The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
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10-02-2014, 04:22 PM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(10-02-2014 04:16 PM)natachan Wrote:  Also I find the one about marrying Jesus and David hilarious.

Yeah, really, what a promiscuous slut. Ohmy

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
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10-02-2014, 04:24 PM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(10-02-2014 04:22 PM)War Horse Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 04:16 PM)natachan Wrote:  Also I find the one about marrying Jesus and David hilarious.

Yeah, really, what a promiscuous slut. Ohmy

Their totes going to be married to Jesus! I think it's going to be like that HBO TV show about polygamous marriages called "Big Love".

I think Jesus every night will just pick one person a night whose house he will stay at each night. And once he's worked his way through everybody in heaven, he's start the cycle over again, for eternity.

...
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10-02-2014, 04:35 PM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(10-02-2014 04:24 PM)Raptor Jesus Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 04:22 PM)War Horse Wrote:  Yeah, really, what a promiscuous slut. Ohmy

Their totes going to be married to Jesus! I think it's going to be like that HBO TV show about polygamous marriages called "Big Love".

I think Jesus every night will just pick one person a night whose house he will stay at each night. And once he's worked his way through everybody in heaven, he's start the cycle over again, for eternity.

I dunno, didnt jebus hang out with 12 dudes all his life..... just sayin, maybe his 'love' wasnt all that 'big' Laughat

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
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10-02-2014, 04:44 PM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(10-02-2014 03:55 PM)Full Circle Wrote:  BTW is Drich on that forum too?

Naaaaaaah, he's too much of a whack job for them...

It's Special Pleadings all the way down!


Magic Talking Snakes STFU -- revenantx77


You can't have your special pleading and eat it too. -- WillHop
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10-02-2014, 04:49 PM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(10-02-2014 04:35 PM)War Horse Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 04:24 PM)Raptor Jesus Wrote:  Their totes going to be married to Jesus! I think it's going to be like that HBO TV show about polygamous marriages called "Big Love".

I think Jesus every night will just pick one person a night whose house he will stay at each night. And once he's worked his way through everybody in heaven, he's start the cycle over again, for eternity.

I dunno, didnt jebus hang out with 12 dudes all his life..... just sayin, maybe his 'love' wasnt all that 'big' Laughat

Oh, Jesus will be married to the dudes too! They are all the "brides of Christ" so they well all be married to him, young, old, female, male...everyone. Guys will totes be married to Jesus in heaven, as will women. They are looking forward to it!

...
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10-02-2014, 04:52 PM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(10-02-2014 04:49 PM)Raptor Jesus Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 04:35 PM)War Horse Wrote:  I dunno, didnt jebus hang out with 12 dudes all his life..... just sayin, maybe his 'love' wasnt all that 'big' Laughat

Oh, Jesus will be married to the dudes too! They are all the "brides of Christ" so they well all be married to him, young, old, female, male...everyone. Guys will totes be married to Jesus in heaven, as will women. They are looking forward to it!

Some of them even claim that the reason why "God" created marriage here on earth was so they would already experience it and know how to be married when they go to heaven and live in marriage to heaven.

Actually, considering dudes are involved in this marriage to Jesus too, it seem the strongest biblical support for gay marriage here on earth. Got to prepared now so you'll be practiced up for how to be married to Jesus in heaven!

...
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10-02-2014, 04:58 PM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(10-02-2014 02:27 PM)Raptor Jesus Wrote:  -"Let us all pray, every day, for the next month or so, that God really WILL come and get us within the next 4 weeks! Surely, with a whole forum petitioning God for this, He can't help but hear."
This one is my favorite. As if God (assuming there was one) would care in the slightest about a forum petition. Laugh out load

"Religion has caused more misery to all of mankind in every stage of human history than any other single idea." --Madalyn Murray O'Hair
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10-02-2014, 05:40 PM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(10-02-2014 04:58 PM)Impulse Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 02:27 PM)Raptor Jesus Wrote:  -"Let us all pray, every day, for the next month or so, that God really WILL come and get us within the next 4 weeks! Surely, with a whole forum petitioning God for this, He can't help but hear."
This one is my favorite. As if God (assuming there was one) would care in the slightest about a forum petition. Laugh out load

Like "God" is just sitting up there on his cloud couch, drinking a beer, and clicking through old reruns of Seinfeld episodes...then he hears a couple people asking him to hurry up and distroy the world already so they could go to heaven.

