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14-05-2016, 05:55 PM (This post was last modified: 14-05-2016 06:00 PM by Fireball.)
RE: Sorry
(14-05-2016 03:11 PM)Tamiptump Wrote:  Looks like its not going to work out. It's just too expensive. I only qualify for so much in grants and loans, after that there is no good option for paying the remainder. Private loans are terrible.

I'm just going to remain out of college since I've already withdrawn from community college. I guess once you've reached my age and have failed you're just a piece of shit who is unworthy and unwelcome to do anything great.

If you have some sort of skill, you can get a part time job. Or check into work study at the university. I worked anywhere from 20-35 hours a week to get through college, on at least one job. At one point I had three part-time jobs. It took me 6.5 years to get a 4-year degree. In that time, I met and married a gal who worked part time one summer during our time in college. I worked year-round. I worked because I wanted no debt, and I didn't owe anyone a dime when I graduated- no student loans. It may take you more than 4 years, but so what? If you don't get on the treadmill, all you are going to see is people getting ahead of you. You can go to the local Employment Development Department (that's what it is called in California); they can steer you to people who can test you for aptitudes for a job for which you may be suited and match you up with something that will make you money.
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14-05-2016, 06:05 PM
RE: Sorry
I'm currently considering ending my life. I have considered this mamy times before. But virtually all of those times were very hypothetical and hasty. This time I am actually considering it in real, rational, and practical terms.

It has become increasingly obvious to me that I don't possess the minimal abilities to live a productive and decent life. No matter the steps I take to combat these dilemmas, they consistently get worse instead of better.

I truly believe that my being here is really more of a detriment than a blessing. Try as I might, I only prove to be a liability to everything and everyone. I feel that by outing myself, I will be also outing the harm and burden I present to the world and life that I regularly experience while simultaneous creating more space and resources for other, more worthy individuals to consume.

I know I will never accomplish my goals. I'm not effective at accomplishing feats. I will only continue to decline and to cause a burden to world I'm involved with.

I'm weighing this in realistic and calculated terms. I want to make the decision which will help as many and hurt as few as possible. This will undoubtedly be the correct decision:
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14-05-2016, 06:27 PM
RE: Sorry
(14-05-2016 05:55 PM)Fireball Wrote:  If you have some sort of skill

I have no skills and lack the ability to acquire them. Regardless, I'm off that track now. I've switched gears to deliberating how I'm going to bring an end to my life, what ends need to be tied up before hand, and my timeline for doing so. I'm not interested in discussing future prospects any further.
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14-05-2016, 06:27 PM
RE: Sorry
(14-05-2016 06:05 PM)Tamiptump Wrote:  I'm currently considering ending my life. I have considered this mamy times before. But virtually all of those times were very hypothetical and hasty. This time I am actually considering it in real, rational, and practical terms.

It has become increasingly obvious to me that I don't possess the minimal abilities to live a productive and decent life. No matter the steps I take to combat these dilemmas, they consistently get worse instead of better.

I truly believe that my being here is really more of a detriment than a blessing. Try as I might, I only prove to be a liability to everything and everyone. I feel that by outing myself, I will be also outing the harm and burden I present to the world and life that I regularly experience while simultaneous creating more space and resources for other, more worthy individuals to consume.

I know I will never accomplish my goals. I'm not effective at accomplishing feats. I will only continue to decline and to cause a burden to world I'm involved with.

I'm weighing this in realistic and calculated terms. I want to make the decision which will help as many and hurt as few as possible. This will undoubtedly be the correct decision:

Call a suicide hotline at once.

Period.

1.800.SUICIDE


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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14-05-2016, 06:46 PM
RE: Sorry
(14-05-2016 06:27 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  
(14-05-2016 06:05 PM)Tamiptump Wrote:  I'm currently considering ending my life. I have considered this mamy times before. But virtually all of those times were very hypothetical and hasty. This time I am actually considering it in real, rational, and practical terms.

It has become increasingly obvious to me that I don't possess the minimal abilities to live a productive and decent life. No matter the steps I take to combat these dilemmas, they consistently get worse instead of better.

I truly believe that my being here is really more of a detriment than a blessing. Try as I might, I only prove to be a liability to everything and everyone. I feel that by outing myself, I will be also outing the harm and burden I present to the world and life that I regularly experience while simultaneous creating more space and resources for other, more worthy individuals to consume.

I know I will never accomplish my goals. I'm not effective at accomplishing feats. I will only continue to decline and to cause a burden to world I'm involved with.

I'm weighing this in realistic and calculated terms. I want to make the decision which will help as many and hurt as few as possible. This will undoubtedly be the correct decision:

Call a suicide hotline at once.

Period.

