Stressed Out With Family Argument About Wedding
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12-09-2014, 02:49 PM
Stressed Out With Family Argument About Wedding
I'm getting married in a month, and I am not inviting one of my relatives - one of my uncles - to the wedding. The reason I'm not inviting him is because he has never done anything but put me down. I've struggled with epilepsy my whole life, and that's the reason why he treats me the way he does. He says the fact that I have epilepsy makes me weak.

My mom keeps bugging me, saying that I need to invite him because, no matter what, he is family. My dad, on the other hand, fully supports me for not inviting my uncle, which makes the situation a bit ironic, because he is my dad's brother.

I've tried to be as patient as possible while standing my ground against my mom's nagging, but if she keeps pushing this I am going to lose my temper, which I always try to refrain from. I simply don't want somebody who has never been anything but negativity towards me at my wedding.

Do you think I am being unreasonable?

“Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool.” - Mark Twain
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12-09-2014, 02:55 PM
RE: Stressed Out With Family Argument About Wedding
Nope not all. Don't cave...but if he does just show up, don't allow him to derail your day. Don't acknowledge him...

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Will there be jazz at the reception?


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12-09-2014, 03:22 PM
RE: Stressed Out With Family Argument About Wedding
Only you can decide, . Ultimately it is up to you because it is your day. But you need to weigh what that might do between you and your mother. You might try making a deal with her, and say one negative peep out of him he's gone. Bullies like that don't like an audience at that scale. They usually do it when they are surrounded by people who they think they can get away with doing it. A wedding would be worse for him to pull that kind of crap.

If you bring your own friends and you are in a group it is less likely he will give you lip and if he does a ton of scowling faces might shut him up.

Other than that doesn't sound like an easy decision to make. But no matter what you need to focus on you and your future spouse and not him. You are not marrying him.

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12-09-2014, 03:46 PM
RE: Stressed Out With Family Argument About Wedding
(12-09-2014 02:55 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Nope not all. Don't cave...but if he does just show up, don't allow him to derail your day. Don't acknowledge him...

Hug

Will there be jazz at the reception?

Thanks for your support. Hug

There won't be live music at the reception, but I did put a disc together of some jazz to play during dinner, and some good swing tunes for when the music starts after dinner. Smile

I would have loved to do a live band, but I didn't want to spend the extra money. We're in our mid-30s, and we decided to do a bit smaller of a wedding so we could pay it off by the wedding day, and then start saving money to do a big trip around Europe. We're doing our honeymoon in New Orleans though, so I will definitely be listening to some good jazz while I'm there! Smile

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12-09-2014, 03:54 PM
RE: Stressed Out With Family Argument About Wedding
(12-09-2014 03:46 PM)WindyCityJazz Wrote:  
(12-09-2014 02:55 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Nope not all. Don't cave...but if he does just show up, don't allow him to derail your day. Don't acknowledge him...

Hug

Will there be jazz at the reception?

Thanks for your support. Hug

There won't be live music at the reception, but I did put a disc together of some jazz to play during dinner, and some good swing tunes for when the music starts after dinner. Smile

I would have loved to do a live band, but I didn't want to spend the extra money. We're in our mid-30s, and we decided to do a bit smaller of a wedding so we could pay it off by the wedding day, and then start saving money to do a big trip around Europe. We're doing our honeymoon in New Orleans though, so I will definitely be listening to some good jazz while I'm there! Smile

Your party, your guest list.Yes

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12-09-2014, 04:21 PM
RE: Stressed Out With Family Argument About Wedding
Maybe you could invite him and seat him at the kids table for dinner. Big Grin
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12-09-2014, 04:41 PM
RE: Stressed Out With Family Argument About Wedding
(12-09-2014 03:22 PM)Brian37 Wrote:  Only you can decide, . Ultimately it is up to you because it is your day. But you need to weigh what that might do between you and your mother. You might try making a deal with her, and say one negative peep out of him he's gone. Bullies like that don't like an audience at that scale. They usually do it when they are surrounded by people who they think they can get away with doing it. A wedding would be worse for him to pull that kind of crap.

