Stroking the embers of doubt.
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15-01-2013, 09:59 PM
RE: Stroking the embers of doubt.

Well, I must admit that my deconversion wasn't very long ago. It started around April or May last year when I browsed the internet and found the website of (it's a website that shows how flawed creationism is versus evolution). On that website, I found an article regarding the Old Testament. It was full of violence and really bad stuff that I was really appalled at how this god was a loving god. I thought that this god was evil, and as such, I should disregard the Old Testament. I now had the New Testament left (unfortunately, doesn't have much on the New Testament). However, there was some material regarding how Jesus acted, but for some reason, I just let that stuff go, though I guess I was having my doubts. I can't remember clearly if I also rejected the New Testament as well back then, but I thought that a god worthy of worship was benevolent, at least. I expected such a god to have considerable power (though not necessarily omnipotent) and considerable knowledge (perhaps not necessarily omniscient). I expected such a god to at least know what he's doing.

So, regarding the problem of evil, I was forced to accept that if god exists, then he is not omnipotent. I then just went on with my life until I saw a video by DarkMatter2525 on YouTube. It's titled God's Priorities, and it showed that a benevolent god who answers prayers seems to favor some people over others. What I realized was that if Yahweh was benevolent, he'd answer the prayers of those who are suffering. If I pray for good grades while someone else prays to survive the day, I expect Yahweh to help the guy who's suffering over me. It would only be just for him to do so. I mean, helping me with my grades is quite petty of him.

And as a result, I realized that Yahweh was fictional. It wasn't exactly easy on me at the time (after being a Christian all my life at that point). I personally became pretty afraid because of the implications. There would be no afterlife (or at least, I'm not justified to believe that there is one). There is no "master plan" (which, of course, explains why our world is full of pointless suffering, but to my then-Christian mind, it felt like there was no god to make things right). It made me realize how truly lucky I was, because after the decisions and situations that I've been through in my life, I have made it through all of them WITHOUT a god who guided me.

I confessed my doubts to a friend, and he told me, reassured me even, that I can still find meaning in my life without a god.

After reading around the internet, I realized that finding such meaning in my life would be a very mature and good thing to do.

So, I realized that the Christian god is nonexistent (due to being a contradiction of injustice and love). A benevolent god wouldn't mind who he's referred as (be it Allah, Brahma, or Ahura Mazda). He'd answer prayers anyway. If he doesn't take prayers, then what kind of god is he for allowing suffering to happen and not alleviating it? Furthermore, why should he wait for those people to ask for relief? Also, if he's limited in answering prayers, why not focus on those who need them answered the most? If he can't answer any prayers at all, then what's the use of this god?

I now know that if god is benevolent, he unfortunately doesn't exist.
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Messages In This Thread
Stroking the embers of doubt. - Nappa - 14-01-2013, 08:34 PM
RE: Stroking the embers of doubt. - Chujutsu - 15-01-2013 09:59 PM
RE: Stroking the embers of doubt. - Nappa - 17-01-2013, 07:30 PM
RE: Stroking the embers of doubt. - cjs - 22-01-2013, 08:42 PM
RE: Stroking the embers of doubt. - JDS - 22-01-2013, 07:41 PM
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