Telling My Parents?
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27-01-2015, 04:09 PM
Telling My Parents?
So I am thirteen years old, and my parents are VERY religious. We go to a place of worship twice a week, and go door to door at least once a week (which is very hard for me because I have social anxiety). I have thought about this for a long time, and I no longer believe in God. If I tell my parents, they will take me to talk with the elders in our congregation and try to convince me to believe in God. Even now, when I graduate, I am only allowed to go to a community college for 2 years. I can't get together with any of my friends from school because they don't follow my parents' religion. When we go to a midweek religious meeting, it lasts until about 9:30 pm, and we don't get home until around 11:30 most times. This interferes a lot with my sleep schedule and my performance in school the next day. I have nothing against the people in this religion but a lot of the people I know would be mad/disappointed if I told them. I feel like my parents at least have a right to know what I believe but that they would take it as rejecting them, not just rejecting their religion. Right now I am pretending that I still believe in God but it's hard because I don't agree with a good portion of their teachings. I need advice on what to do! (By the way, my friends at school know that I am an atheist and support that so I have about three people who know.)
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27-01-2015, 05:00 PM
RE: Telling My Parents?
I can remember this conumdrum. I was just a bit older than you when I came to the same realization. One difference - I hadn't told anyone - and that throws a bit of a curveball to this. The only way a secret stays secret - is if you don't tell ANYONE. You're probably ok for a while - but eventually word will get back to your parents. People talk - it's just the way it is. Fortunately - you didn't kill anyone, rob a bank, or take up playing bagpipes on the sly - so your secret isn't THAT juicy, so it's not terrific gossip....... This makes the other kids less likely to talk. Don't bring it up again - and they might forget about it. It's way more important to you than it is to them.

But, the big question -- what to do?

Eventually - you have to come clean and tell them - but - your motivation for not telling them bears a great deal on it. If you're simply afraid of reprisal - then your motives aren't quite as good. If your motivation is to prevent your parents discomfort from finding out that you don't believe as they do - then I'd say your motives are better.

Lying isn't ever the preferred tactic - but sometimes a bit of strategic dishonesty can spare people pain.

I guess if it bothers you - AND - you can still sleep at night - you're somewhere close to the right balance.

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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27-01-2015, 05:29 PM
RE: Telling My Parents?
(27-01-2015 04:09 PM)anilee2016 Wrote:  So I am thirteen years old, and my parents are VERY religious. We go to a place of worship twice a week, and go door to door at least once a week (which is very hard for me because I have social anxiety). I have thought about this for a long time, and I no longer believe in God. If I tell my parents, they will take me to talk with the elders in our congregation and try to convince me to believe in God. Even now, when I graduate, I am only allowed to go to a community college for 2 years. I can't get together with any of my friends from school because they don't follow my parents' religion. When we go to a midweek religious meeting, it lasts until about 9:30 pm, and we don't get home until around 11:30 most times. This interferes a lot with my sleep schedule and my performance in school the next day. I have nothing against the people in this religion but a lot of the people I know would be mad/disappointed if I told them. I feel like my parents at least have a right to know what I believe but that they would take it as rejecting them, not just rejecting their religion. Right now I am pretending that I still believe in God but it's hard because I don't agree with a good portion of their teachings. I need advice on what to do! (By the way, my friends at school know that I am an atheist and support that so I have about three people who know.)

You sound like a very mature 13-year-old. It might be difficult, but you might want to steer them to your OP. Either show them online or print it out and hand it to them. Tell them that you wrote it.

You obviously love your parents, or this would not be so hard for you. Make sure they know that, too.

Good luck.
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27-01-2015, 05:40 PM
RE: Telling My Parents?
This is the teen section, while grown-ups aren't prohibited from posting or commenting here -- it's really a spot where teens can talk among themselves and commiserate.

Thanks for your understanding.


But as if to knock me down, reality came around
And without so much as a mere touch, cut me into little pieces

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27-01-2015, 06:00 PM
RE: Telling My Parents?
Hey Anilee,

My name Steven, and I was about your age when I lost my faith. Here is my story, along with some advice that might help you: http://www.thethinkingatheist.com/forum/...icle-by-A2

I am currently on my mobile, but I will check back when I can on my desktop to respond ro any and all questions. I am seventeen currently, and the road I took can help you decide which is good for you.

[Image: 0013382F-E507-48AE-906B-53008666631C-757...cc3639.jpg]
Credit goes to UndercoverAtheist.
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28-01-2015, 03:44 PM
RE: Telling My Parents?
Alrigty, I am on my computer (my internet has been having problems lately), and I just want to make sure that you are aware that each circumstance is different, but you might be driven by some of the same urges to come out as I have. Your family is way more religious than mine ever was, but I saw coming out as not only a hopeful escape, but a respect issue.

Regardless of whatever your reasons are, make sure that you coming out definitely benefits you more than it harms. I can't stress enough that you make sure your theoretical benefits actually are realistic. If you plan on this being an escape, will coming out make that a reality? If not, will it make it worse?

If your parents are as religious as I think they are (judging from what you supplied me with), I think you should consider all of that before making a decision.

[Image: 0013382F-E507-48AE-906B-53008666631C-757...cc3639.jpg]
Credit goes to UndercoverAtheist.
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21-03-2016, 01:20 PM
RE: Telling My Parents?
Although I feel your struggle, this makes me feel better; I'm also a closeted atheist in a religious household. Like you, I've told some friends, however, I was very selective as to who I told since many of them are believers.

Try telling your parents there's someone at your school who is an atheist and wait for a reaction. If they begin ranting or criticizing, you should probably wait to tell them. The consequences are very serious so you may want to wait. Should you decided to reveal your secular beliefs be prepared for the worst: being shunned. While lying isn't easy, it's easier than fending for yourself. Good luck
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