Suddenly The Sex Stopped
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03-05-2017, 06:48 PM
RE: Suddenly The Sex Stopped
Staying with her will inevitably mean you being controlled by proxy to some extent by your partners church even though you are not an active participant or member.
You have to decide wether or not this is an acceptable price to pay for continuing the relationship. Its not an enviable position to be in and you have my sincere sympathies, hope everything works out for you.
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03-05-2017, 07:06 PM
RE: Suddenly The Sex Stopped
If it would mean not living a life of sexual frustration I think I could play the "I've seen the light and found God" role pretty convincingly. Unfortunately, my spouse is also atheist so I don't even have that option.

In all seriousness, though, if she's bothered by religious related things due to you not being married, then marrying would be a temporary solution at best. She will ultimately expect more. If you're going to start going to church and get married in the name of setting her mind at ease so you can live happily ever after, you'd better be prepared to go all the way. She's got the image of a family built around the church in her mind. Are you able to fit into that image or not?

'Murican Canadian
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03-05-2017, 07:56 PM
RE: Suddenly The Sex Stopped
(03-05-2017 07:06 PM)yakherder Wrote:  If it would mean not living a life of sexual frustration I think I could play the "I've seen the light and found God" role pretty convincingly. Unfortunately, my spouse is also atheist so I don't even have that option.

In all seriousness, though, if she's bothered by religious related things due to you not being married, then marrying would be a temporary solution at best. She will ultimately expect more. If you're going to start going to church and get married in the name of setting her mind at ease so you can live happily ever after, you'd better be prepared to go all the way. She's got the image of a family built around the church in her mind. Are you able to fit into that image or not?

It could be worse, you could be not getting any AND living with a theist Tongue Laugh out load
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03-05-2017, 08:06 PM
RE: Suddenly The Sex Stopped
To OP,

So sorry you're dealing with all of this. I personally think it is really hard to date a theist. That said, there are atheists who do it and do it successfully. I know a few on our forum.

My advice: I think you need to be prepared for things potentially getting worse in terms of her delving further into religion. And think carefully about having children with this person because she will more than likely want to raise them in religion. Any issues that arise in your rship or marriage, she will be consulting God. Church and celebrating Christian events/holidays are going to be a part of your life should you decide to stay with this person.

I think you need to ask yourself if you can deal with all of the above and whether or not you feel this rship is worth it? Think about being married to this person ten years from now. What type of life do you see? Do you see yourself being happy or frustrated? Think about how you are feeling now, how do you think it will be ten years from now? Will you both be happy?
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03-05-2017, 08:09 PM
RE: Suddenly The Sex Stopped
(03-05-2017 07:06 PM)yakherder Wrote:  In all seriousness, though, if she's bothered by religious related things due to you not being married, then marrying would be a temporary solution at best. She will ultimately expect more. If you're going to start going to church and get married in the name of setting her mind at ease so you can live happily ever after, you'd better be prepared to go all the way. She's got the image of a family built around the church in her mind. Are you able to fit into that image or not?
^This
I would also be worried about many more things the OP would be expected to change or give up in the name of his SO's religion...or for other reasons.

It would be important to really think about how long you can pretend to be something you are not.

I am sure this is a difficult situation to find yourself in. I hope things turn out well for you.

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat
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04-05-2017, 05:23 AM
RE: Suddenly The Sex Stopped
There is something profound in this bit of wisdom:

"Men enter marriage thinking the woman will never change. Women enter marriage thinking the man will eventually change."

You are outnumbered in this relationship, so in order for you to have a happy relationship, you will have to make compromises until you can no longer...and then, it will most likely fall apart with bitterness on both sides. She will have constant support and reinforcement from her church and her xian friends and her guilt from sinning will compound it all.

Please do not marry and do not have children together until you are firm in what you want for YOUR life. Why not try a trial separation and see what happens? It might be a relief for both of you and then you will know something important about the relationship.

I have not been privy to any relationship such as yours that had lasting happiness, in which the couple grows more alike and closer as the years pass, except one and that one was childless. Rearing children together has a tendency to bring all the bitterness oozing out of the core.

Best of luck to you both.

-Jeanne

"The Ox is slow, but the Earth is patient."
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04-05-2017, 10:45 AM
RE: Suddenly The Sex Stopped
Here's my take on it, FWIW:

The bond between two people in a committed relationship (married or not) is primary. Anything that detracts from that bond on a long-term fashion is, by definition, detrimental to that relationship.

True, there are times when the relationship takes second place to demands of parenting, or work, or community or national service. And in those situations, there's seldom a viable choice.

But the OP's SO, in this case, is making deliberate (possibly manipulative) choices to distance herself from her primary relationship. The fact that it's due to religion is irrelevant; it's the fact that she's making this deliberate and calculated choice knowing what the consequences may be.

That should tell the OP something; that his SO essentially doesn't take the relationship as seriously as himself.

I'm a big fan of watching what people do, rather than listening to what they say. In this case, regardless of what she says, her actions tell you everything you need to know.

Now, whether you're able to live with that is another question entirely. Personally, I wouldn't, but I'm not in your shoes so I can't really comment.
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04-05-2017, 10:51 AM
RE: Suddenly The Sex Stopped
(04-05-2017 10:45 AM)Heath_Tierney Wrote:  Here's my take on it, FWIW:

The bond between two people in a committed relationship (married or not) is primary. Anything that detracts from that bond on a long-term fashion is, by definition, detrimental to that relationship.

True, there are times when the relationship takes second place to demands of parenting, or work, or community or national service. And in those situations, there's seldom a viable choice.

But the OP's SO, in this case, is making deliberate (possibly manipulative) choices to distance herself from her primary relationship. The fact that it's due to religion is irrelevant; it's the fact that she's making this deliberate and calculated choice knowing what the consequences may be.

That should tell the OP something; that his SO essentially doesn't take the relationship as seriously as himself.

I'm a big fan of watching what people do, rather than listening to what they say. In this case, regardless of what she says, her actions tell you everything you need to know.

Now, whether you're able to live with that is another question entirely. Personally, I wouldn't, but I'm not in your shoes so I can't really comment.

This is why I love your posts Heath, you frequently point out stuff which technically as you explain it appears really obvious however no one else actually considered it except you. You help me to think more critically and a little outside the box of the patently obvious.
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04-05-2017, 10:56 AM
RE: Suddenly The Sex Stopped
(04-05-2017 10:51 AM)adey67 Wrote:  This is why I love your posts Heath, you frequently point out stuff which technically as you explain it appears really obvious however no one else actually considered it except you. You help me to think more critically and a little outside the box of the patently obvious.

Thanks, Adey67. I sincerely appreciate your kind words.
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