The Best Two Years I Never Expected
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28-05-2013, 04:17 PM
The Best Two Years I Never Expected
The first time I sat down and realized that I was an Atheist, and that I fully understood what that meant, and what it would mean for me in the future, was January 1st 2013.

I am a 20 year old man, living on my own. I have no family of my own.

My life has been transformed completely. I was raised to be a Mormon. I rebelled against its principles my whole life, knowing that they were not right, until finally that search for truth led me to Atheism.

Over the last five months as an Atheist, My thoughts keep returning to the same theme over and over again. I can't seem to get away from it. It is always in the back of my head.

My life is different, but I have not changed. I have not become the person I want to be in life. I am not who I want to be.

I have accomplished a lot. I have changed my way of thinking forever. I have escaped a home that was an abusive police state, and moved out on my own, making my own way as a waiter in a restaurant. I have made it through a childhood of indoctrination formed with shame, guilt, and manipulation. I have traveled the world a little, and seen places that are very different from my home, and learned that I can survive, even thrive.

There is something missing though, and I know just what it is.

You see, when I was a believer, I was in despair. I always felt like I was a bad person, because I couldn't seem to do what god supposedly wanted. I was ashamed that I didn't want his plan in my life, and that I wasn't willing to obey his will. I walked around each and every day wishing that I could somehow I could cease to exist. I didn't want to die, because I would be forced to face him empty handed. I didn't want to live, because I knew I would only make it worse. I wanted to just vanish, as though my soul had never existed.

Who asked me? No one asked me if I wanted to live. No one asked me if I ought to exist. I was so desperate and in pain, knowing in my heart that I was born into an impossible paradox of what I wanted, and what punishment god would rain down on me, for being who I really wanted to be.

This is a very simple way of condensing a lot of years, a lot of actions, and a lot of events into one principle, or theme, that I can share with you. I can't tell you my life story in one post, but I can tell you the themes that matter to me.

Discovering that the evidence, the reality of the world, exposed god and religion as fraud, and fallacy was the most incredible experience of relief and new beginnings that I have ever had, and most likely ever will.

So here I am, standing on my two own feet, living the life I want.

Now, there is something I want to do though.

You see, all that pain, agony, and despair, drove me into a dark pit of self hatred, and I didn't care what happened to me. I didn't care if I got fat from comfort eating, lost social skill from isolation, got sick from not sleeping, or anything else unhealthy and harmful.

The result was that I find myself an Atheist at 5 feet 10 inches, 244 LBS, pale white skin, limp underused muscles, a fat belly, and a facial structure becoming only when placed on a baby. I am redeemed only in part by an inherited gene for growing nice facial hair, to cover up my shit face.

As a believer, sex was perhaps the most powerful and well abused taboo we had, so I just didn't give a shit before what I looked like to anyone else. I had always told myself that it wouldn't matter because no one would want to love someone like me anyway. I didn't give it a second thought.

It hurt though. I spent a lot of days eating like shit, and abusing myself. I told myself that I would never be anything other than alone and miserable, so I should get really comfortable with my computer, and my hand.

Now though, I feel different. Life is different. My depression is dead, gone, destroyed. It has been for 5 months now. I guess this might sound a bit weird but religion ruined my life, and my ability to be happy. It drove me to the edge of suicide again and again, only to keep me from death out of fear of further retribution thereafter.

Now as an Atheist, I am free of all of that. I am no longer in agony. I can stand still, and just be, with no self abuse in my heart.

The issue now is this, I want to transform my body.

I want to transform how I look, how I socially interact, and what I do in my spare time.

I called this post, The Best Two Years I Never Expected, as a bit of a joke. You see in the Mormon religion, "The best two years" is a slang sentence referring to the 2 year long missionary "missions" that every male member must go on, all over the world, to teach Mormonism to strangers. This is something that I was always expected to do, and that I had resigned myself to, many years ago. I was fortunate enough to rebel against this notion, even before I became an Atheist, and I did not serve when the time came. Now though, I like the play on words, since I plan on spending the next two years of my life, changing everything about how I treat myself, my mind, and body.

