Sugar Coating Death For Children
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31-08-2013, 03:04 PM
Sugar Coating Death For Children
I've never understood it.

I Don't see why these countless advice columns all say the same thing; "Young children have a hard time understanding death, they may not fully comprehend the fact that this person is not coming back, try to explain it to them gently."

Or why people tell children that *loved one* has "gone away for a while", or, "Is with God now."


From what I remember, since I was about three, I had a fully formed concept of death, when a person dies they're gone, and they aren't coming back.

I Also seem to remember most other little kids I knew being similarly realistic about the subject.

This, among other things, pisses me off, Children are a lot smarter and can handle a lot more than people give them credit for.

I Will have My revenge on AlternateHistory.com, in this life or the next Evil_monster

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31-08-2013, 03:07 PM
RE: Sugar Coating Death For Children
(31-08-2013 03:04 PM)TheLastEnemy Wrote:  I've never understood it.

I Don't see why these countless advice columns all say the same thing; "Young children have a hard time understanding death, they may not fully comprehend the fact that this person is not coming back, try to explain it to them gently."

Or why people tell children that *loved one* has "gone away for a while", or, "Is with God now."


From what I remember, since I was about three, I had a fully formed concept of death, when a person dies they're gone, and they aren't coming back.

I Also seem to remember most other little kids I knew being similarly realistic about the subject.

This, among other things, pisses me off, Children are a lot smarter and can handle a lot more than people give them credit for.

I agree with that. I work with kids and most people seem to have totally incorrect views of them.

I can understand why people invoke God/Heaven though. I think it has the potential to make the bereavement a little easier. It's not something I'd do myself but I wouldn't condemn others for it either.

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31-08-2013, 03:38 PM
RE: Sugar Coating Death For Children
I saw the thread title, and thought of...

[Image: the-krispy-kreme-burger-combines-one-of-...-donut.jpg]

I AM he who is called... cat furniture.
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31-08-2013, 03:47 PM
RE: Sugar Coating Death For Children
For years I would stop at my paternal grandparents house just up the hill from my house when I was a child. When they died I was forced to stay at home during their funerals because I was too young. In adulthood I realized they were both colossal assholes but that does not matter, they were my grandparents, I wished I could be at their funerals,

I will not allow that my grandchildren not attend whatever is done when I die. I believe my children know that.

"if man never died how could everybody live", the Chi Lites 1972. Death is important in that it means the end of a life it also means there is space for another person, a person who has maybe greater benefit to the society.
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31-08-2013, 03:47 PM
RE: Sugar Coating Death For Children
My uncle died recently and my 6 year old cousin was at the funeral. They had told her that her uncle had died and she didn't seem sad at all. She knew he wasn't coming back. However, she was very confused at the funeral, seeing everyone around her crying. She obviously did not understand why everyone was so sad.

Before the funeral, she asked questions like "We'll never see him again? And we will all cry at the funeral?" but she didn't seem affected by the answers. For her it was something normal, he died, he's gone.

My uncle's daughter who is 11 was fully aware of what was happening (he had cancer for two years and she knew what was coming) and even though she cried of course, realizing she would never see her father again, she was able to handle it and not let it bring her down.

What I'm trying to say is, the little one seemed to be confused with all the crying, even though she knows that when you can't see someone you love you are sad (she lives in another city and when she has to leave she gets extremely sad when she realizes she won't be seeing me every day).
My uncle decided that his daughter (the 11 year old) must be prepared for his death, so he tried to "harden" her with tough love. I saw her breaking because of that (before his death), she could not possibly be tough enough for it (at least not more that any other kid her age).

I'm not quite sure about how children perceive death, but one should be careful anyway (especially in the case a parent or sibling dies), mostly because children are extremely vulnerable and dependent. Parting with someone you love is hard, not only with death. Even when a parent has to move for work, you'd try to be gentle about it and not expect the child to just "deal with it".

My grandmother (to whom I was very close) died when I was 5. I remember that she died, but I don't remember being sad about it. I remember crying only when I grew a bit older and realized she was really gone.

I only agree about the lies. "He's in heaven now" and all that shit. It's almost a crime.

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31-08-2013, 03:49 PM
Re: RE: Sugar Coating Death For Children
(31-08-2013 03:38 PM)I Am Wrote:  I saw the thread title, and thought of...

