The Anger
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29-05-2015, 06:19 PM
The Anger
New here.

So, how and when does the anger abate? That's what I want to know.

My journey "out" of religion, more specifically, the Catholic Church, has been going on for about three years, and I stand now as an avowed ex-Catholic. I'm 45. I was solidly entrenched in the church for 30 years. I've met 2 popes. I met Mother Teresa. My whole life was built around this church. The process of leaving it has been a very difficult affair, especially since my wife remains a very devout Catholic, and is raising our six (yes, six) kids that way. Naturally, conversations in our home (when I'm home - we've been separated off and on for the last two years) are very, very tense about this topic.

But back to the question at hand: I'm just so fucking angry. But at what? At whom? At a god that doesn't exist? At a mother who sincerely believed in this nonsense and felt that she needed to raise her kids in this church? At a church that brainwashes? Or, at myself for not thinking critically sooner? Sometimes it seems that the anger has no... target, no focus, no aim.

When I see the hashtag "#blessed" I just want to punch someone. When I see a christian meme on facebook, I roll my eyes and mutter some insult at that person. I judge them for being stupid, yet I was just this way a short time ago. And, I feel like I have become the type of atheist that I despised when I was a Catholic: judgmental, cynical, and angry.

The bottom line is this: I feel so duped. Tricked. Like I was sold a bill of goods. I was told that there was a loving god that cared, that provided, that, that, that... and none of it was true.

I hate feeling like a victim. And I think THAT is where the anger comes from. I need to take this back, this feeling of control. To some degree it's already happening: by admitting the true nature of reality. But beyond this, I need to figure out what to do with all of this fucking anger. It's a cancer.

Thanks for listening.

"'God works all things for good' Romans 8:28."
"'Bull Dinky.' Perry Cox. 6:1. Buck eighty-five after lunch."
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29-05-2015, 06:31 PM
RE: The Anger
(29-05-2015 06:19 PM)mycole Wrote:  New here.

So, how and when does the anger abate? That's what I want to know.

My journey "out" of religion, more specifically, the Catholic Church, has been going on for about three years, and I stand now as an avowed ex-Catholic. I'm 45. I was solidly entrenched in the church for 30 years. I've met 2 popes. I met Mother Teresa. My whole life was built around this church. The process of leaving it has been a very difficult affair, especially since my wife remains a very devout Catholic, and is raising our six (yes, six) kids that way. Naturally, conversations in our home (when I'm home - we've been separated off and on for the last two years) are very, very tense about this topic.

But back to the question at hand: I'm just so fucking angry. But at what? At whom? At a god that doesn't exist? At a mother who sincerely believed in this nonsense and felt that she needed to raise her kids in this church? At a church that brainwashes? Or, at myself for not thinking critically sooner? Sometimes it seems that the anger has no... target, no focus, no aim.

When I see the hashtag "#blessed" I just want to punch someone. When I see a christian meme on facebook, I roll my eyes and mutter some insult at that person. I judge them for being stupid, yet I was just this way a short time ago. And, I feel like I have become the type of atheist that I despised when I was a Catholic: judgmental, cynical, and angry.

The bottom line is this: I feel so duped. Tricked. Like I was sold a bill of goods. I was told that there was a loving god that cared, that provided, that, that, that... and none of it was true.

I hate feeling like a victim. And I think THAT is where the anger comes from. I need to take this back, this feeling of control. To some degree it's already happening: by admitting the true nature of reality. But beyond this, I need to figure out what to do with all of this fucking anger. It's a cancer.

Thanks for listening.

Hi Welcome to TTA Smile

I was Catholic, then Christian, then Agnostic, now Atheist. I was very angry when I first realized it was all a bunch of lies. I lived my life for the church for many years trying to be a "good" Christian woman. I did everything the church expected of me. I tried to live my life the way God/Jesus would want me to live it. I prayed daily, I checked in with Him for all things. I basically was making decisions based on what God would want me to do and not necessarily what I wanted to do. I was angry that I wasted years of my life trying to please a made-up sky god. I was angry at the church, at my friends, at my parents. Of course, it was never my parents or friends fault--they were brainwashed like I was.

In my opinion, the anger starts to subside after you start to live your life for you--on your own terms--not for some magical sky god. You are free now--be thankful for that--some people never get that sense of clarity. That's how I was able to let some of the anger go--the rest of it just takes time.
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29-05-2015, 06:38 PM
RE: The Anger
(29-05-2015 06:19 PM)mycole Wrote:  New here.

So, how and when does the anger abate? That's what I want to know.

My journey "out" of religion, more specifically, the Catholic Church, has been going on for about three years, and I stand now as an avowed ex-Catholic. I'm 45. I was solidly entrenched in the church for 30 years. I've met 2 popes. I met Mother Teresa. My whole life was built around this church. The process of leaving it has been a very difficult affair, especially since my wife remains a very devout Catholic, and is raising our six (yes, six) kids that way. Naturally, conversations in our home (when I'm home - we've been separated off and on for the last two years) are very, very tense about this topic.

But back to the question at hand: I'm just so fucking angry. But at what? At whom? At a god that doesn't exist? At a mother who sincerely believed in this nonsense and felt that she needed to raise her kids in this church? At a church that brainwashes? Or, at myself for not thinking critically sooner? Sometimes it seems that the anger has no... target, no focus, no aim.