The time frame will be two years. In two years I want the following:
1. A girlfriend
2. A fit, healthy body
3. A social life worth having.

I want these next two years to be the best of my life, changing myself into what I really want. I want it to be the best two years, i never expected, instead of those wasted years overseas, preaching absolute shit to strangers.

Now, two years is a long time, and you might wonder why I would take so long for these things, so let me explain.

I have been treating my body shitty since I was 10 years old. I think two years is a reasonable amount of time to shed 50 lbs, get fit, and learn enough social skill to be able to have a girlfriend. I don't believe in a quick fix for what I have done to myself, but I do believe that it is possible. I can become something worthwhile, the person who I really want to be.

I know that I was not an ugly teenager. I had quite a lot of attention around the age of 16. I didn't even have to chase it, it just landed in my lap. Now it is only 4 years later, and that would only happen with a blind girl.

So I am confident, that if I shave away all the extra weight, and the years of abuse, I can return to something quite attractive, and worthwhile to a woman. I can make myself look as good as I feel now.

As far as my social life, it has been literally NOTHING for years. I don't talk to anyone except at work. Even now, I have only one or two people I would ever talk to outside of work.

Working on all of this will take time.

Now you might be wondering, why I would post something like this. Well I need your help. I don't know how to accomplish any of this.

I just need to get started.

I know I should work out, but I don't know what to do in a gym, or how much, or how often.

I know I should probably try to smooth out and darken my skin, but I don't know how, or what products make a difference for a man.

I know I should eat well, but I don't know what that really means.

I know that I should talk to people, and make friends, but it isn't that easy for me. I find that either I am too closed off, or way too open with myself, I never seem to get the balance right.

I know what to do, but now how to do it.

Has anyone gotten into great shape, started their sex/love life anew? Has anyone here gone through a transformation like this that can help me learn how to get started?

Is there anyone out there who is just always like this? In great shape, living their dream? If so, how do you do it? What do you do?

I will probably think of a thousand questions to ask in the next few months alone. I don't know anyone locally, so maybe you all can help me.

Religion, rather than acting as a symbol of truth or justice, merely acts as a symbol of human gullibility and stupidity. Surely no race of beings with any real intelligence would concoct such drivel.
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28-05-2013, 04:35 PM
RE: The Best Two Years I Never Expected
weight watchers was the top ranked program for keeping weight off- they have an online version if that works for you. SparkPeople.com has fitness forums and a great nutrition calculator/diary that keeps track of carbs, proteins, vitamins and very customizable.

find an activity you like- stick with it.

sounds like a great plan!


"Life is a daring adventure or it is nothing"--Helen Keller
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28-05-2013, 04:41 PM
RE: The Best Two Years I Never Expected
(28-05-2013 04:17 PM)Prometheus762 Wrote:  The issue now is this, I want to transform my body.

I want to transform how I look, how I socially interact, and what I do in my spare time.

I have been treating my body shitty since I was 10 years old. I think two years is a reasonable amount of time to shed 50 lbs, get fit, and learn enough social skill to be able to have a girlfriend. I don't believe in a quick fix for what I have done to myself, but I do believe that it is possible. I can become something worthwhile, the person who I really want to be.

So I am confident, that if I shave away all the extra weight, and the years of abuse, I can return to something quite attractive, and worthwhile to a woman. I can make myself look as good as I feel now.

Has anyone gotten into great shape, started their sex/love life anew? Has anyone here gone through a transformation like this that can help me learn how to get started?

Well, I can't really help with the girlfriend or the social life, but perhaps I can offer some assistance with getting in shape. I'm a former Marine and black-belt martial artist, so I've spent a lot of time working on my physicality.