[Image: the-krispy-kreme-burger-combines-one-of-...-donut.jpg]

Funny looking at your post before the picture loaded made me think if:

..I can't do pics in my phone.. But the day of the dead, where at least supposedly according to my schools. You make candy shaped skill heads. That's sugar coated death that's okay to me.

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31-08-2013, 04:42 PM
RE: Sugar Coating Death For Children
I went to my uncle's funeral when I was 5, he died suddenly of a aneurism and I was in love with him, he treated me like a grown-up and always had time to play with me when all the other adults were busy with each other.

I understood when I was told he died, I understood he wouldn't come back, and I was sad because he was the coolest person I knew. I wasn't heart broken though.

Until - the funeral. It totally freaked me out. All these people were crying and I took it that some huge doom would befall us all because he was gone. I didn't understand that they were crying simply because he was gone, since it didn't make me cry, just sad. So I thought they were crying because of what would happen now that he was no more.

I was scared that the impending doom would hit any time after we went home, when I went out to play I'd be back in in a flash to make sure the doom hadn't hit yet. It took a long time (to me then, no idea how long it really was) before I approached my mom when we were alone and asked her when the doom was going to happen, and what it would be. She was obviously confused when I asked. It took some explaining on my part. I remember it all clear as day, and I barely remember things from that time in my life, only earth shaking events.

Seeing all the people you know, trust and love in one spot crying their eyes out and acting strangely can be very traumatic for a kid. I abhor funerals to this day and will find any excuse not to go. Didn't have one for my husband, don't want one for myself.

Not at all sure that it's a good idea for a kid to go to a funeral.

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31-08-2013, 04:46 PM
RE: Sugar Coating Death For Children
(31-08-2013 04:42 PM)Dom Wrote:  I went to my uncle's funeral when I was 5, he died suddenly of a aneurism and I was in love with him, he treated me like a grown-up and always had time to play with me when all the other adults were busy with each other.

I understood when I was told he died, I understood he wouldn't come back, and I was sad because he was the coolest person I knew. I wasn't heart broken though.

Until - the funeral. It totally freaked me out. All these people were crying and I took it that some huge doom would befall us all because he was gone. I didn't understand that they were crying simply because he was gone, since it didn't make me cry, just sad. So I thought they were crying because of what would happen now that he was no more.

I was scared that the impending doom would hit any time after we went home, when I went out to play I'd be back in in a flash to make sure the doom hadn't hit yet. It took a long time (to me then, no idea how long it really was) before I approached my mom when we were alone and asked her when the doom was going to happen, and what it would be. She was obviously confused when I asked. It took some explaining on my part. I remember it all clear as day, and I barely remember things from that time in my life, only earth shaking events.

Seeing all the people you know, trust and love in one spot crying their eyes out and acting strangely can be very traumatic for a kid. I abhor funerals to this day and will find any excuse not to go. Didn't have one for my husband, don't want one for myself.

Not at all sure that it's a good idea for a kid to go to a funeral.

Yes, I suppose a funeral might leave a lasting and negative impression on a kid.

When I was little, I hated funerals.

I Remember I only went to my aunt's funeral without complaining because I thought there would be donuts there. (Only now do I realize how horrible and fucked up that is.)

I Will have My revenge on AlternateHistory.com, in this life or the next Evil_monster

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31-08-2013, 04:57 PM
RE: Sugar Coating Death For Children
(31-08-2013 04:46 PM)TheLastEnemy Wrote:  I Remember I only went to my aunt's funeral without complaining because I thought there would be donuts there. (Only now do I realize how horrible and fucked up that is.)

Is it also fucked up that I laughed when I read this? Unsure

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31-08-2013, 05:42 PM (This post was last modified: 31-08-2013 05:57 PM by TheLastEnemy.)
RE: Sugar Coating Death For Children
(31-08-2013 04:57 PM)undergroundp Wrote:  
(31-08-2013 04:46 PM)TheLastEnemy Wrote:  I Remember I only went to my aunt's funeral without complaining because I thought there would be donuts there. (Only now do I realize how horrible and fucked up that is.)

Is it also fucked up that I laughed when I read this? Unsure

Nah.




Turned out there were no donuts.




I Was disappointed.

I Will have My revenge on AlternateHistory.com, in this life or the next Evil_monster

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