Tales of fucktard co-workers
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12-10-2016, 01:35 PM
RE: Tales of fucktard co-workers
(12-10-2016 01:21 PM)bemore Wrote:  I work in a small team of 7 people answering emails (although you wouldn't believe it reading my lazy grammar here)

We have a structered SLA (service level agreement) which basically, and logically, means working on the oldest emails in the queue first.

One of my colleagues is always staring into space, chatting shit and looking at his phone. For a few weeks I wondered how the fuck he was hitting his targets everyday and sometimes ending up with more than me.

So I decided to do some investigating and eventually discovered that whilst everybody was working at the back of the queue, he was working at the front. Cherry picking the really easy emails and spamming all of the spam emails.

When you spam an email, you put it into your name, click spam and it closes that particular case. Closing a case gives you +1 to your target.

So for the last two days I have loaded the programme we use into two browsers. One browser is at the front of the queue and the second browser is at the back and I alternate between the two throughout the day. When spam appears I just spam it, without putting it in anybodies name. When easy emails appear I just put them in my name so they disappear from the list and then the next day I just put them back in the queue where they end up in the middle or towards the back.

I could easily grass him up to my boss but that aint how I roll and grassing doesn't always bring the results one may expect. My method is a lot more entertaining.

Joe didn't hit his target yesterday or today Drinking Beverage

That's fucking devious! I love it! Bowing
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12-10-2016, 02:22 PM
RE: Tales of fucktard co-workers
Oh the tales I could tell.

I'll tell about Simple Simon.
When I was a bell man I worked with Simple. Nice guy just really, really slow. Not stupid, just it took him a long time to do things. I'd tell him a joke smile and knod when everyone else laughed. Then 4 to 5 hours later start laughing for aparently no reason. But was because he had just got the joke. If a bag run would take us 10 - 15mins that's including pick up from the storage room, heading up the elevator to the room, accomidating the guest and their needs and reaturing, it would take him 45 - 60min. His sense of humor was off.

For example.
Simple: Hey Sensei.
Sensei: Yes Simon.
Simple: Did you hear?
Sensei: Hear what Simon?
Simple: Leslie Nielsen died.
Sensei: Yeah? That's sad. He was funny. But he was in his 80's so it just was his time I suppose.
Simple: Nay. I'm just joking he's not dead.
Sensei: ... Why would you joke about that?
Simple: Ha! I got you good.
Sensei: ? Simon, that wasn't a joke. You just told me someone famous died. You didn't have a punch line you just lied.
Simple: Yeah, Punk'd you so good.

A week later Leslie Nielsen really died.

I also remember one day we were standing at our posts. He shouted across the room. until I took notice.

Simple: "Hey Sensei! Sensei!

Sensei: Yes Simon.

Simple: I just yawned 5 times.

Sensei: " Blink what?"

Simple: "I just Yawned 5 times. In a row."

That was it. That's all he wanted to tell me. And he was very please that I did.

He eventually got fired because he kept clocking in late. Simple solution. If you find yourself comeing to work late you need to leave the house earlier. He blamed it on traffic. But we both lived in the same town.He'd be on sight but it took him forever to swipe his badge in. He'd wouldn't walk up to the clock till it was too late. And even after all the warnings he continued to clock in the same way.

The funny thing is. We have a point system. 10 points and you fired. no if an's or but's. Some how he had accumulated 18 points. But some how no one noticed. So because they made the mistake they gave him one more chance. And the next day, fired. He didn't learn, he clocked in late for the last time.

Don't Live each day like it's your last. Live each day like you have 541 days after that one where every choice you make will have lasting implications to you and the world around you. ~ Tim Minchin
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12-10-2016, 04:50 PM
RE: Tales of fucktard co-workers
I've fired people for stealing, for smoking out on the job, for bringing their infant nephew into my adult store because they had to babysit, for sexual harrassment, for being twatbiscuits, for drinking on the job, for threatening coworkers, for incompetence, for telling a customer to GFY.

I think "high treason" is probably the only reason I haven't had to deal with a fucktard coworker.
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12-10-2016, 04:57 PM
RE: Tales of fucktard co-workers
(12-10-2016 04:50 PM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  I've fired people for stealing, for smoking out on the job, for bringing their infant nephew into my adult store because they had to babysit, for sexual harrassment, for being twatbiscuits, for drinking on the job, for threatening coworkers, for incompetence, for telling a customer to GFY.

I think "high treason" is probably the only reason I haven't had to deal with a fucktard coworker.
what's GFY please?



