Terrible Flirt Thread
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11-07-2017, 01:03 PM
RE: Terrible Flirt Thread
I am a complete dummy when it comes to flirting, mainly because I am socially very very awkward, especially when I like someone that way.
If someone flirts with me, I absolutely don't get it. I might get it the next day but that's too late.
And when I want to flirt I am either too blunt or too quiet about it.

Anyway
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11-07-2017, 01:10 PM (This post was last modified: 11-07-2017 01:26 PM by jennybee.)
RE: Terrible Flirt Thread
Another time I went out on a first date with a guy--who was also a police officer (we got set up by his sister-in-law who was my co-worker and thought we would be *perfect* for each other-you know how that goes Hobo ).

Anyway, we had an okay first date, but we were sitting in my car and I think he wanted to kiss me, but for some reason I decided my hands were dry (it was winter) or maybe I was nervous...I dunno, but anyway, I grabbed my hand cream and squirted out the tube and I had to tap it a little because it didn't feel like there was a ton left... but apparently there was some left as it squirted like a mofo all over him and made the fart noise Blush Laugh out load
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11-07-2017, 01:40 PM
RE: Terrible Flirt Thread
(11-07-2017 10:37 AM)jennybee Wrote:  In another awkward flirting adventure, I got pulled over by a cop and when he got back with my license he smiled and said "Your picture doesn't do you justice." I asked if that meant I got out of the ticket Wink He smiled and said he still had to do his job. That fucker still gave me a ticket. Angry Tongue

Oh Jenny, you can get out of a traffic ticket depending on what you're wearing. That tight skirt, high heeled shoes and smokey eye makeup I mentioned in my other post?
It got me out of TWO traffic tickets.

I was stopped by a cop car about 2 in the morning on my way home from a big party. I was speeding to get home because I was tired. The cop got out of his car to give me a speeding ticket and I hiked up my skirt a couple more inches before he got to the window of my car. I smmmmiiilllleeeed soooooo purdy at him, Big Grin Heart Big Grin and apologized in my most feminine voice. He didn't give me a ticket, just a warning.

It happened another time. Different skirt and shoes, same make up......no ticket.

Then one time I made an illegal U turn and was pulled over. I had on a baggy/crappy pair of blue jeans and a sloppy shirt, no makeup. I got a big ole ticket along with a stern look!

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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11-07-2017, 01:48 PM
RE: Terrible Flirt Thread
(11-07-2017 01:40 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  
(11-07-2017 10:37 AM)jennybee Wrote:  In another awkward flirting adventure, I got pulled over by a cop and when he got back with my license he smiled and said "Your picture doesn't do you justice." I asked if that meant I got out of the ticket Wink He smiled and said he still had to do his job. That fucker still gave me a ticket. Angry Tongue

Oh Jenny, you can get out of a traffic ticket depending on what you're wearing. That tight skirt, high heeled shoes and smokey eye makeup I mentioned in my other post?
It got me out of TWO traffic tickets.

I was stopped by a cop car about 2 in the morning on my way home from a big party. I was speeding to get home because I was tired. The cop got out of his car to give me a speeding ticket and I hiked up my skirt a couple more inches before he got to the window of my car. I smmmmiiilllleeeed soooooo purdy at him, Big Grin Heart Big Grin and apologized in my most feminine voice. He didn't give me a ticket, just a warning.

It happened another time. Different skirt and shoes, same make up......no ticket.

Then one time I made an illegal U turn and was pulled over. I had on a baggy/crappy pair of blue jeans and a sloppy shirt, no makeup. I got a big ole ticket along with a stern look!

I need to borrow that outfit Wink I got out of tickets before just never with a nice compliment and then BAM! ticket anyway Dodgy But he was still cute Tongue
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11-07-2017, 01:53 PM
RE: Terrible Flirt Thread
(11-07-2017 12:49 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(11-07-2017 12:43 PM)god has no twitter account Wrote:  After he gave you a ticket, you should have asked him if he liked having land.