"God's" like, "Uhgg...but it's my day off. I didn't want to do any work today. I just wanted to relax all Saturday, drink my beer, and watch some Seinfeld...uh...but it is one of those shitty clip episodes... Fine...fuck it. I'll destroy the earth today and destroy everyone except for the handful of shit heads who just couldn't wait. I mean, there's all these other guys who have waited thousands of years. Not to mention the ones I actually promised I was coming back for in their own life time, and that was and I didn't even come back for them, and that was two thousand years ago! But you all...yeah, you assholds on a forum. I'll adjust my plans just for you."

I don't think it worked for them. I think they are still here.

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10-02-2014, 06:46 PM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(10-02-2014 05:40 PM)Raptor Jesus Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 04:58 PM)Impulse Wrote:  This one is my favorite. As if God (assuming there was one) would care in the slightest about a forum petition. Laugh out load

Like "God" is just sitting up there on his cloud couch, drinking a beer, and clicking through old reruns of Seinfeld episodes...then he hears a couple people asking him to hurry up and distroy the world already so they could go to heaven.

"God's" like, "Uhgg...but it's my day off. I didn't want to do any work today. I just wanted to relax all Saturday, drink my beer, and watch some Seinfeld...uh...but it is one of those shitty clip episodes... Fine...fuck it. I'll destroy the earth today and destroy everyone except for the handful of shit heads who just couldn't wait. I mean, there's all these other guys who have waited thousands of years. Not to mention the ones I actually promised I was coming back for in their own life time, and that was and I didn't even come back for them, and that was two thousand years ago! But you all...yeah, you assholds on a forum. I'll adjust my plans just for you."

I don't think it worked for them. I think they are still here.

The issue of Jesus' promised return was one of the first things that got me doubting and more critically looking at the bible. I was in a fundy church, and they were very big on literal interpretation of the bible, until things like this came up. Jesus clearly said he would come back before THIS generation passes away. Seems pretty straightforward. The people living then would see him return. Only they didn't. So now they do all these mental and lingual gymnastics to explain what "generation" really means so they can still expect that "imminent" return. Hypocrites. The bible says god created the world in 6 days, made man by drawing in the dirt and woman by removing a rib from said man, and put them in a garden with magic trees, talking serpents, and an angel with a flaming sword? - All LITERALLY true. Jesus said he'd return to this generation? - well, you see, what he really meant was.....
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10-02-2014, 07:22 PM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(10-02-2014 05:40 PM)Raptor Jesus Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 04:58 PM)Impulse Wrote:  This one is my favorite. As if God (assuming there was one) would care in the slightest about a forum petition. Laugh out load

Like "God" is just sitting up there on his cloud couch, drinking a beer, and clicking through old reruns of Seinfeld episodes...then he hears a couple people asking him to hurry up and distroy the world already so they could go to heaven.

"God's" like, "Uhgg...but it's my day off. I didn't want to do any work today. I just wanted to relax all Saturday, drink my beer, and watch some Seinfeld...uh...but it is one of those shitty clip episodes... Fine...fuck it. I'll destroy the earth today and destroy everyone except for the handful of shit heads who just couldn't wait. I mean, there's all these other guys who have waited thousands of years. Not to mention the ones I actually promised I was coming back for in their own life time, and that was and I didn't even come back for them, and that was two thousand years ago! But you all...yeah, you assholds on a forum. I'll adjust my plans just for you."

I don't think it worked for them. I think they are still here.

These are the same morons who think that Jesus is on Facebook, and if you just like and share this meme, he'll shower you with riches and good health... Blink

What I would like to know is how they react when they aren't raptured. I wish I could measure the cognitive dissonance as their brain tries to "rationalize" why it didn't happen.

Excuse me, I'm making perfect sense. You're just not keeping up.

"Let me give you some advice, bastard: never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you." - Tyrion Lannister
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