If you bring your own friends and you are in a group it is less likely he will give you lip and if he does a ton of scowling faces might shut him up.

Other than that doesn't sound like an easy decision to make. But no matter what you need to focus on you and your future spouse and not him. You are not marrying him.

My relationship with my mom is strained enough as it is. She wasn't much better when it came to negativity. She was very verbally abusive to me growing up, though not because of the seizures, but because I wouldn't turn my back on my father when they got divorced. I'm not worried about messing up my relationship with her because it's messed up enough as it is. Our relationship has gotten a little less strained more recently, but it is nowhere near being hunky-dory. My uncle is also a major Bible thumper, which is another thing that really makes me want to keep him out of the wedding. Having him going around spouting his religious crap at my friends and my fiancé's family and friends is the last thing I need on my wedding day. I understand the importance of family, but the way he has treated me my whole life just makes me want him as far away as possible on a day that is supposed to be nothing but happiness and a good time.

“Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool.” - Mark Twain
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12-09-2014, 04:48 PM
RE: Stressed Out With Family Argument About Wedding
(12-09-2014 03:46 PM)WindyCityJazz Wrote:  
(12-09-2014 02:55 PM)Momsurroundedbyboys Wrote:  Nope not all. Don't cave...but if he does just show up, don't allow him to derail your day. Don't acknowledge him...

Hug

Will there be jazz at the reception?

Thanks for your support. Hug

There won't be live music at the reception, but I did put a disc together of some jazz to play during dinner, and some good swing tunes for when the music starts after dinner. Smile

I would have loved to do a live band, but I didn't want to spend the extra money. We're in our mid-30s, and we decided to do a bit smaller of a wedding so we could pay it off by the wedding day, and then start saving money to do a big trip around Europe. We're doing our honeymoon in New Orleans though, so I will definitely be listening to some good jazz while I'm there! Smile

Sounds awesome! I love jazz and swing. Smile


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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12-09-2014, 05:00 PM
RE: Stressed Out With Family Argument About Wedding
(12-09-2014 04:41 PM)WindyCityJazz Wrote:  
(12-09-2014 03:22 PM)Brian37 Wrote:  Only you can decide, . Ultimately it is up to you because it is your day. But you need to weigh what that might do between you and your mother. You might try making a deal with her, and say one negative peep out of him he's gone. Bullies like that don't like an audience at that scale. They usually do it when they are surrounded by people who they think they can get away with doing it. A wedding would be worse for him to pull that kind of crap.

If you bring your own friends and you are in a group it is less likely he will give you lip and if he does a ton of scowling faces might shut him up.

Other than that doesn't sound like an easy decision to make. But no matter what you need to focus on you and your future spouse and not him. You are not marrying him.

My relationship with my mom is strained enough as it is. She wasn't much better when it came to negativity. She was very verbally abusive to me growing up, though not because of the seizures, but because I wouldn't turn my back on my father when they got divorced. I'm not worried about messing up my relationship with her because it's messed up enough as it is. Our relationship has gotten a little less strained more recently, but it is nowhere near being hunky-dory. My uncle is also a major Bible thumper, which is another thing that really makes me want to keep him out of the wedding. Having him going around spouting his religious crap at my friends and my fiancé's family and friends is the last thing I need on my wedding day. I understand the importance of family, but the way he has treated me my whole life just makes me want him as far away as possible on a day that is supposed to be nothing but happiness and a good time.

You're right, it's your day, it's not about your uncle or even your mother. Like Chas said, it's your party, and your mom can get over it.
I'd rather have my mom a little irked about it than having the memories of my wedding polluted by an unwanted guest possibly being an asshole to the other guests.
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12-09-2014, 05:02 PM
RE: Stressed Out With Family Argument About Wedding
Well again, only you know what is best for you. It sounds to me you already know what you want to do. But again you are not marrying your mother or your Uncle. No matter what do not let anyone ruin your day or let it get to you.

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