When I see the hashtag "#blessed" I just want to punch someone. When I see a christian meme on facebook, I roll my eyes and mutter some insult at that person. I judge them for being stupid, yet I was just this way a short time ago. And, I feel like I have become the type of atheist that I despised when I was a Catholic: judgmental, cynical, and angry.

The bottom line is this: I feel so duped. Tricked. Like I was sold a bill of goods. I was told that there was a loving god that cared, that provided, that, that, that... and none of it was true.

I hate feeling like a victim. And I think THAT is where the anger comes from. I need to take this back, this feeling of control. To some degree it's already happening: by admitting the true nature of reality. But beyond this, I need to figure out what to do with all of this fucking anger. It's a cancer.

Thanks for listening.

Welcome, just remember it is a loss, something that was a big part of your life is suddenly gone, with the added bonus of you feeling like you have been sold a lie, a lie in which you gave a lot of energy to, and thus you are angry. Angry at the wasted years, you feel like an idiot for believing something that was so transparently false...dealing with that as an intelligent educated human being is hard. It is like a death of sorts.....and like dealing with a major loss, or death of your faith in case...you have the standard 5 stages of grief to go through. Some go through them faster than others, but I believe everyone goes through it to some degree or another...

Denial and Isolation

Anger

Bargaining

Depression

Acceptance

The good thing is you have freed yourself of the blindfold of faith, the choke-hold of delusion and you can now view this beautiful world without god glasses on. Enjoy your new-found freedom.

Welcome

"Belief is so often the death of reason" - Qyburn, Game of Thrones

"The Christian community continues to exist because the conclusions of the critical study of the Bible are largely withheld from them." -Hans Conzelmann (1915-1989)
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29-05-2015, 07:03 PM
RE: The Anger
Thanks, you two. It very much feels like a death. Very much so. And in many ways... friends that leave, or relationships that just change in ways that aren't pleasant, a marriage that very well may dissolve as a result, kids who may look at their father in very, very different ways, there are just so many facets to it.

But it does help to at least know that the anger is, at least, a normal part of the process, and not something else that is "wrong" with me.

"'God works all things for good' Romans 8:28."
"'Bull Dinky.' Perry Cox. 6:1. Buck eighty-five after lunch."
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29-05-2015, 07:07 PM
RE: The Anger
(29-05-2015 07:03 PM)mycole Wrote:  Thanks, you two. It very much feels like a death. Very much so. And in many ways... friends that leave, or relationships that just change in ways that aren't pleasant, a marriage that very well may dissolve as a result, kids who may look at their father in very, very different ways, there are just so many facets to it.

But it does help to at least know that the anger is, at least, a normal part of the process, and not something else that is "wrong" with me.

Anger is a very normal part of the process. I think you will find a lot of support on the board from others who are going through many of the same things you describe in your post.
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29-05-2015, 07:37 PM
RE: The Anger
(29-05-2015 07:03 PM)mycole Wrote:  Thanks, you two. It very much feels like a death. Very much so. And in many ways... friends that leave, or relationships that just change in ways that aren't pleasant, a marriage that very well may dissolve as a result, kids who may look at their father in very, very different ways, there are just so many facets to it.

But it does help to at least know that the anger is, at least, a normal part of the process, and not something else that is "wrong" with me.

Goodwithoutgod hit the nail on the head.

It is very much like grieving over someone who died.

God took up a large part of your daily life, and now it's all gone. Everytime you hear or see something that triggers your memory, you get angry, or you get depressed, or any of the other components of grief.

It will go away over time. It's not possible to consciously make it go away, it has to run it's course.

Congratulations on your deconversion, and welcome to TTA! Best thing you can do to speed things up is to talk about it - and you've come to the right place.

[Image: dobie.png]Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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29-05-2015, 07:49 PM
RE: The Anger
(29-05-2015 07:03 PM)mycole Wrote:  ...
kids who may look at their father in very, very different ways,
...

Why is this? Do you start to enlarge and turn green when you are angry?

I suggest you wear loose/stretchy clothing at all times.

Ask yourself... have your beliefs changed you or have you simply changed your beliefs?

The trick is to demonstrate to those that you love that your personal enlightenment has not made you into a giant green monster ... you are still you.

You're you + wisdom.

The anger will not entirely go away. Some of us here were never in a cult so have not felt the pain and elation of escaping into the light, but we still get angry.

Maybe you can channel it into activism / helping others escape. Own the anger; don't let it own you.

And good luck on your journey.

Hug

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29-05-2015, 08:34 PM
RE: The Anger
(29-05-2015 07:03 PM)mycole Wrote:  Thanks, you two. It very much feels like a death. Very much so. And in many ways... friends that leave, or relationships that just change in ways that aren't pleasant, a marriage that very well may dissolve as a result, kids who may look at their father in very, very different ways, there are just so many facets to it.

But it does help to at least know that the anger is, at least, a normal part of the process, and not something else that is "wrong" with me.

And mycole yet lives.

#sigh
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29-05-2015, 09:01 PM
RE: The Anger
Thanks everyone.

Dom, your words makes a whole of sense. When I hug my kids, I'm the same dad I've always been, and I love them just as much.

"'God works all things for good' Romans 8:28."
"'Bull Dinky.' Perry Cox. 6:1. Buck eighty-five after lunch."
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30-05-2015, 12:28 AM
RE: The Anger
(29-05-2015 09:01 PM)mycole Wrote:  Thanks everyone.

Dom, your words makes a whole of sense. When I hug my kids, I'm the same dad I've always been, and I love them just as much.

I think you just confused me with Dom. Big Grin That's a compliment. Wink

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