Also @bemore I salut you. You da boss. I like your brain. Bowing

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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12-10-2016, 05:21 PM
RE: Tales of fucktard co-workers
(12-10-2016 04:57 PM)Leela Wrote:  
(12-10-2016 04:50 PM)Thumpalumpacus Wrote:  I've fired people for stealing, for smoking out on the job, for bringing their infant nephew into my adult store because they had to babysit, for sexual harrassment, for being twatbiscuits, for drinking on the job, for threatening coworkers, for incompetence, for telling a customer to GFY.

I think "high treason" is probably the only reason I haven't had to deal with a fucktard coworker.
what's GFY please?



Also @bemore I salut you. You da boss. I like your brain. Bowing

I believe it's short for" Go fuck yourself".

“The first duty of a man is to think for himself” ― José Martí
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12-10-2016, 06:22 PM
RE: Tales of fucktard co-workers
(12-10-2016 05:21 PM)Marozz Wrote:  I believe it's short for" Go fuck yourself".
Oh! Ok... I think if my employee said that to my customer, I'd show him the door immediately... wow...

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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13-10-2016, 02:29 PM (This post was last modified: 13-10-2016 02:33 PM by Loom.)
RE: Tales of fucktard co-workers
Not a co-worker persay but...I work as a cashier in the garden center of our store. Semi-trucks bringing in deliveries normally take the side-road by the garden center in order to reach the back.

One day, I'm helping check out a customer when a massive semi parks directly in front of the garden center entrance--blocking the way.

A middle-aged man hops out and saunters up to the register, standing uncomfortably close directly behind me. I finish helping my customer before turning to him. I get a clipboard shoved in my face.

"You sign, okay?" He says in a thick Russian accent.

"Oh, sorry, I'm just a cashier. I think you need to drive to the back and have them sig--"

"You don't sign, I don't deliver!"

"Yes, sir, but I am just a cashier. I have no authority to sign off on delivery paperwork. You have to pull around to the ba--"

"I don't deliver!!"

And he stormed away and drove off. I let the delivery receiving managers know about it and they thought it was weird too.

Since when do lowly garden center cashiers sign off on giant semi-truck deliveries? I hope he got chewed out by his supervisor.

Ignorance is not to be ignored.

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13-10-2016, 05:23 PM
RE: Tales of fucktard co-workers
I wonder how many people I've worked with would put me on the list.

'Murican Canadian
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13-10-2016, 06:02 PM (This post was last modified: 13-10-2016 06:06 PM by Leerob.)
RE: Tales of fucktard co-workers
I have another one about nr 3 from my OP.
He recently made it on my shit list.
So in the beginning of me being this quality poc, it was very difficult to make him do his job. And I remember at some point, reminding him that yelling "I don't have time for this" is not valid reason or acceptable behaviour because this is his job and he is currently at work (i said it in more professional words) and his reply back then was "You don't tell me that this is my job, a lead has to tell me that"
My brain was wtf-ing because basically he had now asked me to have a teamlead tell him off... just wow.
(the funny part is that I actually have received authorization for this when they gave me this role. In matters of quality, he reports to me and has to do what I tell him to. and that is the reason why my lead also wtf-ed when I told her about the scene he had made)
But wait!
*gasp*
there is more!
So today we had this meeting where I had to clarify a few things and adress some feedback I had received.
background info keeping it short.
We have employees who do a job. We have auditors (like nr 3 right here) who check if employees do it all correctly. If something is done wrong, the auditor give the employee an error. If the employee disagrees with that error, they can make an appeal to have it checked again.
So in this appeal they have to explain why they made a certain decision on the ticket and they have to back it up with policy / training material.
So in the meeting today, this is what I reinforced. I had 12 auditors in the room, one of them nr 3.
I say the thing and he is like "but that makes it more work for the employees though too" and EVERYBODY WAS ROLLING THEIR EYES
Why? you may ask.
Well he is a lazy as fuck and he is doing it wrong himself all the time. Also he has a personality where nothing can be accepted, no matter how much sense it makes right. So He needs to fight everything and every one.
Though he is currently learning, slowly, that this type of behaviour bounces right off me. I have tamed him to a certain degree already. Give it another week and he may be good.

"Freedom is the freedom to say that 2+2=4" - George Orwell (in 1984)
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13-10-2016, 10:18 PM
RE: Tales of fucktard co-workers
(12-10-2016 06:22 PM)Leela Wrote:  
(12-10-2016 05:21 PM)Marozz Wrote:  I believe it's short for" Go fuck yourself".
Oh! Ok... I think if my employee said that to my customer, I'd show him the door immediately... wow...

Well, yeah ... that's exactly what happened.
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