If he said yes, you should have kicked him in his nuts and told him "there's two acres for a start".

(An Acre is a UK unit of land and is 4,840 square yards).

And then asked for his number after? Consider Tongue

No, I think that he already had your number - given that he still gave you a ticket!Big Grin

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11-07-2017, 01:58 PM
RE: Terrible Flirt Thread
(11-07-2017 01:48 PM)jennybee Wrote:  
(11-07-2017 01:40 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  Oh Jenny, you can get out of a traffic ticket depending on what you're wearing. That tight skirt, high heeled shoes and smokey eye makeup I mentioned in my other post?
It got me out of TWO traffic tickets.

I was stopped by a cop car about 2 in the morning on my way home from a big party. I was speeding to get home because I was tired. The cop got out of his car to give me a speeding ticket and I hiked up my skirt a couple more inches before he got to the window of my car. I smmmmiiilllleeeed soooooo purdy at him, Big Grin Heart Big Grin and apologized in my most feminine voice. He didn't give me a ticket, just a warning.

It happened another time. Different skirt and shoes, same make up......no ticket.

Then one time I made an illegal U turn and was pulled over. I had on a baggy/crappy pair of blue jeans and a sloppy shirt, no makeup. I got a big ole ticket along with a stern look!

I need to borrow that outfit Wink I got out of tickets before just never with a nice compliment and then BAM! ticket anyway Dodgy But he was still cute Tongue

I knew a gal who gave a cop a blow job to get out of a ticket. She did it in his cop car with the traffic going by. I wonder how often that actually happens. Consider Anyway, I wasn't going to go that far but batting my eyelashes and showing some leg? Yes! A little leg work is worth not getting an $80 dollar ticket.

Shakespeare's Comedy of Errors.... on Donald J. Trump:

He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
Ill-fac’d, worse bodied, shapeless every where;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind,
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
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11-07-2017, 02:06 PM
RE: Terrible Flirt Thread
(11-07-2017 01:58 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  
(11-07-2017 01:48 PM)jennybee Wrote:  I need to borrow that outfit Wink I got out of tickets before just never with a nice compliment and then BAM! ticket anyway Dodgy But he was still cute Tongue

I knew a gal who gave a cop a blow job to get out of a ticket. She did it in his cop car with the traffic going by. I wonder how often that actually happens. Consider Anyway, I wasn't going to go that far but batting my eyelashes and showing some leg? Yes! A little leg work is worth not getting an $80 dollar ticket.

Yeah if that was my option, I'd just pay the ticket.

*I was going to add this smiley Yes but a bobbing smiley doesn't really work well with your previous post about bj's Laugh out load
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11-07-2017, 02:06 PM
RE: Terrible Flirt Thread
(11-07-2017 01:58 PM)dancefortwo Wrote:  I knew a gal who gave a cop a blow job to get out of a ticket. She did it in his cop car with the traffic going by. I wonder how often that actually happens. Consider Anyway, I wasn't going to go that far but batting my eyelashes and showing some leg? Yes! A little leg work is worth not getting an $80 dollar ticket.

There was a cop from Kent

Whose dick was incredibly bent

To save a woman some trouble

He put it in double

Instead of him coming, he went.Smile

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11-07-2017, 05:20 PM
RE: Terrible Flirt Thread
When married people flirt:

I once asked my husband what his favorite thing for me to dress in was. Now fellas, pay attention here and go ahead and try to learn from his mistake, okay?

Examples of Acceptable answers:
Oh honey I like you best nekkid.
Oh babe, any kind of lingerie is good with me.
I love the way you look no matter what you're wearing.

Unacceptable answer:
A detailed description of a dress I have never owned, that started with "Remember that navy blue dress that..."

Where are we going and why am I in this hand basket?
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11-07-2017, 06:09 PM
RE: Terrible Flirt Thread
[Image: 2605e34cd6a95541162d5c531e4eb42d--flirty...ecards.jpg]

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