Terrorist to be Tried in Civil Court, GOP Outrage
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15-10-2013, 11:02 AM
Terrorist to be Tried in Civil Court, GOP Outrage
This article entitled "GOP blasts Obama for al-Libi Terror Trial Plans" was written by Bradley Klapper of the Associated Press and published by MSN on October 15 2013.


The following is a satirical article that I wrote. It is in NO way to be considered news.


The Obama administration plans to try Abu Anas al-Libi in a private ceremony of honor in the Oval Office of the White House. Everyone in the building will be asked to dress up like known terrorists so that al Libi doesn't feel lonely.

"The most important thing for our nation is that this known terrorist is provided with every unnecessary and insulting amenity that we can come up with," Vice President Joe Bidon said. "I know our nation has the most powerful military force on this earth dedicated to destroying this man and his allies, but we need to be sensitive and clench our vagina muscles in compassion for people who murder in the name of god."

Sen. Jim Inhofe of Oklahoma, the Armed Services Committee's top Republican, says providing Abu Anas al-Libi the same rights as Americans is "Making me wish for Bush to be back in office, and that is just fucked up."

Republican Rep. Bob Goodlatte of Virginia, House Judiciary's chairman, said "If this Administration plans on putting terrorists and lawyers together, I am moving to Costa Rica. That kind of evil, all in the same room, might make me piss myself."

Republicans say al-Libi is responsible for the planned murders of American soldiers and civilians. "If we cannot properly interrogate and then kill enemies who actively try to kill us all, we might as well masturbate all the time, so we can at least enjoy fucking ourselves." said one GOP Spokesperson.

Al-Libi allegedly was involved in the 1998 U.S. embassy bombings in Africa. He arrived in the U.S. this weekend and is expected to be arraigned Tuesday.

Inhofe said "Interrogating a psychopath is hard enough without another one in the room representing him."


Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature, the heart of a heartless world, just as it is the spirit of a spiritless situation. The abolition of religion as the illusory happiness of the people is required for their real happiness.

-Karl Marx
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