THE QUESTION (first date)
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20-11-2013, 02:28 PM
RE: THE QUESTION (first date)
(17-11-2013 01:57 PM)Raptor Jesus Wrote:  It happened again...First date and I'm asked straight up, "Do you believe in God".

I don't mind dating a religious person. How many choices do I really have in that regard anyway? But I always know it's over if they ask "Do you believe in God" on the first date, because if it matters enough for them to ask on a first date, it matters enough to them to not date you if you say "no".

I hate this question on a first date. I realize it's ultimately a relevant and important question...but why on the first date? I don't know how most of you handle it, if you are still in the dating world, or how you used to when you still were, but for me I try to let religion hang outside of the conversation, at least long enough to actually get to know each other without putting a filter over everything one says or does. I prefer the "do you believe in God" question to be a conversation and discussion over a period of time, so that you really understand my point of view, not just assume you know what that means about me. If you simply say "No" they add whatever preconceived notions of who you are prior to getting to know you. I've dated very religious girls, hand have been told, if they know on the first date that I was an atheist they never would have dated me. But know that they know me, they would have been so mad if they had choose not to get to know me for that reason alone, and they look at unbelief completely differently now than they ever did, even if they themselves are still religious.

How do you guys handle these questions. Do you just straight up say "no", do what I do and try to make sure they get to know you first before having these conversations, or just never bring it up, and just see what happens?

The actual date from last night is a long story, so I'll post it in the first reply down below...

I'm sorry you went through this. There is a prohibition against marrying a non-Christian in the NT. I think the mature and sincere Christian would ask you your stance before the first date was scheduled. That would solve their issue and yours.

I do have a romantic heart and I'm sincerely sorry you went through this and with several people.
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22-11-2013, 12:19 AM
RE: THE QUESTION (first date)
Chalk this up to pure inexperience, but I would have figured that you would know if someone is religious or not before you bothered to ask them out. I mean sure people pick up people at bars, but does anyone expect anything long term out of that.
I always thought of dating as merely an extension of friendship. Find someone who you can already spend most of your time with without resulting to small chat, then maybe ask them out. If you think about it, the intention of dating is to spend the rest of your life with someone. Dating can only end in two ways, marriage or break up. If you don't see yourself marrying a girl, why ask her out. Or more importantly, if you don't plan on marrying a girl your dating, why do you want to break up with them, and why not break up with them now and save everyone time and money. Instead of looking in bars look amongst your friends.
But then again my experience is incredibly limited. I never dated in high school since it was an all guys school. Now I'm currently in a university with only eighty people. And so people are rarely strangers. This means that most people just start hanging out as friends in a large group and then just slowly hang out alone more and more. There are very few surprise couples. Me and my girlfriend aren't even officially dating yet and I already knew well more then just her religion, which to be honest was easy to know since were all devout Catholics, I knew her grandfathers religion, her family's conversion, and tons of her personal life. I even talked to her brother last friday, which was supposed to be when it was made official but she as commitment issues, for very valid reasons.
Then again, I' m surrounded by people my age so I guess this style of dating is much easier

I'm homophobic in the same way that I'm arachnophobic. I'm not scared of gay people but I'm going to scream if I find one in my bath.

I'm. Also homophobic in the same way I'm arachnophobic. I'm scared of spiders but I'd still fuck'em.
- my friend Marc
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22-11-2013, 02:42 AM (This post was last modified: 22-11-2013 09:15 AM by Raptor Jesus.)
RE: THE QUESTION (first date)
(22-11-2013 12:19 AM)TarzanSmith Wrote:  Chalk this up to pure inexperience, but I would have figured that you would know if someone is religious or not before you bothered to ask them out. I mean sure people pick up people at bars, but does anyone expect anything long term out of that.
I always thought of dating as merely an extension of friendship. Find someone who you can already spend most of your time with without resulting to small chat, then maybe ask them out. If you think about it, the intention of dating is to spend the rest of your life with someone. Dating can only end in two ways, marriage or break up. If you don't see yourself marrying a girl, why ask her out. Or more importantly, if you don't plan on marrying a girl your dating, why do you want to break up with them, and why not break up with them now and save everyone time and money. Instead of looking in bars look amongst your friends.
But then again my experience is incredibly limited. I never dated in high school since it was an all guys school. Now I'm currently in a university with only eighty people. And so people are rarely strangers. This means that most people just start hanging out as friends in a large group and then just slowly hang out alone more and more. There are very few surprise couples. Me and my girlfriend aren't even officially dating yet and I already knew well more then just her religion, which to be honest was easy to know since were all devout Catholics, I knew her grandfathers religion, her family's conversion, and tons of her personal life. I even talked to her brother last friday, which was supposed to be when it was made official but she as commitment issues, for very valid reasons.
Then again, I' m surrounded by people my age so I guess this style of dating is much easier

Yeah...so...you're a kid...

Of course college is easy...its effing college. No one gives a fuck in college, and even if they do, they don't give a fuck. That's what made college great!

I don't know what college you go to that only has eight students, that's kind of weird.

...So yeah, just to clarify to everyone. I appreciate your advice. I've been given a lot of advice, but to be honest, I didn't really post this for advice, just commenting on a thing that happens. My real problem is not really Christians asking me if I believe in "God". It's more meeting crazy stupid girls, who are crazy and stupid.

I know, I should ask them in advance, "are you crazy, and/or stupid?" but I don't. So we end up going out on a date, and then I find out they are crazy, and/or stupid. Its just a strong "coincidence" that when they are crazy and/or stupid, they also happen to be Christian, religious, or "spiritual".

...
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22-11-2013, 06:46 AM
RE: THE QUESTION (first date)
Sorry, eighty

I'm homophobic in the same way that I'm arachnophobic. I'm not scared of gay people but I'm going to scream if I find one in my bath.

I'm. Also homophobic in the same way I'm arachnophobic. I'm scared of spiders but I'd still fuck'em.
- my friend Marc
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22-11-2013, 09:12 AM
RE: THE QUESTION (first date)
(22-11-2013 06:46 AM)TarzanSmith Wrote:  Sorry, eighty

Oops...sorry. You said you were still in school. I thought you were a kid. What kind of university has only 8 students in it.

...
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23-11-2013, 01:13 AM
RE: THE QUESTION (first date)
No, there was eighty students in my university. I'm 21.

I'm homophobic in the same way that I'm arachnophobic. I'm not scared of gay people but I'm going to scream if I find one in my bath.

I'm. Also homophobic in the same way I'm arachnophobic. I'm scared of spiders but I'd still fuck'em.
- my friend Marc
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