However, as I've gotten older (I'm in my mid-forties), keeping in shape has gotten more difficult due to the accumulation of injuries and a slower metabolism. But last year I got into the BeachBody DVD home workout programs, and they have helped me lose weight, get in shape, and change my diet for the better. Here is their website:

http://www.beachbody.com/

You may have seen infomercials for some of their products: P90X, 10-Minute Trainer, Insanity, and so on.

Just so you know, I'm not one of their Coaches, nor do I work for them (they are kind of a multi-level marketing company). But their workout routines provide a structured way to get in shape that I've found more helpful than making up my own workout routines, whether at a gym or at home.

Some are more difficult than others - P90X and Insanity are pretty advanced. Others are easier to get into - 10-Minute Trainer and Power 90 are more accessible. Beachbody also offers supplements and a Message Board (similar to this one) where you can ask questions, join a challenge group, and get a coach (be advised that their quality varies, as just about anyone can become a BB coach).

Depending on the program you choose, you may (or may not) have to buy some equipment. For example, P90X works best if you have dumbells (or resistance bands), a pullup bar, and pushup stands, while Insanity requires no equipment except for your body. Often you can order what you need as part of the program you choose.

Anyway, I like how their routines offer a 60 or 90-day plan for getting into shape that you can tailor to your goals. I've done a couple of the programs and am happy with the results. Just be aware that proper diet is about 70% of the process, and each program comes with a suggested nutrition plan that can guide you towards making healthier eating choices. I chose to go my own way on the diet side, and it took me about a year to nickel and dime my way to an eating plan that has helped me lose weight in a healthy manner.

Whatever plan you go with, you need to keep one important thing in mind: it won't be temporary. Sure, a single workout program lasts two or three months, but you can't just do it and then go back to eating junk food while lounging on the couch. You will have to adopt a whole new lifetime mindset based on making healthy eating choices and consistently remaining active in some way. Good luck!
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28-05-2013, 05:05 PM
RE: The Best Two Years I Never Expected
(28-05-2013 04:17 PM)Prometheus762 Wrote:  I know I should work out, but I don't know what to do in a gym, or how much, or how often.

Go to a few gyms. Tell them you wish to sign up and what your goals are. If they are half decent they will show you how to use the machine's properly and work out a plan with you to achieve these goals.

(28-05-2013 04:17 PM)Prometheus762 Wrote:  I know I should probably try to smooth out and darken my skin, but I don't know how, or what products make a difference for a man.

With regards to smoothing your skin I would check google out for reviews on different moisturisers and body/face scrubs and read up upon what people recommend the most.

(28-05-2013 04:17 PM)Prometheus762 Wrote:  I know I should eat well, but I don't know what that really means.

The gym you visit may help you with a diet plan, visiting your doctor and outlining your needs and your goals may also provide you with some decent info. Check out some bodybuilding/toning forums to see what other people would recommend. I would even go so far to join a few and ask that very question to them and to where you may get further reading to study. I'm sure they will probably be very pleased to help you out and to offer encouragement.

(28-05-2013 04:17 PM)Prometheus762 Wrote:  I know that I should talk to people, and make friends, but it isn't that easy for me. I find that either I am too closed off, or way too open with myself, I never seem to get the balance right.

Is this something you have been told by somebody or is it you scrutinising yourself???

(28-05-2013 04:17 PM)Prometheus762 Wrote:  I know what to do, but now how to do it.

Not yet, but believe it or not you have already taken the first step in asking for advice Thumbsup

For no matter how much I use these symbols, to describe symptoms of my existence.
You are your own emphasis.
So I say nothing.

-Bemore.
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28-05-2013, 05:57 PM
RE: The Best Two Years I Never Expected
Just start! On any of the items listed and keep going...in two years a lot can happen...you already know that. Two years will pass whether you make some life adjustments or not so pick one or two and get going with them.

