Tarring at wounds and poking at bruises
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14-03-2012, 02:19 AM
Tarring at wounds and poking at bruises
Almost three years ago I lost my mom, I was 15 and it was suddenly at a family reunion. Ever since then it freaks me out every time my dad got sick. He was in the army for 22 years so hes been through the ringer and paid for it. Saturday he told the family that he was going in to have a surgery that he should have had back in 08 (the year my mom died) for some injury’s he got during his deployments. He told us that the surgery would only be 2 hours then he would stay there for the night, he also asked us not to tell anyone, he felt it wasn’t any ones else’s business. (didn’t even tell us until a few days before it >:/ )

I dropped him off this morning and he texted us all later in the evening telling us that he was ok. My sister accidentally let it slip to her friend(a church member) that he was in the hospital and because of it we’ve gotten a few calls already. Im an atheist in a Mormon family and its frelling frustrating.

Though hes out of surgery and is fine, im still horrified and crying. I didn’t even like my mom and her death really affected me, I don’t know what I would do if I lost my dad. ive come to terms with my mom’s death, but lately with everything that’s been happening to my dad it almost feels like im going to go through it all again. I honestly don’t think im going to be able to sleep tonight.

i am getting snot everywhere Dodgy

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14-03-2012, 02:36 AM
RE: Tarring at wounds and poking at bruises
Sad Hope it all works out.

At least he made it through the surgery OK.
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14-03-2012, 02:41 AM
RE: Tarring at wounds and poking at bruises
(14-03-2012 02:36 AM)morondog Wrote:  Sad Hope it all works out.

At least he made it through the surgery OK.

thanks, i hope my eyes arnt sore tomorrow lol

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14-03-2012, 09:51 AM
RE: Tarring at wounds and poking at bruises
Best wishes to you and your family. You can talk about stuff here if you can't elsewhere. It must be difficult to deal with; I know it's scary to have family in the hospital.
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14-03-2012, 09:54 AM
RE: Tarring at wounds and poking at bruises
Hey Sel, it's good to share this stuff with us, especially when your extended family can't understand what you're going through. Keep us posted and we'll do what we can to support you through the higher power of the interwebs.
Keep hanging in there. Your dad and family will need your support as well.

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14-03-2012, 12:11 PM
RE: Tarring at wounds and poking at bruises
Many people here can understand what it's like to go through death being an atheist, and also being surrounded by theist grievers.

Take life one day at a time and enjoy that today your dad is healthy and here to spend time with. The greatest comfort after are the good memories.
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14-03-2012, 02:46 PM
RE: Tarring at wounds and poking at bruises
So what was the surgery? I would be researching this so either it would put my mind at ease, or it would give me points to research what to do if it didn't go right (best surgeons in the field etc).

I found that research always helps, knowledge empowers, regardless of what you are facing.

It sounds like you never properly grieved your mom. You probably really need this time, snot or no snot, it all has to bubble to the surface someday. This may be a good thing, maybe you will be able to properly grieve your mom now and it will be an easier path from here out.

When you have suppressed grief, it will be retriggered until it is dealt with. And the only way to deal with it is to let it happen. Maybe hide out someplace with a bunch of pics of your mom and let it flow. You won't heal without it, it's not a mental thing, it's a bodily function and you can only suppress it for so long. Most people don't get that grief is a physical thing, it's not all in your head at all.

Since anything that remotely reminds you of your mom and the surrounding circumstances can trigger the grief, and since it becomes harder and harder to control, you will find yourself getting teary eyed more often in increasingly unfitting situations. So, best to get it over with and let your grief take you where it may in a setting that you can control.

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14-03-2012, 03:54 PM
RE: Tarring at wounds and poking at bruises
I hope it will all work out.

In the meantime, don't be hard on yourself to try and play the though guy. If tears come, let them come... no need to overstress yourself...

Observer

Agnostic atheist
Secular humanist
Emotional rationalist
Disclaimer: Don’t mix the personal opinion above with the absolute and objective truth. Remember to think for yourself. Thank you.
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