1.800.SUICIDE

I'm just venting. God damn. Why the fuck can't a person vent their full frustrations without worrying if someone will send the cops to their house? I've had this happen to me before. If anyone is a mod here, please note I am not serious!
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14-05-2016, 06:51 PM
RE: Sorry
(14-05-2016 06:46 PM)Tamiptump Wrote:  
(14-05-2016 06:27 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Call a suicide hotline at once.

Period.

1.800.SUICIDE

I'm just venting. God damn. Why the fuck can't a person vent their full frustrations without worrying if someone will send the cops to their house? I've had this happen to me before. If anyone is a mod here, please note I am not serious!

.....
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14-05-2016, 07:07 PM
RE: Sorry
(14-05-2016 06:46 PM)Tamiptump Wrote:  
(14-05-2016 06:27 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Call a suicide hotline at once.

Period.

1.800.SUICIDE

I'm just venting. God damn. Why the fuck can't a person vent their full frustrations without worrying if someone will send the cops to their house? I've had this happen to me before. If anyone is a mod here, please note I am not serious!

I'm glad you're just venting, but how are we supposed to know that?

You started your post with "I'm seriously considering ending my life".


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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14-05-2016, 07:47 PM
RE: Sorry
(14-05-2016 06:46 PM)Tamiptump Wrote:  
(14-05-2016 06:27 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Call a suicide hotline at once.

Period.

1.800.SUICIDE

I'm just venting. God damn. Why the fuck can't a person vent their full frustrations without worrying if someone will send the cops to their house? I've had this happen to me before. If anyone is a mod here, please note I am not serious!

Moms is an Administrator. If you just want to vent that sort of thing, don't do it in public, because there are actually people here who give a shit about what you do, and ending your life is right up there with the shit we don't want to see (AGAIN). I'm not sure if those nice young men in their clean white coats know where you live or can come to take you away based on an internet post, anyway.

Go here to see what kind of shit other people suffer through, yet keep trying to live.

http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...#pid996855
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14-05-2016, 07:52 PM
RE: Sorry
(11-05-2016 06:27 PM)Tamiptump Wrote:  I'm just having to live with the fact that I'm a loser, an undesirable who has failed at everything apart from breathing and remaining alive. I'm a 25 year-old unemployed, virgin loser still living with parents and completely dependent. I have dreams beyond what I'm capable of doing. Opposition and nay-sayers are not just around every corner, but everywhere in plain sight ready to tell me about how much I'm going to fail and not capable of doing anything worth while. I have something to prove that will never get proven. I want to leave this bullshit little town I come from and go to a prestigious school and become something great, but it will never happen. I'm a loser and I will always be a loser. It's not just measurable by the things I've done (or failed to do), its an objective part of who I am and my personality in general. This is why I think about killing myself every night.

See, killing yourself is no solution, clearly. I hope you don't do that but rather get yourself psychological help. I agree with the others that you do seem to have a lot to offer and live, but going by this post of yours, I'd guess the strongest opposition, the loudest naysayer, is in your mirror. Depression can and does do that. Depression is also very treatable with medication and therapy.

I hope you'll agree with the logic that says it makes sense to try a nonlethal answer over trying suicide.

I sure feel bad for you. I've been in that dark place twice myself, with many of the same feelings of worthlessness, failure, and self-loathing. Fifteen years later, I'm still going, some days good, some days bad. The way I do it is work on the things I can control, and let go of the things I cannot.

I don't know if you'll find that very helpful, but I sure hope you do.
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14-05-2016, 08:17 PM
RE: Sorry
I hate everything about myself. I hate life. Everything I try to do fails before it even begins. People hate me, and rightfully so. I keep trying to find positive things to works towards, but life tells me no.

I almost wish I could go clinically insane so I could just check myself into a psychiatric institution and just have them take care of me for the rest of my life. It would get rid of my desires and pain, and then life would be thousands of times better than it will ever be otherwise.

I think of death as a mercy, as a peaceful state in which all pain and worries will be taken away. I'm 25 and have never experienced a single moment of happiness or relief. Every single day is a struggle just to see it to the end. I feel completely barren of life as it is.

Every time I think I'm good to pick up the pieces and try again, I get reminded how inferior and inept I really am. I'm admonished to concede that I will never amount to a god damn thing.

Yet, people tell me I HAVE to stay. I HAVE to love life. I don't have the option to end it. I have to stay and deal with it. People say suicide is not the right option when there are other options available. Well, I've explored the other options. I still don't like life. I hate it.

I don't know how to get the point across any clearer that I HATE life. I hate every aspect of it. I don't want to be here anymore. Why is that such a hard thing for people to fucking accept? It's not your god damn life! If you love life, fine, knock yourself the fuck out living it. Don't tell me I have to think and act the same.

I'm not, repeat NOT, going to kill myself tonight. Just venting. I really wish I would just die in my fucking sleep though.
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