The Bible -- Edited
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07-03-2015, 10:48 AM
The Bible -- Edited
Here's a fun exercise -- Quote whichever "Scripture" you'd like -- and edit it, to what you think they REALLY meant.... (face it, the devout do this all the time and call it "interpretation")

I'll start --

1st Corinthians 11-24 (KJV) And when he had given thanks, he brake it, and said, Take, eat: this is my body, which is broken for you: this do in remembrance of me.

Translate

"Eat me, bitches -- and don't forget it!!!"

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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07-03-2015, 11:14 AM
RE: The Bible -- Edited
1 Corinthians 13:11-12 (KJV)

11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

12 For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.

Translation:
Take a long, hard look at yourself and man, the fuck, up!

Wink

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07-03-2015, 11:31 AM
RE: The Bible -- Edited
Psalm 144:4 (KJV)

4 Man is like to vanity: his days are as a shadow that passeth away.

But his nights? Dems boogie nights!

Laugh out load

[Image: f33bcc7ea1fcdb9f4f33c6e0f2c6f4ac.jpg]

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07-03-2015, 11:44 AM
RE: The Bible -- Edited
Genesis 1:1

In the beginning....

Edited to - Once upon a time...

See here they are the bruises some were self-inflicted and some showed up along the way. - JF

We're all mad here. The Cheshire Cat

Are my Chakras on straight?
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07-03-2015, 11:54 AM
RE: The Bible -- Edited
Malachi 2:3 "Behold I will corrupt your seed and spread dung on your faces"

Translation,

"You are merely my dog and I will train you the way I see fit".

Poetry by Brian37(poems by an atheist) Also on Facebook as BrianJames Rational Poet and Twitter Brianrrs37
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07-03-2015, 04:26 PM
RE: The Bible -- Edited
Titus 2:4-5 ESV
And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

"When ur husband gets home giv him a beer and a BJ and he will moan 'oh my god'." :-)

The bible. .what a bunch of crap.
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08-03-2015, 04:34 AM
RE: The Bible -- Edited
James 5:14-15
Is any among you sick? Let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: and the prayer of faith shall save him that is sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, it shall be forgiven him.


"If your sick have a bunch of old dudes pour oil on you to heal you."

"If you keep trying to better yourself that's enough for me. We don't decide which hand we are dealt in life, but we make the decision to play it or fold it" - Nishi Karano Kaze
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08-03-2015, 06:11 AM
RE: The Bible -- Edited
Mark 16:8 -And they went out quickly, and fled from the sepulchre; for they trembled and were amazed: neither said they any thing to any man; for they were afraid.

The Romans killed our leader, now we need to make up a bullshit story and see if anyone will believe it.

Mark 16:9-20 -This is our bullshit story we came up with.

Gods derive their power from post-hoc rationalizations. -The Inquisition

Using the supernatural to explain events in your life is a failure of the intellect to comprehend the world around you. -The Inquisition
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08-03-2015, 08:03 AM (This post was last modified: 08-03-2015 08:06 AM by cactus.)
RE: The Bible -- Edited
Matthew 7:12 English Standard Version (ESV) Wrote:"So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets."

Matthew 7:12 New Cactus Secular Version (NCSV) Wrote:Don't be a dick, you fucking cunts.

If we came from dust, then why is there still dust?
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08-03-2015, 01:27 PM
RE: The Bible -- Edited
Song of Solomon 1-10 (KJV)
Thy cheeks are comely with rows of jewels, thy neck with chains of gold.

Translation

Giving her a pearl necklace. (ZZ Top style)

.......................................

The difference between prayer and masturbation - is when a guy is through masturbating - he has something to show for his efforts.
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