Stay in the Closet
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07-12-2013, 12:52 PM
Stay in the Closet
Hi. I came out of a meditation session about two months ago and something snapped. I realized that not only did I not believe in god any longer, but that the whole idea is ridiculous. It was quite eye opening and embarrassing to think how many times I used the words "I'll pray for you"! I was a cradle catholic (I'm 60 y/o) and my husband just converted 3 years ago. My family are made up of staunch catholic's and one born again. I have one sister that I presumed was the most liberal of the family. The topic came up in a conversation and I came out and told her I was an atheist. She started talking to me like I was two years old - very disappointed in what I said. She basically told me to stay in the closet and never come out. Then she sent me an email which started out asking me to prove there is no god! I was pissed. I asked her to prove there's no such thing as faeries because I believe there are. Then I asked her how come it's okay for her to send me those types of emails but I have to stay in the closet? Now I feel like an alien and I'm in a quandary. My parents are 81 y/o and if I tell them it will devastate them. They think their prayers were answered when I started going back to church 4 years ago and when my husband converted. I don't think I could do that to them. But it's becoming harder and harder to go to church and when I do, to take communion. I have to fake it and I hate it. I'm more hyper aware to all of the "miracles" and the "I'll pray for you's" and the "god must have a plan", etc., etc., ad nauseum. Right now I'm maintaining a double life and I listen to the thinking atheist pod casts almost every night. They're what get me through. Does anyone out there have a similar experience? Any stories on how you coped? Thanks!

If you pray hard enough, you can make water run uphill. How hard? Why, hard enough to make water run uphill, of course! [Robert A. Heinlein, Expanded Universe]
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07-12-2013, 01:25 PM
RE: Stay in the Closet
Welcome.

Not me, but you can find some tales of woe and of joy in here...
http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...sion-story
http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...m-Religion

I wish I could offer some empathy and advice but I haven't had that experience. Others here have. Many catholics, too.

It's encouraging though, to learn that it's never too late to see the light (so to speak).

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07-12-2013, 01:34 PM
RE: Stay in the Closet
Thanks! I loved your signature so much, I wrote it down in my journal ... it's a keeper!

If you pray hard enough, you can make water run uphill. How hard? Why, hard enough to make water run uphill, of course! [Robert A. Heinlein, Expanded Universe]
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07-12-2013, 01:42 PM
RE: Stay in the Closet
How will your parents know whether you go to church or not? Do you go to the same church?

[Image: dobie.png]

Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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07-12-2013, 01:48 PM
RE: Stay in the Closet
I was just reading your post on how you became an atheist and was laughing at your signature when your message came in just now ... what a coincidence or was it divine intervention? LOL!

We go to two different churches just a few miles from each other and they go to mine sometimes and vice versa. They ask questions about what is going on at my church and my mom is physic (eyes in back of her head!). I'm waiting to hit the wrong email button or facebook button and come out unintentionally. If I think of that I start to panic. My husband goes to church every Sunday because he just converted three years ago. He's okay with me being an atheist but isn't at that point yet. I go to church with him sometimes because I feel guilty that he would not have converted if I wasn't a catholic! I went last week and just the thought of taking communion made me shudder. I left while he went up and sat in the car.

If you pray hard enough, you can make water run uphill. How hard? Why, hard enough to make water run uphill, of course! [Robert A. Heinlein, Expanded Universe]
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07-12-2013, 02:22 PM
RE: Stay in the Closet
I'm curious... what did he convert from?

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07-12-2013, 02:45 PM
RE: Stay in the Closet
He was raised United but never went to church once in his teens. We were previously married so didn't marry each other until I was 35 and he was 39, in a United Church. I had gone to church sporadically through adulthood ... making my sons go to church and then not forcing it again one they reached high school (btw, they are all three, atheists - I did teach them to think for themselves!). I got really sick in 2009 and read that book the Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren and made one last ditch effort to go to church and pray that I would live through the illness and come out healthy -- which I did, thanks to a neurologist, a neurosurgeon, three months of antibiotics and physical therapy! However, I spent 4 years trying to "fake it until I make it" and during that time, my husband became a Roman Catholic. So that's where my guilt comes in. He is wavering but is not quite there yet.

If you pray hard enough, you can make water run uphill. How hard? Why, hard enough to make water run uphill, of course! [Robert A. Heinlein, Expanded Universe]
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08-12-2013, 11:19 PM
RE: Stay in the Closet
give your husband some time. Are your sons out of the closet atheists to the rest of the family? (your sister, your parents?).

If your husband decides not to return to church, and since you don't want to come clean with your parents, I would tell them that your church doesn't feel like home anymore, and that you are looking for something that feels right to you. Don't get sucked into their church….you are trying out some others that you've heard great things about. You can be forever looking for the place that feels right.


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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08-12-2013, 11:32 PM
RE: Stay in the Closet
There's a closet? ... Fuck.

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
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09-12-2013, 03:39 AM
RE: Stay in the Closet
The reason your sister wants you to stay in the closet is the same reason you're staying in the closet. Neither of you want your parents to be upset. It is because of this circumstance she can send you those emails but you have to stay in the closet. You can play a little hardball and threaten your sister that you will tell your parents you are an atheist if she continues to send you those emails. I would just tell her its not up for debate anytime she brings it up. You're not trying to turn her into an atheist are you?
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