You don't have to change everything at once...changes may just naturally lead to other changes. Better diet can lead to better skin. Joining a gym can lead to interaction with others.

Good for you! And good luck to you on your new phase in your life!

I'm not anti-social. I'm pro-solitude. Sleepy
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01-06-2013, 07:47 AM
RE: The Best Two Years I Never Expected
i have lost weight a number of times(after middle school for being teased, after pregnancy and right now 10lbs in) by only eating better. i try workouts, non stressful but toning activities like medicine balls and bike riding, but honestly all you have to do is eat less. working out is only 10% of your weight loss and the other 90 falls on your diet. each time i lost weight this way i had 20-40 pounds and the weight loss was really fast. i still enjoy pasta salads, steaks, everything id normally gorge on, but i eat a smaller portion and always try to leave something on my plate, and never go back for seconds lol. anyways it works every time....but then i get skinny and a couple months or a year later i kinda sorta forget to eat right annnnnnd boom i gain 20 pounds. so i thought id share my success but i also wont sugar coat it, you need to maintain once you get to a comfy weight.....unlike me lol.
so as for socializing, i would say you just have to talk to people. you can make friends anywhere, and if they dont want a friend then oh well, you socialized. one of my friends met her last bf at the supermarket....yes i thought that only happened in movies too! go to bingo, take your dog to a dog park(i have met some awesome people at dog parks) idk thats about all i got for that.
so as for a gf, that should just "fall into your lap" as you put it, somwhere along your journey. women love a confident man with goals...who is actually achieving them! once you get in motion to where you wanna go it is much easier. right now it probably looks like alot, but as my grammy says "you can't eat a whole elephant in one sitting, dear" ok rant over, hope you got SOMETHING useful outta all this
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01-06-2013, 10:19 AM
RE: The Best Two Years I Never Expected
Everyone is different, everyone's body chemistry is different, everyone's capacity for sports/exercise is different. The trouble with diets and workout programs is that people try to fit into other people's molds. Soon they tucker out and come back 20 pounds heavier than when they started.

This is what I suggest:

Learn everything there is to learn about nutrition. Find the most nutritious foods you can actually enjoy. Then look at their caloric values and eliminate the really high ones.

Then look at empty carbohydrates - vegetables and fruit are not empty carbs, but most pastas and breads etc. are. Eliminate all the empty carbs you can, pick just what will make you really happy and have it only when you really crave it.

Then look at sugars - natural sugars in fruit and veggies are fine, eliminate refined sugar and corn syrup stuff etc.

Then eliminate most convenience foods - look at the labels and if they have anything on there that you wouldn't pick up and bite into, don't get them, period. No chemicals. Are there a couple you just love to death? You can have them once in a while.

Exercise: different strokes for different folks. All exercise is good. Some will have you try to create a chiseled body, but if you hate the process and have to make yourself do it, pick something else. All exercise is good. Don't sit if you can stand, don't stand if you can move. Myself, I like just walking and hand weights. Find what you enjoy, it will make it easy to stick with it.

Plateaus. When losing a bunch of weight, you will hit plateaus. Suddenly it will stop, no matter what you try. This is your body telling you that times of starvation have hit and it refuses to give up any stored fat. For many, many years I tried to beat that with eating even less. What ended up making it work is to eat more. Take it as permission to add in some of your favorites that you have cut out. Gain two or three pounds, then go back to what you were doing and the pounds will come off. This gives the body the signal that food is still plentiful, no need to dig in the heels. It also gives your skin a chance to adjust and any flabbiness to even out and disappear.

You want to avoid starving yourself with some fad diet. These never work in the long run, you are almost guaranteed to end up heavier than when you started. Do what tastes and feels good to you, and learn everything that is known about nutrition. That way you will lose the weight and find a way of life you enjoy and maintain.

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Science is the process we've designed to be responsible for generating our best guess as to what the fuck is going on. Girly Man
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