. Might give you some thing to ask the pastor about.

TTA resources


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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07-03-2014, 09:40 PM (This post was last modified: 07-03-2014 10:57 PM by GirlyMan.)
RE: Soon to be father-in-law wants me to have a sit down with his pastor...
(07-03-2014 12:04 AM)bl510 Wrote:  This is my first time posting to any forum and I hope I keep it brief enough.

My soon to be father-in-law recently found out that I am atheist, and also found out that his daughter is now an atheist. He has requested that we have a 3 hour sit down meeting with his pastor (Lutheran church) before our wedding day or he will not walk my wife to be down the aisle (which she wants very much).

I am more than willing to participate in this long discussion, but I was hoping some members of this community would have some words of advice. Both of us grew up in very religious homes and every member of the family is extremely religious. We have just recently come out as being atheist and most of the family doesn't know yet, only a few people.

While I am reasonably educated on science, religions of the world, and our family religion, I have little to no experience discussing this anyone.

I would really appreciate perhaps a few good conversation starters or tips on how to more clearly communicate with someone in that position. This man has been a pastor for like 40 years or more. Any advice that may be helpful in that situation would be sincerely appreciated. Thank you all in advance.

In order for this atheist to marry a good Catholic girl going on some 30 years ago now in a Catholic Church in front of a Priest we had to attend a Catholic Marriage Training program which actually wasn't that bad 'cause it was given by a married couple who basically just described "Okay, here's the sorta shit you're in for." followed by a prayer. Then this atheist was supposed to spend an hour with some bishop or somesuch assuring them that I would not interfere with any of our children's Catholic upbringing.

Went something like this.

Bishop: So they tell me you're an atheist?
Me: Nah, I just don't believe in no sorta bullshit promise of some sorta postmortem preservation of identity. I'm kinda an ameist.
Bishop: Okay. Do you agree not to interfere with the Catholic upbringing of any of your children.
Me: Can I introduce them to logic and reason so long as I don't proffer my own metaphysics?
Bishop: Of course.
Me: Cool. We done here?
Bishop: Yup.

Don't underestimate them pastors and priests. Most of them are far from being metaphysically naive, I mean that's kinda like what they do. Girly gives them respect.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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08-03-2014, 01:10 AM
RE: Soon to be father-in-law wants me to have a sit down with his pastor...
Well I would definitely not be willing to do the marriage class, and I would absolutely interfere with any religious nonsense that anyone would try and poison my kids with. And kusa, I like the idea about crying for jesus. I was also thinking of trying to convince him I am the new son of god and that I can turn a water into strawberry lemonade, but only if no one is watching. :-)
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08-03-2014, 01:59 AM
RE: Soon to be father-in-law wants me to have a sit down with his pastor...
I would act like dogbert and come in with his triple-pope-crown hat and staff and yell,
"Out! Out demons of stupidity!"
Or better yet,
Make them think you are possessed by the devil.

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08-03-2014, 04:20 AM
RE: Soon to be father-in-law wants me to have a sit down with his pastor...
I can understand the desire to debate with the pastor. The OP wants to show the world that he is sincere and that it's not just a passing phase. After all, if the father in law thinks a three hour meeting is going to change anything then he can't must be hoping it's just a wavering of faith. Being armed with some useful contradictions and view points will allow the pastor to communicate to the father in law that his daughter and new son-in-law are most definitely atheists.

The father insisted on the meeting though because he is concerned about this daughter's lack of faith not the OP's. Therefore the daughter should be the one preparing if she really does not believe any more and wants to demonstrate this.
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08-03-2014, 04:54 AM
RE: Soon to be father-in-law wants me to have a sit down with his pastor...
Personally, I'd tell him to go fuck himself. He's just trying to control his daughter. He's a prick.
Why does she want to be walked down the aisle by her father like a prize cow being taken to market anyway? Remind her that she's nobody's property.
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