Telling my family tomorrow… maybe (any ex-LDS? Help needed)
Post Reply
 
Thread Rating:
  • 0 Votes - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
07-06-2011, 03:33 PM
Telling my family tomorrow… maybe (any ex-LDS? Help needed)
So I think I might have to tell my family sooner that I wanted to. My family is LDS (or Mormon is you prefer)and this weekend the youth is going to the temple to do baptisms for the dead (f.y.i. theres no actual dead bodies involved, lol). In order to go into the temple you need a ‘Temple Recommend’ from your bishop, and being that I don’t subscribe to the faith, I can’t really get one. The last few times there were temple trips I’ve managed to make up some excuse but my dad has reminded my three times in the past two day that I need to get my Recommend to go this week end.

I’ve held off on telling them this long mostly because my mom passed away somewhat recently and my dad heavily relies on the churches belief that if you get married in the temple you are ‘sealed’ to that person forever. If my dad were to look actually look at the religion, I think he wouldn’t believe it anymore and I don’t think he can handle that right now on top of everything else he has to deal with.

If push comes to shove I’ll make my stand and tell my family the truth about what I believe. I don’t want them think that I’m doing this just because it a phase, or as my sister would say, ‘just to annoy people’ (god forbid I annoy people by asking questions!) I don’t care if they agree with me, I just want them to understand where I’m coming from. (most of my family were never really die-hard mormons)

Every time i I point out a contradiction to my sisters, they dismiss it and say we have a living prophet that speaks the truths for our times, (so old things don’t apply?) so I’m looking more at the atrocities in the bible but I think all they’ll say is pray about it to know if it is true. They both know more ‘church history’ that I do and am not sure I could get them to understand why I don’t believe it.

Reasons to come out
I’ll be honest with myself and with what I believe, I’ll be happy because I won’t have to hid my beliefs, and won’t feel pressured by the church, and I need to stop procrastinating (got to start eventually… lol)

Reasons not to
Dad relies on it, little sister will hate me and still not help out at home(causing more pain for dad), I’ll have to say bye-bye to the culture I’m familiar with(I can live with that though). Dad paid for EFY conference already, it more than $400 and I’m sure its non refundable.
Sorry it so long…

Google is one of my best friends Heart
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-06-2011, 06:28 PM
RE: Telling my family tomorrow… maybe (any ex-LDS? Help needed)
Consider this - Your parents and sister are blind since birth.
Not having seen anything their whole life and they do not believe that you can see.
No amount of convincing will change their mind.
But it does not make them right. You are right.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
[+] 1 user Likes TheAtheist's post
07-06-2011, 09:05 PM
 
RE: Telling my family tomorrow… maybe (any ex-LDS? Help needed)
Power to you. Its a hard choice. An important one. I wish I had put more thought into it when I told my family...

Well I had to tell them multiple times before they got it. Apparently it was two different things. It was one thing not to believe in God, but a year later when I offhandedly referred to myself as an Atheist, my mother flipped. Apparently I hadn't made that clear in that year of openly not believing in god or the church.

Ahem.

It didnt sit as well as I thought it would. Blind with youthful idealism and naivety I thought my mother would disagree, but respect my choice. I knew my grandfather would handle it poorly, but I assumed he too would respect that I could make my own life decisions and actually listen to why I didn't believe.

Dead wrong.

Perhaps other parents and grandparents are different, but to mine I am merely undergoing a phase. To my grandfather I have been brainwashed. Apparently as a child I told him that I 'knew there was a god, duh'. So everything that has changed since then is the result of some evil influence. I dont know if your family is similar, but speaking from my experience, prepare to hear that you have been swayed, brainwashed, influenced, possessed, mislead, etc etc etc. That your own thoughts, if in conflict with theirs, arn't your own.

Also, if you can, don't let on that you take part in a forum like this or follow atheist channels on youtube or... whatever kind of support network you have. Unless you live on your own and have total control over your net connection/access. My mother[and later my grandfather when I lived with him] decided that in order to save my soul, the evil whispers of the Devil-bound internet must be removed from my ears.

I left my mother's house when this happened, and two years later am just now starting to build my life. If I could go back, I'd keep quiet for a year until I was able to get into college. But hindsight is 20/20.

She still doesnt have internet, though that hurts my siblings, not me. When they are old enough for me to talk to without them going to their mother with what I say, I will work to present them the alternatives to religion.

The point of all that is... dont rush this. Unless you are in a position where you can live without the support of your family... you have to guard this information closely. It may not be the noble or truthful thing to do, but when they are the people paying for your food, net, possibly your future in school... I wish I had kept my mouth shut. Just for a bit until I could afford to tell the truth without setting myself back. Perhaps cowardly, but for me personally, it would have been the most tactful option. I was filled with a passion for truth and a raging desire to be seen and accepted as my own individual. I did not have the experience to temper that passion.

All that said, I dont presume to tell you what I think you should do. We each have our own experiences and situations and your family may well be totally cool bros. Just think about it. If for you, any negative outcome is worth having this out in the open, you have the support of hundreds to tell you are doing the right thing. And as much as my good will count for anything, you have my support. [About as useful as prayers, but it does feel nice to know people support your right to your opinions]. I felt the need to play the voice of caution.

