Sound Like Someone You Know
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30-06-2010, 10:09 AM
 
Sound Like Someone You Know
This sounds like how a certain group interprets a certain other book too:

ESCONDIDO, CA—Spurred by an administration he believes to be guilty of numerous transgressions, self-described American patriot Kyle Mortensen, 47, is a vehement defender of ideas he seems to think are enshrined in the U.S. Constitution and principles that brave men have fought and died for solely in his head.

"Our very way of life is under siege," said Mortensen, whose understanding of the Constitution derives not from a close reading of the document but from talk-show pundits, books by television personalities, and the limitless expanse of his own colorful imagination. "It's time for true Americans to stand up and protect the values that make us who we are."
According to Mortensen—an otherwise mild-mannered husband, father, and small-business owner—the most serious threat to his fanciful version of the 222-year-old Constitution is the attempt by far-left "traitors" to strip it of its religious foundation.
"Right there in the preamble, the authors make their priorities clear: 'one nation under God,'" said Mortensen, attributing to the Constitution a line from the Pledge of Allegiance, which itself did not include any reference to a deity until 1954. "Well, there's a reason they put that right at the top."
"Men like Madison and Jefferson were moved by the ideals of Christianity, and wanted the United States to reflect those values as a Christian nation," continued Mortensen, referring to the "Father of the Constitution," James Madison, considered by many historians to be an atheist, and Thomas Jefferson, an Enlightenment-era thinker who rejected the divinity of Christ and was in France at the time the document was written. "The words on the page speak for themselves."
According to sources who have read the nation's charter, the U.S. Constitution and its 27 amendments do not contain the word "God" or "Christ."
Mortensen said his admiration for the loose assemblage of vague half-notions he calls the Constitution has only grown over time. He believes that each detail he has pulled from thin air—from prohibitions on sodomy and flag-burning, to mandatory crackdowns on immigrants, to the right of citizens not to have their hard-earned income confiscated in the form of taxes—has contributed to making it the best framework for governance "since the Ten Commandments."
"And let's not forget that when the Constitution was ratified it brought freedom to every single American," Mortensen said.
Mortensen's passion for safeguarding the elaborate fantasy world in which his conception of the Constitution resides is greatly respected by his likeminded friends and relatives, many of whom have been known to repeat his unfounded assertions verbatim when angered. Still, some friends and family members remain critical.
"Dad's great, but listening to all that talk radio has put some weird ideas into his head," said daughter Samantha, a freshman at Reed College in Portland, OR. "He believes the Constitution allows the government to torture people and ban gay marriage, yet he doesn't even know that it guarantees universal health care."
Mortensen told reporters that he'll fight until the bitter end for what he roughly supposes the Constitution to be. He acknowledged, however, that it might already be too late to win the battle.
"The freedoms our Founding Fathers spilled their blood for are vanishing before our eyes," Mortensen said. "In under a year, a fascist, socialist regime has turned a proud democracy into a totalitarian state that will soon control every facet of American life."
"Don't just take my word for it," Mortensen added. "Try reading a newspaper or watching the news sometime."

It's from The Onion.
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30-06-2010, 11:53 AM
 
RE: Sound Like Someone You Know
Fuck that guy. Too much Rush Limbaugh perhaps?
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30-06-2010, 06:02 PM
RE: Sound Like Someone You Know
(30-06-2010 11:53 AM)TruthAddict Wrote:  Fuck that guy. Too much Rush Limbaugh perhaps?

It's a satirical piece from the onion. Angel

You don't get rich writing science fiction. If you want to get rich, you start a religion. - L. Ron Hubbard (Creater of Scientology)
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01-07-2010, 08:19 AM
RE: Sound Like Someone You Know
(30-06-2010 06:02 PM)Moshe Wrote:  It's a satirical piece from the onion. Angel

Although it does seem to encapsulate the tea bagger movement's ignorance of their own legal documents and founding fathers. I mean, for all their talk about God and their "Christian Nation" it's a fun thing to note how many of the founding fathers had loose or no ties at all to religion...

Oh well, religious tom-foolery 101.

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01-07-2010, 02:00 PM
RE: Sound Like Someone You Know
I always found it interesting when someone wants to go back to the good the old of the early 1800's. Back when we were a Christian nation. Yep, good old days of slavery, gender discrimination, and having to choose between living in a city with open running raw sewage and living out in the middle of the wilderness hoping that Indians won't attack. Honestly, some people can't seem to grasp that as a country progresses and grows, changes must be made. But then again, most Tea Baggers don't understand how America was back in the "Good Old Days", so who knows what they think it was like back then.

I don't believe Jesus is the son of God until I see the long form birth certificate!
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