The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
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11-02-2014, 09:26 AM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(10-02-2014 06:46 PM)meremortal Wrote:  
(10-02-2014 05:40 PM)Raptor Jesus Wrote:  Like "God" is just sitting up there on his cloud couch, drinking a beer, and clicking through old reruns of Seinfeld episodes...then he hears a couple people asking him to hurry up and distroy the world already so they could go to heaven.

"God's" like, "Uhgg...but it's my day off. I didn't want to do any work today. I just wanted to relax all Saturday, drink my beer, and watch some Seinfeld...uh...but it is one of those shitty clip episodes... Fine...fuck it. I'll destroy the earth today and destroy everyone except for the handful of shit heads who just couldn't wait. I mean, there's all these other guys who have waited thousands of years. Not to mention the ones I actually promised I was coming back for in their own life time, and that was and I didn't even come back for them, and that was two thousand years ago! But you all...yeah, you assholds on a forum. I'll adjust my plans just for you."

I don't think it worked for them. I think they are still here.

The issue of Jesus' promised return was one of the first things that got me doubting and more critically looking at the bible. I was in a fundy church, and they were very big on literal interpretation of the bible, until things like this came up. Jesus clearly said he would come back before THIS generation passes away. Seems pretty straightforward. The people living then would see him return. Only they didn't. So now they do all these mental and lingual gymnastics to explain what "generation" really means so they can still expect that "imminent" return. Hypocrites. The bible says god created the world in 6 days, made man by drawing in the dirt and woman by removing a rib from said man, and put them in a garden with magic trees, talking serpents, and an angel with a flaming sword? - All LITERALLY true. Jesus said he'd return to this generation? - well, you see, what he really meant was.....
So true. Undecided
(And now for some reason I have The Who's "My Generation" song in my head. Smile )

"Religion has caused more misery to all of mankind in every stage of human history than any other single idea." --Madalyn Murray O'Hair
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11-02-2014, 09:30 AM (This post was last modified: 11-02-2014 12:58 PM by Alex_Leonardo.)
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
[Image: CyanideandHappinessRapture.png?width=500...height=277]

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11-02-2014, 09:34 AM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
Those christians remind me of little kids in the back of the car on a long trip, screaming, "are we there yet" ,100 times, till dad gets out and warms their asses up. Yes

If bullshit were music some people would be a brass band.
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11-02-2014, 09:44 AM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
I'm reminded of...



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11-02-2014, 10:33 AM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
Now, I'm fairly sure that the book of Revelations says that the number who will be saved will be very small, that they will all be Jews, and all be virgins, and all be men. Why do these people think they will be included?

Of course this is ignoring the "why the hell do you believe Revelations anyway" question that could come up.
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11-02-2014, 10:50 AM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(11-02-2014 10:33 AM)natachan Wrote:  Now, I'm fairly sure that the book of Revelations says that the number who will be saved will be very small, that they will all be Jews, and all be virgins, and all be men. Why do these people think they will be included?

Of course this is ignoring the "why the hell do you believe Revelations anyway" question that could come up.

Revelation says 144,000 Jews will be "sealed" (whatever sealed means) and go to heaven. This is where you are getting this small number from. But the next lines discuss the great multitudes dressed in white, that is so large it is beyond counting, and they seem to be going too.

Revelation leaves a number of places where it could be assumed more people will be going and at different stages, and for different reasons.

As for the actual rapture part?...not anywhere in the book. They will read and reread Revelation, because they see it as some sort of spiritual road map, so they can figure out when they are getting ruptured. But because the rapture is not actually mentioned in the book of Revelation, these different denominations, and individuals are left to end up arguing repeatedly about which one of these groups in revelation refers to them, and which one of those groups is actually rapture, or have to suffer through the destruction of the earth by Jesus first before making it to heaven.

They do this rather than note that the book ever even says anything about being ruptured. They believe it’s part of it, and now try to fit this rapture idea into a book that they believe to be literally true, even though the book literally says nothing about it.

It's all highly convoluted.

...
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12-02-2014, 01:39 AM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
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12-02-2014, 02:01 AM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
I'm just going to keep posting more crazy rapture forum stuff. Here is one about the Sochi Winter Olympics opening ceremonies.

"It wasn’t my intention to watch ; more like a perfect aligning of the planets.
I visit with an elderly couple and they were so happy because they had purchased a after-Superbowl big screen HD television. We celebrated with an excellent dinner. Then we settled in to watch tv.

We watched a typically pointless comedy. I noticed that watching on such a large screen seems to increase the mind numbing effects of television. About that time I would have excused myself for the night. But the Sochi show came on, and I allowed my hosts to talk me into watching it.

There really wasn’t that much worth viewing if one was not Russian. I did notice that the one young lady escort for the Iran team; her uniform was changed slightly so that her legs were covered. Maybe that was the point of the Iran/Russia talks. Wink

The Sochi was not a gay event. At one point during the evening I thought I saw a gay image. Turns out what I had seen was an image within a commercial for Chevrolet.

I kept on watching, wondering if there was really going to be any point to this experience at all. Finally, they got to the torch part. As they happily made their way through the cheering crowds toward the outside cauldron, suddenly it hit me how much this moment looked like people in the act of worshipping an idol. The lighting of the cauldron itself, put me in mind of Baal.

My friends home is near a church. Before driving home, I stopped and offered a pray that all power and glory belongs to God. Thumbsup"

...
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12-02-2014, 02:13 AM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(11-02-2014 10:50 AM)Raptor Jesus Wrote:  ...
Revelation leaves a number of places where it could be assumed more people will be going and at different stages, and for different reasons.
...

Which is a simple plot twist to allow for a sequel.

Smarter perhaps than Tolkein who had Gandalf, Galadriel, Bilbo, Frodo etc. leaving on the LAST ship to depart from the Grey Havens from Middle Earth.

... And then, ooops, Sam went later for he was too, a ring bearer.

Dodgy

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12-02-2014, 02:16 AM
RE: The Best Quotes from Insane Rapture Forum
(12-02-2014 02:13 AM)DLJ Wrote:  Which is a simple plot twist to allow for a sequel.

Smarter perhaps than Tolkein who had Gandalf, Galadriel, Bilbo, Frodo etc. leaving on the LAST ship to depart from the Grey Havens from Middle Earth.

... And then, ooops, Sam went later for he was too, a ring bearer.

Dodgy

UHHHH....SPOILER ALERT!!!!!! Smile

...
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