Either way, good luck to you.
Quote this message in a reply
[+] 2 users Like Cube's post
07-06-2011, 09:34 PM
RE: Telling my family tomorrow… maybe (any ex-LDS? Help needed)
Thanks Cube, thats actually pretty helpful.
My family doesn't know about TTA or any of the other things im looking into, probably just think i'm doing more bible study. I don't think i would be kicked out or have internet disconnected, but it might sway my dad away from helping me with school in the future. I think i'll just say i dont want to go for personal reasons and try to leave it at that until im really ready to tell them. i'll try to make sure i have all the ingredient before i stir the pot.

Thank you.

Google is one of my best friends Heart
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-06-2011, 09:47 PM
RE: Telling my family tomorrow… maybe (any ex-LDS? Help needed)
"To my grandfather I have been brainwashed." That is so ironic.

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forego their use." - Galileo

"Every man is guilty of all the good he did not do." - Voltaire
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-06-2011, 09:50 PM
RE: Telling my family tomorrow… maybe (any ex-LDS? Help needed)
I had a different need to mention as a child so my experience in some ways was probably more demanded. being a girl was something so important to me that I just flung myself into school as a girl and that was that. It actually really helped in my circumstance that I didn't go to my parents with it. My parents are rather accepting (though they were never very active parents) so I didn't have too much to fear, but it was still a demand I be male from the beginning. I was seen as non-religious since 6 years old when my mother gave up on getting me into church.

You've said yourself that you're not ready to talk about it, so don't. It's a hard thing to do, and you shouldn't put yourself at risk unless you seriously have to. I was ready to be without a home when I declared I was a girl, it was such a strong need. Going to this church thing will be better than punishments like more extensive study, religious counseling, being sent to youth groups. If you are not ready and don't "have" to tell them then wait it out. What you're trying to avoid currently is most likely much smaller than what you'll get if you declare your atheism.

I'm not a non believer, I believe in the possibility of anything. I just don't let the actuality of something be determined by a 3rd party.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
07-06-2011, 09:51 PM
 
RE: Telling my family tomorrow… maybe (any ex-LDS? Help needed)
I'm fortunate enough to have a family who very loosely adheres to Christianity, so telling them hasn't changed much for me. The only difficult conflict I've had is any conversation with my dad about religion since I de-converted. He is particularly attached to his beliefs, and from what I can tell scared of losing them, which makes him very defensive. So I don't really have much experience to share, I can offer my opinion based on what little experience I do have.

I think the reaction you get will depend on how easily your family can reconcile their beliefs with their feelings for you. My dad decided that since god is fair, he wouldn't send a good person like me to hell, hence my lack of belief is not something he needs to feel distressed about. If you are going through with this, then I think they'll have the easiest time accepting what you say if it's easy for them to rationalize. Perhaps you could talk to your father about the issue of god judging people solely based on their faith before telling him you no longer have any. It might give you an idea of how he'll react.

Chances are you already know how he feels, so you can probably predict how he would try to resolve the conflict. If someone can't convince themselves that it isn't anything to worry about, they may end up getting angry at you as the source of their internal conflict. But I'm just guessing how someone deals with this, I've no idea if what I'm saying is accurate. It just seems to fit with my limited observations.

They'll probably react by telling you or themselves that you'll come around or that it is just a phase, and although you may want to avoid that (and I don't blame you, it's condescending and annoying as hell), it still prevents a more hostile conflict. So your best bet may be to take it in stages; tell them you're an atheist or agnostic and let them think what they want while they get used to it, and then be more confrontational if necessary so that they understand you aren't just going through a phase.

So, whatever you decide to do, I hope all goes well. Best of luck to you!
Quote this message in a reply
08-06-2011, 04:54 AM
RE: Telling my family tomorrow… maybe (any ex-LDS? Help needed)
Just be gentle to your family, don't try to convert them, just explain your situation. You don't believe in that God and you can not, no matter how hard you try. If they try to force you, it's only going to be worse and it goes against their beliefs. So stay calm and try to find a middle ground with them.

[Image: a6505fe8.jpg]
I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
-Hunter S. Thompson
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
08-06-2011, 04:41 PM
RE: Telling my family tomorrow… maybe (any ex-LDS? Help needed)
(07-06-2011 09:50 PM)Lilith Pride Wrote:  You've said yourself that you're not ready to talk about it, so don't. It's a hard thing to do, and you shouldn't put yourself at risk unless you seriously have to. ... If you are not ready and don't "have" to tell them then wait it out. What you're trying to avoid currently is most likely much smaller than what you'll get if you declare your atheism.

I'm with Lilith here. What they don't know won't hurt them or you. Atheists are not "made", we just happen. Just smile bemusedly and go along to get along when the talk turns to religion and metaphysics. And just enjoy the ritual pomp and circumstance as entertainment. They do have a damn good choir after all. Smile

As it was in the beginning is now and ever shall be, world without end. Amen.
And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you;
I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
Find all posts by this user
Like Post Quote this message in a reply
08-06-2011, 04:50 PM
 
Heart RE: Telling my family tomorrow… maybe (any ex-LDS? Help needed)
Seljusisk, Everyone is responsible for living their personal truth. You can't fake it so as to please your father nor the rest of your family. If they believe in god, they know that god would know you're faking and not sincerely in the Mormon faith.

Be strong and sensitive at the same time. Your dad is going through a lot, with the recent loss of your mom. He could see this as a loss of his child too, in some way. Still, you can't pretend just to make other than yourself happy.

(HUGS) I wish you strength and peace. And you have my deepest sympathy for your loss. Sad
Quote this message in a reply
Post Reply
Forum Jump: